Outings with "friends"

[katiebour]

I'm really irritated right now.

 

My b/f came home today, we sat down, relaxed, played some video games together, and he suddenly says "We're going bowling tonight." Mentally I raised my eyebrows, but I just said, "OK," and asked who was going.

 

It was one of my b/f's friends, a person who is (sort of) seperated from her husband and whose foreign boyfriend is visiting for three weeks. Her current husband is sleeping on our couch to make room for the happy couple and the foreign b/f's brother.

 

I ask when we're going- he says, "She'll call us and let us know." Mentally I am starting to bang my head against the wall... I have a feeling they are planning a late night.

 

The foreign boyfriend is well off and he and his brother like to party. So does this friend. That's all well and good, but not only do I not like to party, I hate loud noise, copious amounts of cigarette smoke, large groups of people, or late nights. I know I sound like a fuddy-duddy but my hearing is bad, I don't smoke and it hurts my lungs, and I get up for work at 6am and work full-time plus overtime- about 45 hours a week the last two weeks.

 

She calls us and says, "8:30pm." We relax until 8:25, at which point she calls us and demands, irritated, to know where we are. We let her know we're on our way.

 

We get there, and she has her 7-year old son with her. He is loud, obnoxious, badly behaved, not to mention getting over being ill and also cranky/tired. He throws a crying fit almost as soon as we get there. I can almost guarantee that if I had known she was bringing him (who brings a 7-year old to a get-together at almost 9 at night???) I would not have gone.

 

Everyone is smoking and the 7-year old pours several drops of beer from the nearly empty pitcher into his Coke. Nobody but me seems to care. His mom remarks, "He likes the taste of beer." GREAT.

 

Then a WHOLE bunch of people show up that we do not know. We start the bowling amidst the 7-year old's 40-minute temper tantrum, to which she constantly replies "Turn it off! I'm not dealing with this!" He cries and screams louder.

 

My poor b/f, who loves children and this one especially (he's like a favorite uncle to the boy) is bending over backward trying to comfort the boy. The attention is just making him cry harder- obviously if crying gets him what he wants he'll keep crying.

 

We bowl (slowly.) I almost leave immediately but I know the b/f wants me to stay. The child throws a fit when my b/f buys a Reese's PB cup TO SHARE WITH ME because he doesn't get my half when he demands it. Another 10 minutes of crocodile tears. My b/f says "if you want it bad enough to be mean to me, take it." The boy cries harder. I finally put the incriminating candy in my purse- out of sight, out of mind. We bowl (still more slowly) and every time the boy bowls, he misses. Every time he misses, he yells "****!" in the language of the foreign b/f- obviously they've been teaching him the important stuff. He dances gleefully around yelling "****! ****! ****, yo!"

 

The 10th frame finally comes. I bowl, take the keys (b/f will get a ride home) and drive home asap. I work in less than 9 hours; am exhausted, cranky, and have a nasty case of heartburn from irritation at the whole hellhole of an evening (plus the cigarette smoke.) It is twice now that this "friend" has planned these late night outings with me working early the next day.

 

I AM NEVER GOING AGAIN! If it starts after 7pm count me out. I should have stayed home and played Guitar Hero. I'd be asleep now and relaxed, instead of stressed, irritated, hopped up on the caffeine from the Coca-cola I had at the alley, and tired to boot.

 

God I am getting an ulcer just thinking about it. Time to chug some Pepto and try to sleep.

 

I am just so pissed that I wasted several hours of my free time off work- I want my time back.

[Liquinn]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

This kinda happened to me.

Go with your heart, do what you think's right

[loverly]

Liquinn, no offense, but you give crap advice. You give the same answer to every question.

 

katie, I understand how you feel. I think I would have put the child over my knee and spanked him till he had a reason to cry.

This woman only makes your life difficult and my opinion is that you should cut her out off your life completely. If your boyfriends still wants to go on group outings where she is, by all means let him. You sounded secure enough to let him go out by himself, without having to wonder what will happen. But you have the right to decide for yourself who you socialize with and if you want to keep 10 miles between you and that obnoxious cow and her brat, then that is understandable and should be accepted by everyone.

[love necessity]

If you guys don't share the same lifestyle, then maybe it's time for you too find someone new. In the long run you will get tired of this and leave him anyway, since you don't enjoy his late gatherings.

[katiebour]

Thanks for understanding my rant folks. Boy, it was a disappointment of an evening- I'm going to make it clear that I am not going on any more late night outings unless I have the next day off, and I will be very careful to check as to who, exactly is going before I sign on.

 

LoveNeccessity- the problem is with my b/f's friend, not my b/f. We are very alike in our habits and spend most of our evenings quietly together. This was the first time either of us had been out with friends in quite a while. I'm hardly going to dump my lovely man over my opinion of his friend. He is a "rescuer-" he loves being friends with people in need and being of service or help to them. That's his own issue and the friends that he has reflect that desire to help people out- usually they need his help.

 

I'm fine with him going out with them if he wants to- I am simply going to choose to absent myself from outings like the above.

[sb129]

I think its great that you are secure enough in your R for your BF to go out without you etc......

 

Is it legal to smoke in public places over there? we had a ban imposed from july 1, and it rocks.

 

If you don't enjoy the nights, don't go next time. It sure didn't sound like my cup of tea, I would have wanted to slap the brat.

 

I am quite happy to stay home, have the TV remote to myself, eat ice-cream for dinner and get an early night if WB wants a night out at something like the football with the boys.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

Honestly, if I didn't enjoy an activity I wouldn't participate.

[fluffy0]

I am sort of in the opposite situation. Both me and my fiance are pretty anti-social, but i like to go out to loud places or with other people he finds obnoxious once in a while. I get really upset when he wants to leave right away or acts rude because I feel like he is not making an effort to compromise and do the things I like once in a while. You definately shouldn't have to stand doing stuff you hate on a regular basis, but if once in a while he invites to spend an evening with his friends, I think you should do it and just try to enjoy yourself no matter how bad it gets, as long as he isn't acting inappropriate himself.

 

Just remeber how lucky you are that your boyfriend tries to include you in his activities with his friends, a lot of people's SO would just go out by themselves instead of trying to include them.

[katiebour]

Thanks BacktoBlack- I have come to that conclusion as well. The only problem is not knowing ahead of time how good or bad an evening will be.

 

Fluffy I am grateful that my b/f does include me, and that he wants me along on most/all of his outings.

 

On a side note, the same "friend" called again yesterday and invited us out to a farm where she and her sister keep horses. I declined to go, and told my b/f he was welcome to if he so desired. He called and left a message for her saying that he might want to go- she never called him back and so we spent a great night at home playing video games, getting a full nights' sleep, and making some whoopie.

 

Definitely a much better evening.

[Liquinn]

Hmm, if a friend doesn't like you for who you are, then don't bother.

My girlfriend dumped me beacause of this.