Spinderella Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 well. i am single again. i dont really know if i care all that much. well, actually i am saying this after a few days of sobbing and that awful feeling of rejection. the truth is, that logically, it makes sense to split up, after all, it wasnt working. i am pretty good at not being in a relationship, but i havent had much practise for awhile....
Amelie Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Well, it sounds like you have the tools to get on with things, and the mindset for it. Sorry you have to deal with that... the rejection hurts the most I think... that someone feels they'll be better with something else is always so painful - it automatically makes one think "but what's wrong with ME?". Hang in there.
andref Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 well. i am single again. i dont really know if i care all that much. well, actually i am saying this after a few days of sobbing and that awful feeling of rejection. the truth is, that logically, it makes sense to split up, after all, it wasnt working. i am pretty good at not being in a relationship, but i havent had much practise for awhile.... I know how that feels. Make sure you take good care of you now. Do whatever you feel like doing, always. Want to go for a movie? Being alone isn't a proble, after all the love of your life can be there, and if you're alone that will help Did you ever met someone interesting with your boyfriend next to you? It's very very rare. Soon you'll be flirting again, which is the essence of youth!
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Aahh to be single again! Oh well, I was single for almost 4 years before this and I had a great time! I took my time and now I met someone who is truly amazing. So for all of you, take your time - enjoy your singlehood and you will meet someone!!
Spinderella Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Wow. Thanks people. I did not expect a reply since I didnt really ask anything. Well. That was yesterday! Now today I am in terrible pain, and feel sick. I think I ruined this relationship, but, I am still confused about that. So why am I in pain? He didnt give me a second chance, and perhaps he shouldnt have had to, but this has come as a shock to me because he never told me that it was affecting him. I just thought he didnt care all that much, and it made me worse in the relationship. It is hard when somebody says its just too late and there is nothing you can do. Nothing, no apologies, no second chances. And yeah, I am pretty self aware, but, I have my problems.
madgun68 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Umm, how does a person "kinda" get dumped. I am sorry to hear that you are suffering though. That always stinks.
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Now today I am in terrible pain, and feel sick. I think I ruined this relationship, but, I am still confused about that. So why am I in pain? I don't know. Why are you in pain? Over the break-up or are you seriously in pain like tummy-ache kinda pain? If you're feeling all heavy-hearted and not in the mood to do anything, then it's because of your 'kinda-break-up'. Been there and it's not nice at all!!! He didnt give me a second chance, and perhaps he shouldnt have had to, but this has come as a shock to me because he never told me that it was affecting him. I just thought he didnt care all that much, and it made me worse in the relationship. Well, we all can't really say we know what you're going through because we don't know the whole story and you don't have to tell us if you don't want to but if you need to vent, go ahead. If you want someone to tell you their experiences or maybe some kinda advice then it would really help to tell us why the break-up happened, what was affecting him.. etc. It is hard when somebody says its just too late and there is nothing you can do. Nothing, no apologies, no second chances. And yeah, I am pretty self aware, but, I have my problems. Yeah, I hate when someone says that. It happened to me once but we're back together now. We didn't really break up but 'too late and there is nothing you can do' kinda applied to my situation but all is good now. Maybe yours will too.. who knows. Just hang in there!!
Spinderella Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Thanks for the replies. I "kinda" got dumped because I already dumped him nearly every time I saw him, therefore it is hard to say whether I really got dumped or he finally accepted me dumping him. Make more sense? I kept dumping him due to fears. Unfounded or not, I cant really say at this point as I have no more clarity than I had then. I am confused. Extremely so.
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Well then you definitely need some time out from relationships. Ahhh... confused... I hate when men do that to us. Well, we women can be confused without them making us one, anyway. You'll come around.. I know you will.
Spinderella Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Thanks again Lyssa. Oh god. I am being pathetic. Snivelling on the phone etc. I gotta stop this. You are right, he is right, I know it all makes sense, but still I cant seem to handle this.
Spinderella Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 i HAVE to stop calling him. i dont know what i am expecting from it. its stupid, but when he answers then i feel relieved. why am i being so irrational? ughh. anyone else going through this?
Lyssa Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Why do you feel the need to call him? Relax, Spin. Is there any way for you to get your mind off him? Lol - I don't know.. hang out with your buddies or something? I went through this before. I hated it, to be honest. I hated the way I acted. It was so unhealthy. My situation was different though. He broke up with me and left me hanging. I kept calling him (uh-oh.. the pathetic feeling is coming back to me!) and just wanted answers or at least just to hear his voice. Blergh. This sucks, Spin - I know...
Spinderella Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Thanks Lyssa, this is really helping, plus I cant phone him whilst I am replying . I dont know. I guess the main thing I am going through is fear that I made a mistake and actually had this sweet guy there who loved me. What if I blew that? Also if he was this sweet guy all along, that I hurt him too. Thing is, as I said, I am still confused as ever. Talking to him will not get me anywhere really. I need to find the answers within myself, the trouble is, that if the answers are that it was my problem all along then I still dont get a second chance. I suppose I want him to tell me he will be willing to wait for me to find out what I really think and feel. It sounds really selfish, and is probably selfish. I guess I should work out what I think and feel before even attempting to contact him at all. Its just this stupid pain. And its not ego, its fear of losing something really good and never, ever getting the chance again.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 well, the fog is clearing today, and i realised i had some good reasons why i kept ending the relationship, and some bad reasons why i kept getting back. this is all happening for the best, and i didnt mess up. these are just the results of me ending things, for very good reasons. i guess you always have a panic that you may have been wrong and thrown something good away. just a little more rational thought on this matter, and i know i will be over the pain.
