bartles Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Ok..you are going through the normal break up emotions. One minute you are ok and the next you are angry, resentful and etc. Sometimes men need that space to see that they made a mistake. I belive that if something is meant to be it happen so if he was meant to be yours he will come back. Now, the first day for me is ALWAYS the hardest. I tell myself do not call, text, IM..NO CONTACT. I keep myself busy and then at night..I start feeling alone and I pick up my phone and send a text. He replies and we start communitcating. The next day I feel darn why do I do that as at this point we are still broken up depsite the conversation (via text) we had. So I get upset...upset that I can't even go a day without talking to him and he didn't call me first. I had to contact him. So now day 2 sucks and I spend the day wishing I never met him until at night and I feel lonely and I pick up my phone and send yet another text. Things keep going that way I am the one having a hard time letting go as he has..he is not contacting me but replying to me as I have been contacting him. I say all that to say...IT TAKES TIME to get over someone. You stated the decision was right and made sense. Spend time LOVING YOU and ONLY YOU and it will get easier. I am still working on getting through one entire day..lol. But I've noticed that each day has gotten easier and I don't get the urge to pick up the phone and expect him to reply or get mad if he doesn't. Almost like we've crossed over into a frienship but not really where you say hi..how are you..respond and goodnight. Letting go is HARD. THe emotions that you go through is BRUTAL but learn from it...no REGRETS! Besides if its meant to be it will come back to you..I believe that with all my heart
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 i am moving in and out of sadness and anger at the moment. its a bit of a ride, and i dont think i will fully know my feelings until it all settles. I'm with you on that, Spin. I think almost everyone goes through that post break-up.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Thanks Spin for letting me vent on your thread It happened 3 and half years ago. I only got over him about Jan 2007 (pathetic, I know!). Few months after he broke up with me, he called to check up on me. See how I was doing yada yada yada... he wanted to stay friends and I thought back then by doing that he'd realised he had let something precious go - we stayed friends - we ended up being great buddies. We'd share opinions on other guys I should date - vice versa. I think it was because we were so close that it was hard for me to get over him and I knew deep down inside he wasn't really ready to let me go. He confessed that later on but we didn't get back together because of his mother. I am now with someone new, yes. After 3 and half yrs of being single. I didn't open up to any guy - tried but it failed. There just wasn't any chemistry with anyone else then. My current BF is amazing. I think it was worth the wait. The last time I hung out with my ex was a few months back and to be honest with you - IT WAS A BORING DAY OUT WITH HIM!!! We used to have so much fun but I just found him boring now! I decided to stop hanging out with him out of respect for my BF. My BF think he's spineless for not standing up with me - my BF isn't alone on that. That's another story! Lol. So nope, we don't see each other anymore but keep in touch through MSN every other month or so to catch up on things. sounds as though he should be pitied that he allowed/allows? his mother to dictate his life so much. your boyfriend now sounds great. no its not pathetic that it took a long time to get over him, it just shows that your feelings are real and deep. and you can vent in my thread all you like, i'm not possessive like that
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Now, the first day for me is ALWAYS the hardest. I tell myself do not call, text, IM..NO CONTACT. I keep myself busy and then at night..I start feeling alone and I pick up my phone and send a text. He replies and we start communitcating. The next day I feel darn why do I do that as at this point we are still broken up depsite the conversation (via text) we had. So I get upset...upset that I can't even go a day without talking to him and he didn't call me first. I had to contact him. So now day 2 sucks and I spend the day wishing I never met him until at night and I feel lonely and I pick up my phone and send yet another text. Things keep going that way I am the one having a hard time letting go as he has..he is not contacting me but replying to me as I have been contacting him. I say all that to say...IT TAKES TIME to get over someone. LOL - I have been there. Thank goodness I don't do it anymore. I noticed when you do call and not feel stupid for doing so that means, you're totally over him - esp when the calls are just to ask important stuff. My ex and I are somewhat involved in the same industry so kinda have to communicate with each other.. not so much anymore.
