forbidden fruit Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Well it is not what you think, but my xmm blurted out to my kids today that his son could not play and that he was moving. So here is my question he knows that this is button on me . Is he trying to get a rise out me to break NC or is he actually moving . I have no idea and I am so upset and I want to break NC because I want to tell him to be mature and stop using all these tricks to pull me out of Nc. My kids are now upset because they thought I knew and did not tell them. WTF- and please don't tell me it does not matter and not to care. Why is he being so cruel after just a week ago he told me loved me and wanted me in his life forever. Do i break NC. I am so mad I also have a e-mail reay,but have not sent it. I also want to burst his bubble and tell his W everything,but then there goes my family down the toilet. Wow I wish I was single he would be done.
lovernotafighter Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Well it is not what you think, but my xmm blurted out to my kids today that his son could not play and that he was moving. So here is my question he knows that this is button on me . Is he trying to get a rise out me to break NC or is he actually moving . I have no idea and I am so upset and I want to break NC because I want to tell him to be mature and stop using all these tricks to pull me out of Nc. My kids are now upset because they thought I knew and did not tell them. WTF- and please don't tell me it does not matter and not to care. Why is he being so cruel after just a week ago he told me loved me and wanted me in his life forever. Do i break NC. I am so mad I also have a e-mail reay,but have not sent it. I also want to burst his bubble and tell his W everything,but then there goes my family down the toilet. Wow I wish I was single he would be done. I'm sorry I don't know your back story but by the sounds of things he is playing games, so don't bother, the best reaction is no reaction
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Let him go, let that bastard go. Get off this emotional rollercoaster and focus solely on your family. The more you think about him the more power you give him!!! Good luck to you! Your stronger than this, control your emotions!
Impudent Oyster Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Why would he think that telling you he's moving will get you to break NC? Bon Voyage MM!
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 He knows it will get me mad and it his way of getting back at me for NC the entire family. He cannot live next door to me knowing I will not give the time of the day. He wanted it all the secure home life and the exciting next door neighbor on the side. He has to leave in order to get another Ow because if he gets one near me he knows I will tell. how pathetic. That I believe is his mode of operation. I was just narcissitic supply and now he can't go back to the old source. Oh yeah and this all my fault in his eyes!!
Impudent Oyster Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Be strong FF, yes he's trying to manipulate you but don't let him get away with it. His moving would be a godsend, maybe you can get that message across somehow? It will frustrate the hell out of him to see that you won't bend to his whims and threats, and that's a good thing!
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Until you see a moving truck outside with his family's stuff in it, I wouldn't give it a second thought. When you do see a moving truck, you'll want to say a small prayer of thanks that this horrible cancer of a MM is out of your life and will no longer be around to help you destroy your family, and you will no longer be around to help destroy his. Let him move away and destroy his family on his own. You... well, hopefully you will be on some sort of track to try to get your head and heart back together, and refocus on your family instead of stealing away all of your emotional investments from them and wasting them on some married guy who doesn't give two sh*ts about you. a week ago he told me loved me and wanted me in his life forever. A MM will say anything you want to hear in order to keep getting what he wants. Even stuff he doesn't mean. Like this for instance. I wish there was some way you could look into his mind and see how he really feels about you. I doubt you'd like what you saw...
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Thanks LB your advice is always right on. It is exactly what I need. If he does not care why is he going through all this trouble to get a rise out of me? I am curious what you think he thinks about me. You say he does not give two sh????
whichwayisup Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Say to him: Good luck with your move. Take care and have a nice life... I doubt that he would tell his own son and your kids (I hope!!) that they're moving JUST to get a rise and a reaction out of you. This is a GOOD thing FF! Your problem is about to move away and NC will be so much easier on you! You'll be able to fully heal and move on. You'll be fine.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 FF, let me put it this way. People who love you do not treat you the way that your MM treats you. He is treating you like some sort of puppy who gets a pat on the head when she is good, and a kick in the ribs when she is not. He isn't trying to get a rise out of you because he loves you and can't live without you in his life. He is simply kicking you because you are being a 'bad puppy'. You aren't sex on tap anymore. You aren't willing to put your family second for him anymore. You are showing him that you care more for you, than for him. And you know what? His ego simply can't stand it. I don't think he ever loved you - not in the true sense of the word. He may have been passionate about you. He may have wanted you in his life (on some level, anyway). I'm sure he enjoyed the sex, but know this... People who love you do not f*ck with your family, or even ask that of you. People who love you do not do everything in their power to turn your heart away from the things that should mean most to you. People who love you do not punish you for doing what is right for you and your family.