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Hey there Spin! Sorry I didn't get back to this earlier - was caught up on another thread. You're right, talking to him will get you nowhere. At the same time, if he did give you a second chance, chances are things might still be the same. Maybe you need to stay single, get to know yourself, go through your past r/ships and see where needs to be fixed. Yup, this could be happening for the best. Oh yeah, I almost threw away my r/ship with my SO a few weeks ago because of a misunderstanding and I had a panic attack. I'm just glad everything sorted out. You know what, Spin - you'll live and you'll be better sooner than you thought... *hugs*
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 thanks lyssa and dont worry about it, its not like i'm paying you LOL. yes youre right, its getting better already. ok, momentary doubts and lapses, but that is bound to happen. i know this is for the best, for whatever outcome, and so i will just go with the flow.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 ok now i am feeling angry. some reasons why i kept ending it were stuff like, he would say that having possessions was more important to him than having me in his life. his ambition was to get rich so that he could impress women . all in all he was an immature idiot, and completely incompatible with me. there were loads of reasons that i kept ending it. now i am caught in between feeling annoyed at myself that i kept going back, and feeling pleased with myself that i held back from going back fully. i am annoyed mainly that i was so lonely that i would call cause i just didnt know what to do when i went through a depression. this IS a gift to me, it gives me the option of finding another way. i must keep that in mind.
marlena Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Spin, Love your nickname by the way! You sound like a young girl with a good head on your shoulders! You know exactly why you are doing the things you are and that is a good start! I have not the slightest doubt that VERY SOON , as you so adeptly put it, accept the GIFT that has been given to you!! You know you WILL find another way!
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Let it all out, Spin. I have recently developed somewhat of a hatred (although that is too strong of a word to use) towards my ex. I just feel that I wasted 3 years of my single life trying to figure out what went wrong, how to fix it - although it wasn't my fault at all that he broke up with me - neither was it his. It had something to do with his mother. The thing is, up til today, it still bugs the hell out of me even though I am so over him. It's how he handled it, how childish he was for not standing up for me.... Oh gee whizz... sorry, Spin - lol - this is all about you and I'm sorry for venting out but just reading your latest post got me riled up!!!
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Spin, Love your nickname by the way! You sound like a young girl with a good head on your shoulders! You know exactly why you are doing the things you are and that is a good start! I have not the slightest doubt that VERY SOON , as you so adeptly put it, accept the GIFT that has been given to you!! You know you WILL find another way! thanks, but i am not so young! at least i look young for my age as well as sound it. which just shows how immature he was, because he is pretty close in age to me. thankyou, yes i believe in this.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Let it all out, Spin. I have recently developed somewhat of a hatred (although that is too strong of a word to use) towards my ex. I just feel that I wasted 3 years of my single life trying to figure out what went wrong, how to fix it - although it wasn't my fault at all that he broke up with me - neither was it his. It had something to do with his mother. The thing is, up til today, it still bugs the hell out of me even though I am so over him. It's how he handled it, how childish he was for not standing up for me.... Oh gee whizz... sorry, Spin - lol - this is all about you and I'm sorry for venting out but just reading your latest post got me riled up!!! hey, i INVITE you to vent out in my thread. sometimes it takes a while before we let things out properly. its good you are releasing these feelings for what happened, and shows that you must be in a safe place to do that now, yeah?
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I guess you're right. I thikn back then I held back, didn't want to say anything is because I was so afraid of hurting his feelings. I was really hurt for how he broke up with me. It was just a coward way and I really couldn't believe he actually did not have the guts to tell me instead he told our bestfriend.. it was just so bloody s***ty! His mother has an issue as well. I say 'has' because I know for a fact she still have issue with every single girl her sons go out with! We were so close but just because of one person, she changed her perception of me. I am not in the wrong, I know that and I don't owe anyone an apology but it pissed me off that she didn't even give me a chance to hear my points. Not only that, she's also a hypocrite. I respected her so much for the person I thought she was.
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 thats a shame. its good you are letting out your anger. was it a while ago? are you with someone else? do you still see him?
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 i am moving in and out of sadness and anger at the moment. its a bit of a ride, and i dont think i will fully know my feelings until it all settles.
Lyssa Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Thanks Spin for letting me vent on your thread It happened 3 and half years ago. I only got over him about Jan 2007 (pathetic, I know!). Few months after he broke up with me, he called to check up on me. See how I was doing yada yada yada... he wanted to stay friends and I thought back then by doing that he'd realised he had let something precious go - we stayed friends - we ended up being great buddies. We'd share opinions on other guys I should date - vice versa. I think it was because we were so close that it was hard for me to get over him and I knew deep down inside he wasn't really ready to let me go. He confessed that later on but we didn't get back together because of his mother. I am now with someone new, yes. After 3 and half yrs of being single. I didn't open up to any guy - tried but it failed. There just wasn't any chemistry with anyone else then. My current BF is amazing. I think it was worth the wait. The last time I hung out with my ex was a few months back and to be honest with you - IT WAS A BORING DAY OUT WITH HIM!!! We used to have so much fun but I just found him boring now! I decided to stop hanging out with him out of respect for my BF. My BF think he's spineless for not standing up with me - my BF isn't alone on that. That's another story! Lol. So nope, we don't see each other anymore but keep in touch through MSN every other month or so to catch up on things.
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