ncpd25 Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Hi Everybody, I've was on LS about a year and a half ago after being broken up with my ex gilfriend. At the time of the break-up, I went to a counselor to speak about what happened and to deal with it. A determination was made that I had a history of meeting and dating women that either just got divorced or had recently broken up with somebody. I was told by the counselor that if I met sombody that fit the above criteria, to say "It was a pleasure meeting you" and then walk away. Dating after that involved me finding out "where they are" with respect to relationships. After my break-up, I chose to stay on my own. I didn't want to get involved in a rebound relationship. Now to the meat and potatoes: The girl that cuts my hair knew I wasn't dating anybody and asked me if I would like to meet her Mother's boss. I agreed and we went to lunch, after speaking on the phone a few times. Lunch was fantastic and I found her very attracive, intelligent and personable. I found she was divorced for 4 years. I thought "Four years, that's O.K." We began going out and discussions involved her telling me that she had dated somebody on and off for the past 4 years (She met him before she was divorced, but seperated). In an attempt to protect myself, I found out that she had broken up with this guy several months before meeting me. As time progressed. she always seemed somewhat secretive and would only give me piecemail information. I felt comfortable with the circumstances and decided it would be O.K. to continue dating. As time passed, my feelings grew as did hers (allegedly). I later found out that her ex stopped by to pick up some personal effects of his. I thought it was odd that he was just picking up stuff after moving out several months ago. My g/f still said, she broke up with him several months prior to meeting me. Things between her and I were going really well. I was planning to go to meet her parents and brothers in N.J. this past weekend. Five days before going, she sent me an email advising me, her ex stopped by one night as he wanted to talk to her. She sad, he explained why he continually lied to her and she felt he had good reason to at the time. He also was seeing somebody else behind her back. That is why they broke up. He cheated on his wife before meeting my g/f, he's in a worl of debt and always borrowed money from her. She even had to get his cellphone because he couldn't get one for himself. She repeatedly told me, she no longer had any feelings for him and she would not get back with him. I told her I didn't want to be a rebound for her if she had just boken up with him. She again, told me that wasn't the case and she said there is no way I was a rebound. She said in her email that she was still dealing with some baggage from the relationship and she asked that I have patience with her and she promised not to "let me down. She said she is "in love with me" and she didn't want to lose me. She always seemed so genuine and sincere and I felt I didn't have any reason not to believe her. As it turned out, I wasn't able to go to N.J. as I had something that was preventing me from going. She told me there would be plenty of opportunities to go with her in the future. The following day when she was in N.J, she called me and said in a voicemail that she had a long talk with her girlfriend and she was having mixed emotons about me (Less than 24 hours earlier, she was saying we could go to N.J. in the future. She said, she is not ready for a relationship and she didn't want to hurt me. She said, I was really special to her, I've done everything right and (she previously told me, she was falling in love with me. She claims, she really cares for me but, she wants to do the right thing. She actually broke up with me in an voicemail, but asked if we could meet or talk on the phone when she got home. I didn't call her back but chose to think about she said and make a rational decision. I thought it was pretty cold hearted to break up with me in a voicemail, so I decided to send her an email for when she arrived home on Monday. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of meeting with her. I was going away on business (which I was). In my email, I mentioned the circumstances about her ex and how I began to think, she lied to me about when she split with him. She always asked me to stand by her side and spoke of our future together. I told her I didn't not want to speak with her nor, did I want to see her. I told her, I figured she broke up with her boyfriend a week or two before meeting me and I thanked her for leading me on for a few months, dragging me through the mud and then walking all over me. Her response, was most of what I said in the email was true but, she didn't intentional hurt me. The way I see it, she knew she was lying to me and she knew it was intentional. She said, she really cares for me, I deserve better and she hoped I find the perfect woman. I never responded o her email. She had a few things of mine and I bought her a few birthday gifts the week before. She said, she would be happy to mail everything back to me. I really don't want anyhing back from her. Eventhough, I tried to protect myself and find out circumstances before hand, she told me boldface lies. She is back with her boyfriend now. She seemed so genuine and told me I was the perfect boyfriend and I treated her great. She always said all of the right things. I was really pissed at myself for falling for her lies. I think I'm ready to totally give up on dating and relationships. Anybody have perspectives or coments?? Thanks for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.
justfine Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Yes, relationships and dating are truly difficult. The truth is that you never really know a person. Anything can happen at anytime. I wouldn't give up on dating, but, a nice break would be good. The next time you meet someone you're interested in and start to date, just go with the flow and try not to get too emotionally involved too soon. Relationships need alot of time to develop trust and even after many years of a relationship going well, it can suddenly all go to hell. I for one, look at relationships as temporary. Even loving, long lasting relationships will end one day when one of the spouses dies and that is the best case scenario. Nowadays, more and more people are deciding not to get married. Marriage rates are on the decline.
LakesideDream Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 ncpd25, Yup, I feel for you. I have had a couple of similar experiances, and have "slipped away" from a couple of other ladies who acted like yours before a relationship began to form. I have found that more than a few, maybe "most" more mature women (45+) will lie about their true relationship status during the meeting stage of dating. One lady five years after a 20 year marriage broke up was adament about only having one serious relationship after divorce, that lasted a couple of years ending six months earlier. After a couple of dates I ran into her and a date (the "ex" BF) at a local eatery. We all talked (he had no idea her and I were dating) Seems the construction industry had taken an upturn, he was again employed, and planning on "moving back in" after an absence of six weeks. I wasn't bothered by it. I had "fun" laughing with him about the economic situation, she knew however that I was laughing at her. She sent me an email the next day, and when I didn't answer began calling me. I blocked her number and answered the "apology" email simply, telling her "good luck" and that I was very happy that her lies were exposed before I wasted any emotional effort on her. That didn't make her happy, she emailed some jibberish back, and I blocked her email too. I suggest you do the same.
Author ncpd25 Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 Hi Lakeside, That is odd, my ex just turned 45 this past Sunday. I wouldn't respond to her request to meet with her however, her reply to my email mentioned above, was something along the lines of: I'm sorry, I didn't intentionally hurt you (bull). You deserve better and she hoped I meet the woman of my dreams. She said, she would not bother me or call me. In the event she did, I don't think I would respond at all. I don't even know if she would attempt to get in touch with me or not. With all of the things she said to me, the way she acted around me etc...It's hard to believe this happened. I don't throw words around like "I love you", "you're my soulmate" etc...unless I mean them. She tossed that stuff around like they were punchlines to a joke. She went so far as to ask me about children. She was concerned that I would leave her due to my not having any children and her feeling, she is too old to have kids. I think the only way, I would hear fom here would be if her b/f screwed her over again and she needed somebody to "right his wrongs". I won't be that guy. She can dump on somebody else. Thanks for the insight.
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