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 sounds as though he should be pitied that he allowed/allows? his mother to dictate his life so much. your boyfriend now sounds great. no its not pathetic that it took a long time to get over him, it just shows that your feelings are real and deep. and you can vent in my thread all you like, i'm not possessive like that Yes, I pity him. He does in a way let his mother dictate him. What pissed me off even more - esp early this year was that he told me that he isn't going to let his mother dictate who he wants to date etc. What?? You just realised that now huh? Geeez... LOL - thanks! I'm in no way possessive like that too so if I started any thread, you're welcome to crash!!
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Ok..you are going through the normal break up emotions. One minute you are ok and the next you are angry, resentful and etc. Sometimes men need that space to see that they made a mistake. I belive that if something is meant to be it happen so if he was meant to be yours he will come back. Now, the first day for me is ALWAYS the hardest. I tell myself do not call, text, IM..NO CONTACT. I keep myself busy and then at night..I start feeling alone and I pick up my phone and send a text. He replies and we start communitcating. The next day I feel darn why do I do that as at this point we are still broken up depsite the conversation (via text) we had. So I get upset...upset that I can't even go a day without talking to him and he didn't call me first. I had to contact him. So now day 2 sucks and I spend the day wishing I never met him until at night and I feel lonely and I pick up my phone and send yet another text. Things keep going that way I am the one having a hard time letting go as he has..he is not contacting me but replying to me as I have been contacting him. I say all that to say...IT TAKES TIME to get over someone. You stated the decision was right and made sense. Spend time LOVING YOU and ONLY YOU and it will get easier. I am still working on getting through one entire day..lol. But I've noticed that each day has gotten easier and I don't get the urge to pick up the phone and expect him to reply or get mad if he doesn't. Almost like we've crossed over into a frienship but not really where you say hi..how are you..respond and goodnight. Letting go is HARD. THe emotions that you go through is BRUTAL but learn from it...no REGRETS! Besides if its meant to be it will come back to you..I believe that with all my heart thanks bartles, i know, i have been better today than yesterday, but i have contacted a couple of times, and all it did is make me angry. its pointless, especially because i am just kind of spinning around (because i am a spinderella), so i dont really know where i am coming from, or want to come from. i seem to be coming from everywhere at the moment! sometimes it helps to do it the way that you have. i dont always believe in no contact, except where the person is stuck in a groove. for me at the moment its better, as the colder he is to me the less i have to lose, really he has been cold for ages, despite saying that he still wants to be with me. maybe it was a reaction to me, or maybe he just stopped trying to impress me. i dont think i can know that from where i am at the moment. you are right, if its meant to be and is a good thing, the answer will come to me, and the chance will come to me. same for you too. if you think that contacting him makes you feel weaker then try to go a day without and allow yourself the next day. but if you are just doing it because it helps you, and you are always looking on the break up as a positive, then do what you have to do. i invite you to vent on my thread too if you want to.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Yes, I pity him. He does in a way let his mother dictate him. What pissed me off even more - esp early this year was that he told me that he isn't going to let his mother dictate who he wants to date etc. What?? You just realised that now huh? Geeez... LOL - thanks! I'm in no way possessive like that too so if I started any thread, you're welcome to crash!! LOL thanks aswell. I will look out for your threads if I seem to be starting too many of my own at any point.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 ugh. going through it abit. it really is helping talking all over this site though, if nothing else it gives you something to do!
szq77 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Sorry to hear what you're going though Spinderella, that really sucks. I've been there before and each time it makes you a little stonger. The positive side to these awful situations is that you learn something from everything that happens. I think we are meant to go through the pain so that when we do find our special person we will appreciate them even more... Hope things get better for you
rockinbeyondrepair Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 yeah break ups are f*cking sh*t...instead of calling and sobbing, find one of those funny soundboards on the net and prank call him... works for me! laughter is the best medicine!
