sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I have been dating a new guy for about a month now, I wasn't comfortable with kissing too much at first but I am more comfortable now. We have been kissing more and making out so I have been able to see what he is like in that way. Ugh he is a bad kisser and just isn't doing anything for me when he touches me. (They are so light I can hardly feel him there like he is hovering, I tried showing him what I like but today he just went back to how he kisses I guess. And other things which I won't get into LOL) For the most important qualities he is what I am looking for and do have to make up my mind soon to not lead him on. But I am conflicted I don't feel the physical attraction but I know the other qualities are what I have been looking for, for a long time. So I hate to pass on someone and not find that again. He is kind, affectionate, considerate, would do anything for me, calls to see how I am and how my day went, will come pick me up for our dates, wants a family, kids and loves animals. Looking at what I just said I am confused about what my problem is. But I can't help not feeling the attraction in other ways. I also find a few things about him annoy me. I don't know why they are getting in the way, I am an open minded person and little things haven't gotten in the way in the past when the person was less of a match.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Is it the kissing and making out or is it that you're not that physically attracted to this guy? If it's only the first two, most people can be taught or will learn on their own, after more practice. Trying to learn to please someone new isn't always an easy task, especially if he's nervous.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Is it the kissing and making out or is it that you're not that physically attracted to this guy? If it's only the first two, most people can be taught or will learn on their own, after more practice. Trying to learn to please someone new isn't always an easy task, especially if he's nervous. Both I guess. I went into the date tonight to get a better idea of how we were since we did a little last time but he was tired so I knew we would pick up where we left off. Ended the evening feeling turned off an disappointed there wasn't a spark in that area. The way he kisses and makes out doesn't do anything for me which is a turn off, so there isn't an attraction in that way. He is a good looking guy, just not my usual type. I know you can teach people, I don't mind telling/showing someone but don't want to have to do what with everything and don't want to feel like I am being critical about everything even if I word it carefully.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Both I guess. I went into the date tonight to get a better idea of how we were since we did a little last time but he was tired so I knew we would pick up where we left off. Ended the evening feeling turned off an disappointed there wasn't a spark in that area. The way he kisses and makes out doesn't do anything for me which is a turn off, so there isn't an attraction in that way. He is a good looking guy, just not my usual type. I know you can teach people, I don't mind telling/showing someone but don't want to have to do what with everything and don't want to feel like I am being critical about everything even if I word it carefully. If there's no spark, it can be a turnoff, regardless if they're experienced or not.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 If there's no spark, it can be a turnoff, regardless if they're experienced or not. Which is frustrating because the most important qualities that I haven't found in another man are there. I tell myself maybe I need more time to figure out if it will get better, but don't want to lead him on. He mentioned tonight that we have been dating now for a month which go me thinking that I need to make up my mind so I don't lead him on. And sex did come up, no pressure once so ever but did mention that he has gone a lot farther with girls in the past a lot sooner and waiting is different for him. I just said everyone is different. I think regarding sex for me is that I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not sure about yet but I can't tell him that.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Which is frustrating because the most important qualities that I haven't found in another man are there. I tell myself maybe I need more time to figure out if it will get better, but don't want to lead him on. He mentioned tonight that we have been dating now for a month which go me thinking that I need to make up my mind so I don't lead him on. And sex did come up, no pressure once so ever but did mention that he has gone a lot farther with girls in the past a lot sooner and waiting is different for him. I just said everyone is different. I think regarding sex for me is that I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not sure about yet but I can't tell him that. Do you want my honest opinion?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Do you want my honest opinion? Of course. (by get better I meant the kissing and so on)
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Of course. If the chemistry isn't there at the start, it isn't going to get better as the relationship progresses. It's one thing to be friends all along and suddenly find each other attractive for whatever reason, and another to hope that it will happen, while you're in the midst of dating someone. -edit: Skill makes no difference. When you're hot for each other, you will find ways to please each other naturally.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 If the chemistry isn't there at the start, it isn't going to get better as the relationship progresses. It's one thing to be friends all along and suddenly find each other attractive for whatever reason, and another to hope that it will happen, while you're in the midst of dating someone. I have thought that and have been going back and forth because it has only been twice that we have experienced being physical twice. First time I was more into it and he wasn't cause he was tired, tonight he was and I wasn't. So that is why I though maybe I needed more time to see, when we are both on. Also in the past it has been the other way around there was no doubt about physical attraction but was always let down because they didn't have the more important qualities that this guy has. Would wanting to find both in one person be being too picky?
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I have thought that and have been going back and forth because it has only been twice that we have experienced being physical twice. First time I was more into it and he wasn't cause he was tired, tonight he was and I wasn't. So that is why I though maybe I needed more time to see, when we are both on. Also in the past it has been the other way around there was no doubt about physical attraction but was always let down because they didn't have the more important qualities that this guy has. Would wanting to find both in one person be being too picky? It depends on how long your list of required qualities are. Instead of looking for a guy that meets your list, why not just relax and find a guy who rocks your world?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 It depends on how long your list of required qualities are. Instead of looking for a guy that meets your list, why not just relax and find a guy who rocks your world? I actually hadn't had a list but a way I wanted to be treated. But if I were to have one this guy would have crossed off everything on the list plus more. Keeping in mind those would be qualities as a person and not looks and so on because who the person is, is more important to me. That being said, why isn't he rocking my world I would think I would know and not be asking questions if he did? Or is he right in front of me and I am resisting for some reason. As you may remember I did tell him I didn't want to meet because of not thinking I was ready to get into dating again, but did and since then he has grown on me and I am glad that I did. (did surprise me that a guy like him exists, the way he treats me) Maybe the kissing/making out thing isn't a big deal, as you said people can be taught and could be awkwardness cause we are new to each other.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I actually hadn't had a list but a way I wanted to be treated. But if I were to have one this guy would have crossed off everything on the list plus more. Keeping in mind those would be qualities as a person and not looks and so on because who the person is, is more important to me. That being said, why isn't he rocking my world I would think I would know and not be asking questions if he did? Or is he right in front of me and I am resisting for some reason. As you may remember I did tell him I didn't want to meet because of not thinking I was ready to get into dating again, but did and since then he has grown on me and I am glad that I did. (did surprise me that a guy like him exists, the way he treats me) Maybe the kissing/making out thing isn't a big deal, as you said people can be taught and could be awkwardness cause we are new to each other. Do you want him?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Do you want him? I have found myself wanting to see him more and when one day I didn't hear from him I did get a pang of worry which I took at a sign. I was almost ready to say yes to being his girlfriend, was just wanting to see what our physical chemistry was like. Which goes back to why I created this thread because it confused me. Did I answer the question?
