justfine Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I've asked myself this question several times and wonder if I even want to get married again. What I'm hoping is to meet someone special and maintain a BF/GF relationship for as long as the relationship lasts. What concerns me is that if I have a great relationship and we're truly in love, what would I do if my gf pressures me to get married. If she gave me an ultimatum; get married or break up. I've been separated for five months now and I feel much better these days. However, for the first two-three months, it was hell on earth. How do you folks feel? Do you think you'll give marriage another try if the right person came along? Btw, I've read that the failure rate for second marriages is higher than firsts.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 A good question which I'm not certain I could answer. Most definitely, I'm in no hurry to get married again and right now, in no hurry to even give up my singlehood, for something exclusive. It's wonderful to not be responsible to/for anyone. The man I'm dating is so good to me. He's got everything a woman could want and more. Who knows, maybe one day he will change my mind.
Lizzie60 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Never did.. never will... Why??? to go through all the hassle of divorce ...
Curmudgeon Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I did. I wasn't planning to. Didn't think about it. Didn't need it. Could have lived without it. Was perfectly happy being single again. Just did it! Everything was right.
Road Rage Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 justfine You have been separated for five months and you are ponedring whether you will ever get married again? The answer for you is yes. You will get married again. Most people at your state of affairs, that is separated, sure of divorce, are most adamant they don`t want anything to do with marriage again. Of course, after the divorce and a few years they usually do change their mind:confused: They say the definition of insanity is to do the same thing again and again and to expect a different result:laugh:
Woggle Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 After my divorce I made a list of criteria a woman needs to meet for me to even consider commiting to her and I was sure no woman could ever meet it but I met a woman that met my standards and then some. I seriously doubt that if something happened to her I would ever marry again because I would never meet a woman like this again and I would rather be single than miserable. If we were ever to get divorced it would be because she portrayed herself to be something she wasn't which means I will probably never trust a woman again.
bish Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I've asked myself this question several times and wonder if I even want to get married again. for me that would be a resounding...F##K NO!!!!
Gunny376 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I'm not oppossed to marriage. If the right gal came alone, the stars, planets and constellations all aligned up properly...............................? But, I'm not looking for marriage ~ marriage is going to have to find me, because I'm not looking for it! I've been married once ~ that was seventeen years ago. I shacked up with a gal since then for six and half years. I describe her as being almost the right girl in the wrong place at the wrong time in my life. These days? The only reason I see for getting married is to have and raise children. Having done that and now out of the child rearing and child support business ~ I'm not in a hurry to get back into that business. Part of the problem I have with getting married again is the fact that I simply have much more to offer your average woman than your average woman has to offer me. I know how to cook, clean, do laundy etc. So all that a woman has to offer me is sex and compaionship. The problem I have with that? Is the ROI (Return On Investment) of time, effort, energy and money worth the "oddles" (technical economics terms for describing the emotional benefits of ownership) worth being in a relationship with some woman. Part of the reason I got out of my last LTR was because all I was getting out it was ~ (GASP ) ~ SEX! As a man ~ as a human being ~ I wanted to feel valued, wanted, needed, appreciated, desired. The gal that can come along and understand that about me? Might just have a chance of getting me in a picture in the Sunday edition of the newspaper!
LakesideDream Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I have to agree with Gunny. During my time as a "married" man I learned how to cook... really cook (my kids called the ex "the incenerator"), do laundry, shop, keep house etc. Since marriage, I've learned (sorta) how to keep a house, a budget (thank gawd), handle credit/credit cards, and most of all how to be patient. The only plus (for me) to being married is the companionship. If my cat ever dies, that will become an issue. Fantastic sex would be a plus, however as a "reason" it's overrated. Seriously it would have to be the right woman. Time would need to pass before I'd be sure of that, and the women I have met in the past seven years don't seem interested in spending that time. Most seem preoccupied with an instant ticket to the gravy train.
Melovator Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Next time- if he says he loves me and wants to be with me forever- then yes he will marry me and I will have my dream wedding- In Vegas with an Elvis impersonator officiating! Just because its a solemn occassion doesn't mean it has to be serious... But then my ex was wanting to cheat which is why he didn't marry me in the end...
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 The way women are cheating with men and other women now!!! S*** I dont even want to get married! I'm 26 and got no kids. I think I'd just stay single to I die. Or if I do ever get married she's signing an iron clad prenup! lmao!
Woggle Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 The way women are cheating with men and other women now!!! S*** I dont even want to get married! I'm 26 and got no kids. I think I'd just stay single to I die. Or if I do ever get married she's signing an iron clad prenup! lmao! And if she doesn't sign that prenup send her on her way. When my wife agreed to sign a 20 page prenup with no fight I knew she was the one.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Amen to that Woggle. Kanye West was absolutely right!!! LMAO
Woggle Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Amen to that Woggle. Kanye West was absolutely right!!! LMAO They should make cd with that song and that older rap song Goldigger by a group called EPMD on it and hand it to every man about to get married. They should also hand a copy of that women's infidelity book to men so they can discuss this with their bride to be. Her reaction should determine whether or not she is marriage material.