Spinderella Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Sorry to hear what you're going though Spinderella, that really sucks. I've been there before and each time it makes you a little stonger. The positive side to these awful situations is that you learn something from everything that happens. I think we are meant to go through the pain so that when we do find our special person we will appreciate them even more... Hope things get better for you Thanks! Yes, I think this is freeing me up for my Mr Right, and I will be happy about it one day. My emotions and thoughts are still swinging from one place to another, so I am not taking any action on anything at the moment. Not that I havent done, I have said some stupid things and grovelled a little! Thats why I think its wise if I just let myself settle down until my thoughts run clearer!
Spinderella Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 yeah break ups are f*cking sh*t...instead of calling and sobbing, find one of those funny soundboards on the net and prank call him... works for me! laughter is the best medicine! LOL, interesting advice! Thanks for making me laugh.
Spinderella Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 ugh, this must be the part where it gets worse before it gets better. each of my feelings are the same but getting temporarily stronger than before. i think there is a bit of ego kicking in here aswell now, so i'm still not going to allow myself to contact. i cant be sure of anything about this while my ego is dominating things. theres nothing to do but keep rolling with it, but i dont feel too good. i still know it must be for the best.
marlena Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 ugh, this must be the part where it gets worse before it gets better. each of my feelings are the same but getting temporarily stronger than before. i think there is a bit of ego kicking in here aswell now, so i'm still not going to allow myself to contact. i cant be sure of anything about this while my ego is dominating things. theres nothing to do but keep rolling with it, but i dont feel too good. i still know it must be for the best. Spinderella dear, Stop spinning for a while and take a very good look at who this person is. In order to do this, you will have to put some distance between yourself and your ex. Only then will you be able to see him for who he really is. If you can't make a long - term decision about NC, put it in a time framework- let's say two weeks at first - and commit to keeping it at whatever cost. See how you feel at the end of this time. I can almost guarantee that you will have regained a lot of your self esteem and you will not be so willing to lose it again. You will also have a clearer picture of your ex and what it was about him that led to the break - up. If after two weks, you still feel like calling him, do it and if the outcome isn't what you expected, go on NC for a longer period of time. I assure there will come a day when you will look back and sya, "What was I thinking?" I went strict NC when I realized that my ex was a loser and a troubled one at that. He has called three times. I was very remote and unresponsive to him and never returned his calls. Just yesterday he sent me a chirpy upbeat email that I don't know if I should answer. The truth is I am much happier without him. It took months of NC for me to understand this. I don't want to go back there. I am not saying it is the same for you. Your ex may be a nice guy who deserves a second chance. But remember both have to want it.Give him the time to miss you and work things out in his head. Sweetie, hang in there!
marlena Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Oh, and ego, isn't such a bad thing sometimes. We all need to develop a healthy ego - it gives us our sense of self- worth and self- esteem without which we can not lead happy, healthy lives or make the right choices. I'm sure you will agree. So, I say, it's good that your ego is kicking in - it will protect you.
Spinderella Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Good advice Marlena. Thankyou very much. You are right and this is what my intention is, which is why I keep trying to let everything settle down. I have NOT been strict NC though, and that is the next step I should be taking. As time goes by I become more and more sure that I do not/did not want to be with him anyway. I had reasons why I kept ending the relationship, and it was only keeping in contact when I was going through it that prolonged things this far. Maybe it sounds really selfish of me, but I was genuinely very confused because I know that I have tendencies to push guys away anyway. Hindsight doesnt really help me there because some of the guys have gone on to have great relationships with other women who adore them, and down the line I have wondered why I ever threw them away and others I think "Yeah, glad I got out of that one". I do think though, that either way, I should not be in that relationship. I think waiting a few weeks and seeing what I really think is a very good idea. I like what you say about ego, I have never thought of it that way before.
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