Raiatea Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 I have been with my SO for 2 1/2 years. We have lived together for all of this time (I knew him for a while before I moved in with him & started our relationship). He doesn't trust me. He never says it though. He checks my phone, checks up on me, "tests" me to see how I would respond in certain situations, and many more things. Before me he was with someone for about a year, he was going to move in with her but on the day he was due to pick up the keys, he found out that she had slept with her ex boyfriend that weekend. He tells me that she used to say that "you can trust me", "I am not the sort of woman that would cheat", "I don't believe in infidelity". When I try to reassure him that I won't ever cheat, I am committed to him and would marry him tomorrow if I could, he says "well SHE said that so how can I trust you?". I don't have much of a social life so it's not like I am out every night at clubs (I often go shopping with girlfriends on a Saturday) but that's about it. I adore spending time with him, and taking care of our home (boring I know!) But in my youth I did the partying/wild nights out/excessive drinking thing and I am so over it now. I tell him this all the time. How can I get him to trust me without checking up on me all the time? Words don't seem to help. I am trying to show him that I am extremely interested in our future and not a cheater...but then "that's what SHE did". He is only like this sometimes, not every day. Maybe he gets insecure a couple of times per month. I feel like I can't win sometimes!
Starry-eyed Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 You can't make or get anyone to trust you. It has to be a decision on his part. You've given him no evidence or information to suggest that you're being unfaithful, so he is making a choice to not trust you. His past is shaping his future. By checking up on you, it sounds like he wants to be in control, also. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, so the question may just be to yourself if you want to keep dealing with it.
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