Bobby NoBrains Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Right now it hurts too much to really answer yes to that question. But marriage is about companionship and having someone you care for, and who cares for you, in your life. I'm separated right now cause it seems that the person in my life doesn't fit that profile. Yet I do wish to have someone who would fit that profile, in my life. So even though I dunno where I'm going right now, I still dunno if I'll say never. Just my two bits .. Bobby
sumdude Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I have no idea... never say never? If so like others have said she would have to be really something because I won't allow myself to go through this again. I think the failure rate of second marriages being slightly higher makes sense. Usually in the first marriage one or both of the couple has 'issues' of some sort. One of them is the marriage 'ender' and less likely to be commited to a partner in the first place. So then they take these same issues into marriage number 2 wihout learning anything. Plus they've already divorced once so a second time they're more likely to jump the gun. Naturally it skews the curve a bit since the pool is full of those same people and many are marrying each other. The ones who stayed married aren't in the pool to keep the numbers even. The succussful second marriages are those who found the right match the second time and learned something from the first go round.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Honestly, the jury is out for me on that one. I have been separated for nearly three years, and physically separated (living in separate homes) for only a few months. I have been seeing OM (technically he wasn't OM per se - stbxH was the one who fixed us up during the 'open marriage' fiasco) for a little over two years. On paper I am still married. In my state, you have to be living in separate residences for a year and a day before you can file for divorce. So.. even though we separated our marriage years ago, technically we are only separated for a few months. I love OM, I really do - but I still love my stbxH too (though not romantically - its more of a family sort of love - no piece of paper marked 'divorce' is going to change the fact that we will always be family to each other, and always love one another). Marriage for us was unique - it started out differently than most, it ran differently than most, and it is ending different than most. For some reason, it feels like I was married once, and I will never feel quite the same way about it again. My OM was married too, only his was a horrifying traumatic experience for him. I seriously doubt he will want to marry again. I guess it could be said that for both of us (but for different reasons) its not the person we don't want to marry, its the idea formed about marriage from our first times around that keep us from doing it. OM does not have a problem with me being married on paper. He never did. He and stbxH are friends, and business partners and have been for many years. There was always a complete understanding between the three of us about this from the very beginning. There still is. Its a tricky situation when you hear it from the outside. The only other person I have seen even remotely in the same boat is TogetherForever. Her boyfriend is still legally married, but has moved on with her in a new life, and his legal wife has moved on with someone else too. The only difference really, is that when the time comes to file, we will file. Will that lead to marriage? Not sure. If I had to give an answer though either way, I'd say probably not given how OM and I feel about it in general. That could change though, who knows...
Toolate Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I want to get married and have a family more than ever now. When my ex left it made me realize what i wanted. I always did want it but i always thought it was something else. Does that make sense?
jesslindy Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I've only been seperated for four months, and I can answer the that in a most ironclad NO!! I think back to when I married my wife, and how I thought that it would always be the greatest thing ever. That she was the one for me. My parents, our friends, all so happy. None of that people talking about how it would be a mistake. I not only felt it I truly believed it. If that can happen to me once it can happen to me twice. Why would I be that stupid. My wife never gave me the impression she could be so cold, a liar, or a non-remorseful person. She is a completely different person than when I met her. And if she can do it, so can someone else. The newness of a relationship will always wear off. I'm like Woggle. No PRENUP, walk. Do not meet my list of EVERYTHING I feel a wife should be for ME, walk. And I can only say that because I know I am capable of being what my wife would need me to be.
Amelie Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 No. NO WAY. I don't ever want to even be in a relationship again. I was with someone since he was 15 and I was 17. We grew up together. We are so alike that even in the worst worst worst times we both knew that we were the "same kind of people"... the best candidates for happily ever after, because we were FRIENDS. He was unfaithful several times. He just couldn't seem to help himself. He can't resist that stroke, that ego boost, that a girl noticing him and flirting with him gives him. I thought of course, at first, that it was because of something I was or was not doing... and now that I'm 37 and have lived life a little more and paid attention along the way, I understand that it's not ME that makes him unable to not do this... it's just him. What he is and is not capable of. I never want that pain and rejection and betrayal again. I never want to feel like a damned fool again. I will NEVER let anyone do that to me again, sit there and wonder "where is he?" "is he where he said he would be?" "why is he late?" "who is he talking to?". Forget it. Maybe men and women are just really unable to stick to one person forever. There's too much temptation, too many situations one can be compromised in, too many people each of us could feel a connection with. I will not be "the betrayed" again, nor the "jealous" again. It's just me and my girls from here on out. The thought of never having s** again is frankly horrifying to me, but there are non-human options for that in abundance.
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