PoshPrincess Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 FF, he's more than likely trying to get a rise out of you. If he is, don't take the bait. You have been doing so well. And yeah, if he IS moving, then be grateful that you will have him out of your life for good. No constant reminder there for you, of what might of been, what you've been through, etc. It will be so much better for you emotionally! Take care.
BestAdvisor1 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 To FF, didn't you sleep with your neighbor's husband? How do you face your neighbor and her kids everyday? Aren't there any shame when you see your neighbor or your husband? How do you sleep at night when you never confessed to the affair to your husband?
PoshPrincess Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 To FF, didn't you sleep with your neighbor's husband? How do you face your neighbor and her kids everyday? Aren't there any shame when you see your neighbor or your husband? How do you sleep at night when you never confessed to the affair to your husband? No bashing necessary here. FF has seen the error of her ways, so to speak, she is doing her best to move on and is trying to make everything work. She needs support now, and encouragement, not criticism!
TogetherForever Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Thanks LB your advice is always right on. It is exactly what I need. If he does not care why is he going through all this trouble to get a rise out of me? I am curious what you think he thinks about me. You say he does not give two sh???? FF, Let him move on. He will probably contact you once he's out of the marital home anyway. Then you can decide on what to do. TF
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 FF, I agree with PP and TF - let him move and don't ever contact him. He's playing this mind games on you - trying to get you to call him etc. You are doing just fine now, so stay that way!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 next time, leave your kids out of your inappropriate relationships and he won't have reason to tell them anything at all. i hope he does move, and he comes clean and starts over and acts like a real man.
Meaplus3 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Well it is not what you think, but my xmm blurted out to my kids today that his son could not play and that he was moving. So here is my question he knows that this is button on me . Is he trying to get a rise out me to break NC or is he actually moving . I have no idea and I am so upset and I want to break NC because I want to tell him to be mature and stop using all these tricks to pull me out of Nc. My kids are now upset because they thought I knew and did not tell them. WTF- and please don't tell me it does not matter and not to care. Why is he being so cruel after just a week ago he told me loved me and wanted me in his life forever. Do i break NC. I am so mad I also have a e-mail reay,but have not sent it. I also want to burst his bubble and tell his W everything,but then there goes my family down the toilet. Wow I wish I was single he would be done. FF, I highly doubt he is moving!! This guy sound's like a real SOB! You don't need a guy like that in your life FF! Don't trust a word he say's and do NOT Contact him! Let him go cry to his mommy! AP:)
StillConfused Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I have followed your story for some time now. Please don't believe him. I was involved in 1,5 year relationship with a guy who have a long-term live-in girlfriend. I tried to walkaway shortly after we started it out cause I felt awful and deceitful. I am a better person than the one he's made me into. For the past 1 year he's been breaking up and guess what? it's her that doesn't want him to move on. It's her who does not live her in peace. I've suffered so much. I tried all tactics with him. Asked him to let me go and focus on his relationship if he was not sure what he wanted. he never let me go telling me that I was the love of his life, the most important person of his existence, everything he ever wanted. I figured out too late that it was all manipulation. At least all this time has helped me to become stronger and when I stopped succumbing to his making me feel guilty for leaving him just when he needs me the most to be there, I walked away for a long time asking him to never look for me until he would really address his issues in the existing relationship and decide that he really needed and wanted to be with me. After some time, he came back, crying and pleading and telling me that he had thought out everything and wanted to be with me forever and it did not really matter if he had lost anybody else in his life. I believed him and I gave him a month timeframe to put a closure on everything. I wish I had not believed him. 2 weeks after he told me that he was ending the final things in his relationship he went on a vacation with her telling me that he did not go on vacation with her but with mutual friends. I felt devastated and lied to. Would not have you felt the same way? When the deadline arrived, he told me that he moved out and went to live with his friend (he can't live with me right now. I have my mom over cause she is sick. And I am too confused to want to go to live with him right now). Yet, he does not want to give me his friend's number, his friend's address, he does not respond to my late evening calls, he does not spend with me most of his weekends. So I told him I did not believe him that he moved out. First he seemed sad and told me that would do anything to make me believe. We agreed on some issues that needed to be resolved and he had said that he'd do it. 3 weeks passed by and he did not do anything he promised he'd do. So I asked him again. I told him that I had a serious issue and I needed his help if he was really doing what he was doing. And do you know what he told me? For the first time, he broke up with me. He told me that just now that things were getting better for us. When he was working towards making our relationship and love real, I was hurting him because I did not believe him when he needed me the most. That he was already going through so much hurt and I was only aggravating the situation. That in these 3 weeks he came to think that I am not really the nice person he used to think I was. That we were so strong together and my doubting him has killed his belief that our love was true and I was the right person for him. What do you think? It hurt he told me all these things. Yet, deep down I am happy. it has been dragging on for too long and I really deserve better. I feel very sorry for his girlfriend. He talked so bad about her. Now I don't believe a word he's told me. I guess, people are not always honest. PLEASE DON'T BELIEVE HIM. YOU DESERVE BETTER. DON'T CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR HIM. CHANGE IT ONLY FOR YOURSELF IF YOU BELIEVE YOU NEED TO. PLEASE LISTEN TO ALL OF US. PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE...
