PinkPolkaDot Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I hate to do this, but I'm driving myself crazy and anyones perspective would be greatly appreciated. About a year ago, I started a new job and met a guy, who I developed a crush on and therefore, didn't speak to. Somehow we became good friends, messaging each other constantly. He started coming over for tea and cooking dinner for us a lot and all of a sudden was completely innocently staying the night and holding my hand. Then he kissed me. Eventually I got annoyed and drunk and demended he tell me where we stood and after hours of consideration he decided we should go out. We dated for 4 months, he was my first real boyfriend (prev. boyfriends I dumped after 4 weeks when I got sick of them) and there was nothing wrong with the relationship. Towards the end I was getting very upset with my own life and I don't think he was really prepared for that, My family where pressuring me to move interstate with them and I told him I didn't want to because I loved him and he said he loved me too but thought I should do what was best for me and that was probably it. I asked if that meant we'd break up, and he said yes because he didn't believe long distance relationships worked and this way we'd have a chance of a future. I told him if he dumped me, there wouldn't be a future and thought we were over, but for the next month, we continued like nothing had changed. A week before I moved, my Nana died, which meant I spent a lot of time crying and quite frankly by the end of the relationship was a bit of an emotional basketcase. Always good. In leaving I gave him a letter saying that he was probably right that we should break up, that it was for the best etc. and a framed picture of us (which I meant to give him for his birthday but had been too embarrassed about). After I'd moved we where friends, we texted each other and called one another a few times. About 2 weeks later I sent him a message saying I took back what I'd said in the letter and I thought it was pathetic. I was driving myself insane sending him messages like that and he eventually snapped and told me he didn't see us together in the future (Which was a good thing really, because I couldn't convince myself it was really over with everything as it was) I told him I didn't want to have conact with him for a while, even though he wanted us to be friends. He got very offended by this, but I thought it was for the best. About 2 weeks later one of my friends told me that he had been saying I wouldn't speak to him. I felt terrible and got his number from my friend and sent him a message saying I was sorry I had to do that but I thought we could be friends now. He never replied. A week later he came on msn and we spoke politely about our lives etc. I decided to just leave him alone, until I caved and sent him an email, just friendly conversation, about a week passed and he hadn't replied (though he rarely checks his email) he came on msn and I asked if he had got it, he told me he hadn't checked yet, but then logged off msn, I let it go...for about 5 minutes then sent him a message jokingly berrating him for not saying bye, he apologised and said his connection cut out...So I stopped messaging him. I'm doing this all wrong I know. I keep dreaming about him. I keep thinking about him. And I think I should just go back to not contacting him at all, but I'm moving back to the town I used to live in (where he lives) and I'll see him a few times a week (we go to the same church, bible study, if I get my old job back we'll work together) so I'd much rather us be friends. And I really miss him, not just as a boyfriend, but mainly as a friend. I'm sorry this is so long and pointless. I'm so scared I'm going to seem like one of those obsessed ex's. Actually, I'm scared I AM one of those obsessed ex's. I don't know if I should just message him like he used to (when we were friends) and just try and keep the friendship (which he wanted!) going or if I should just leave him alone, which will make things awkward when I move back and make thing horrible because I miss him (I've got no friends in my new city and I could really do with someone to talk to, which makes losing a friendship even worse). I'm getting really worried about moving home, even though I love it there, and have even managed to put it off for a few more months then I intended to. I should probably end this rant here (Is it obvious I have an issue shutting up?) Any advice you be great. Thanks.
rooseveltjezebel Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I don't know if I'm the best person to give advice because I'm currently wanting to call a guy when I really shouldn't, but I'll try anyway. I really think you should give him some space and wait for him to contact you. You say it will be ackward if you don't talk to him before you move back, but don't you think it will be just as ackward if you keep contacting him and for some reason he ignores your messages. I know it will be hard, but try to wait for him to call you.
Curious139 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Honestly I think you have done all that you can. If he decides he wants to contact you, he will but it might take a few months. Time softens our memories and the good things rise to the surface. Nevertheless I suggest you try not to think about him or hold your breath for the next few months. He may never reach out. That is really hard to accept and I can only comfort you by saying you are not alone. Many many people here ache daily for a word from their ex.............and it never comes. Eventually we find the strength to move on but it takes time.
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 You have done all you can to keep in contact with him but you still hear nothing from him. So the best thing to do now is to stop messaging or emailing him. I think you have done enough of all that. Given time and space, he will probably come around. With that said, I also think you should move along. Enjoy the free time you have by spending it doing something fun or beneficial to you. If you decide to move back home, why don't you join a club or something, that way you can make new friends and you won't think too much about him. All the best!
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