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I have found myself wanting to see him more and when one day I didn't hear from him I did get a pang of worry which I took at a sign. I was almost ready to say yes to being his girlfriend, was just wanting to see what our physical chemistry was like. Which goes back to why I created this thread because it confused me. Did I answer the question? Nope.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Nope. Yes, but isn't that simple I guess.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Yes, but isn't that simple I guess. Surprisingly, it is that simple. If you don't want to have wild, monkey sex with him by now, you have to think hard about what you're getting yourself into, for future. Even if you do, it doesn't mean you can't be cautious about it. Anyways, I'm going to stop cornering you. Just food for thought.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Surprisingly, it is that simple. If you don't want to have wild, monkey sex with him by now, you have to think hard about what you're getting yourself into, for future. Even if you do, it doesn't mean you can't be cautious about it. Anyways, I'm going to stop cornering you. Just food for thought. Don't worry not cornering me! LOL I have to think and maybe I need an evening with him to show him what I like and see how he reacts. Share some thoughts on what we both like. Funny thing is from some things he has mentioned it sounds like wild, monkey sex won't be a problem, it's the stuff to get to that point I need to make sure we are compatible with. Ok I know that probably doesn't make sense! LOL Maybe I need to get some sleep (is 2am) and think tomorrow.
Krytellan Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 What a cute thread. Yeah, try and tell him what you like. Give him a chance, he may be more of a pleaser than you think. If he doesn't listen or responds negatively, that tells you something, right? But don't try to force a spark where there isn't or try to lie to yourself that it will come in time. In my experience, the lack of spark became more and more glaring with each passing month.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 What a cute thread. Yeah, try and tell him what you like. Give him a chance, he may be more of a pleaser than you think. If he doesn't listen or responds negatively, that tells you something, right? But don't try to force a spark where there isn't or try to lie to yourself that it will come in time. In my experience, the lack of spark became more and more glaring with each passing month. Thanks for the input. Ya I agree I think we need to share about that each other likes and see if he responds to it. When I showed him the date before how I like to kiss, he did copy me and it was good. He just didn't kiss that way last night. (I didn't show him again, held back to see what he would do) I do admit though that I feel like something is holding me back and not sure if it's him or me. (lack of something with us, in him or something in me holding me back from enjoying)
shoesies05 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 just curious... but were u recently in another relationship? cuz honestly- ive had the same problem but with a lot of guys since my last boyfriend who i deeply loved. Most guys just dont turn me on enough now... and i know its cuz they arent him and just dont do the things the way i like it- and im used to someone knowing all the right buttons to push. could it be something like that? and do u want to F**k his brains out or not? cuz if u dont by now, i dont think things are looking up
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 just curious... but were u recently in another relationship? cuz honestly- ive had the same problem but with a lot of guys since my last boyfriend who i deeply loved. Most guys just dont turn me on enough now... and i know its cuz they arent him and just dont do the things the way i like it- and im used to someone knowing all the right buttons to push. could it be something like that? and do u want to F**k his brains out or not? cuz if u dont by now, i dont think things are looking up Last long term was 3 years ago (was to be married and he walked out 3 weeks before). He is long in the past so isn't that. I did date someone for 5 months before this guy, who as the exact opposite. I was physically attracted, "my type" but disappointed me and took me for granted. This new guy isn't my type by a purely looks point of view, but he is attractive. But has all the other qualities that the other guys have lacked. Pretty much treats me like a queen. I do want to find out what sex together will be like but I have tried not to think about it too much because I want to wait until I am in a relationship to have sex.
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Are you waiting for a relationship or are you waiting for your mind/body/emotions to give you the go sign, as well as a relationship?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Are you waiting for a relationship or are you waiting for your mind/body/emotions to give you the go sign, as well as a relationship? Mind/body/emotions to give me the go sign to say yes to being his girlfriend. Then once in the relationship sex is ready set go! LOL It makes me laugh when he asks me "you will tell me when your ready?".
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Two questions. 1. How well does he listen to you? And I mean really listen not just nod his head. 2. How assertive is he?
Replicant Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 This new guy isn't my type by a purely looks point of view, but he is attractive. But has all the other qualities that the other guys have lacked. Pretty much treats me like a queen. I'm very surprised if he treats you in that fashion (like a queen) , if you take him aside and give him a subtle lesson on 'don't do it so much like this but instead try this and THIS!' so between the next date thinking it over and over and completely wild eyed into putting it into practice or at least aiming to please. Honestly if he's not lighting a 5 Alarm fire inside you 'right now!', from the way it seems he may just put the fire that exists at this point out when he decides to use his hose.
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