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Yet, he does not want to give me his friend's number, his friend's address, he does not respond to my late evening calls, he does not spend with me most of his weekends. THIS, right there is NOT a man inlove. That is a man who is a completely selfish jerk who was on a big ego feed and loving all the attention. What an assclown! Good for you that you got out and are now in the process of moving on and not looking back.
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Thank you for your story. I am losing track of how many days it has been of NC. I guess that is a good thing. There problem is not a minute that I am still not in shock and in utter disbelief how someone could say something like I want to be with you and to tell my kids we are leaving and then to do a complete 180 the next day and say we can't. He is making me feel guilty for ending the relationship because to him it was great and he cannot see what I am doing. This is the most frustration part. just when I think I will break Nc, I think why because if I do nothing is going to change. So for me this is the only I can get control over my life. How did he think was going to end. It really,really, really hurts that when push came to shove all of his words did not mean **** and he did not care at all. It is the worst feeling ever!!!!
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 There problem is not a minute that I am still not in shock and in utter disbelief how someone could say something like I want to be with you and to tell my kids we are leaving and then to do a complete 180 the next day and say we can't. FF, can I ask you something honestly? If back then, the MM neighbour had actually said, yes I am leaving 100% and he actually DID leave, would you be leaving your husband for him?
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 I honestly don't know. It would of depended what he had done or what we had done together to make sure the kids were taken care of. I think two years ago I would of left my H, but now because of all his actions I don't think so, unless he miraculously changed which is not going to happen. He says if I was married to I would not be playing these games with you and you could trust me. I am not sure if I ever would .So probably I could not be with him . Why does it hurt so bad and what should be mindset be to move on? why is it so easy for him to move on and not give a sh*** what I do?
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Why does it hurt so bad and what should be mindset be to move on? why is it so easy for him to move on and not give a sh*** what I do? FF, bottomline - When you really want this over, 100%, mind body and soul, it WILL be over. You just have to want and decide to close your heart off to him and detach in every way. Your thoughts are still with him so much... Honestly, I HOPE he does move away because it seems that will be the only way for you to ignore him and focus on your husband and own family. With him still nearby, you're not getting over it, it's still very fresh in your mind.
bonehead Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 FF After all you have been through trying to seperate yourself from this man, you should be PRAYING that he is moving. Though I have my doubts. You know what he is like when he isnt getting his way. you should have seen this coming. While you have been the bigger person and tried to keep it from affecting the kids, you should have known that at some point in time he would have to play this card. Its alot like a divorce where one of the spouses is using the love of a child against the other spouse, " If you dont want me you cant see the children "
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 FF After all you have been through trying to seperate yourself from this man, you should be PRAYING that he is moving. Though I have my doubts. You know what he is like when he isnt getting his way. you should have seen this coming. While you have been the bigger person and tried to keep it from affecting the kids, you should have known that at some point in time he would have to play this card. Its alot like a divorce where one of the spouses is using the love of a child against the other spouse, " If you dont want me you cant see the children " Wow, I can't believe you are back. Just when I needed you most. Well almost two weeks NC. No calls,no getting angry, no talking,nada. He has got to know I am serious now-right? Why is he acting like a baby and using the kids against me? Do you think this was a ploy to get me out of NC? Well it did not work and I still not biting. Everyday I get stronger,but I just feel like the worst is yet to come. I thik he is going to more of a d""" than I have ever seen What do you think?
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