DOA Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 I'm starting to really lose hope in my LDR. In fact, I'm sick to death of it. My boyfriend and I are both students, we live halfway across the world from each other. Only two visits a year is possible. I independently pay for all my trips and daily things, while my boyfriend is pretty much spoilt by his family. I'm starting to really resent the fact that I have to work my ass off, and sacrifice a lot of things back home to save up a hoard of money to see him under the pressure of my horrible university workload, while he can just consult his parents for whatever he wants and mostly gets it. This resentment is really making me feel worried. The feelings are real between us but I'm beginning to realize how unrealistic our situation is. It will be years before either of us are free of school and family to be able to move to be nearer to each other. Any advice or words would be greatly appreciated. I just need to know someone understands where I'm coming from or can give me some hope or reality check.
Illicit Angel Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Hey DOA....i think the LDR is a huge strain on any person and resent has a devestating effect on them. I am in a similar situation and do understand how frustrating and even heartbreaking it can be sometimes be when you have so much going on all at once. Ask yourself seriously if you could keep living in these circumstances for the next how ever many years it would be, and what would life be like without your b/f? If your love is strong you will cope.....Good luck
Author DOA Posted October 20, 2007 Author Posted October 20, 2007 Thanks for the words, Illicit Angel. Is anyone else out there feeling the same as me?
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 If it is love, and it is a strong love, it will endure the stresses and challenges of the distance. It is not his fault his parents are able to give him a lot, so don't resent him for this. If my mom was rich and could have given me my college education as a gift, she would have done that, but she wasn't. She offered what she could. If you really love your boyfriend, you will be happy that he has parents that will help him out to that extent. After college, when you are looking at marriage, it will actually be a benefit to you because you will only have your loans to pay off. Also, his parents will be your INLAWS and they might very well foot the bill for your loans and be VERY generous with cash when you get married! IN addition, right now he doesn't have to work and can concentrate fully on his studies, so he will have high grades and be able to get a great job (hopefully high paying) and provide for the two of you even better! You might not even have to work and be a Stay at Home wife! Wouldn't that be worth it all if you can work this out and hang in there for 4 years? OK, if he has rich parents, couldn't he just pay for the flight for you to see him? All he has to do is say to his parents that he needs money and then he uses that money for your plane ticket...something is off there.
Nevermind Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Oregon Blackberry... ouch! Are you serious? Dear Doa, hi! I am in a similar relationship, although my bf and I live on the same continent, we are also only connected by plane (or more than 30 hours in train...sigh). So, I can understand you. When my boyfriend and I where facing the beginning of our long distance relationship, we agreed on something: we wanted each other to be happy and we wanted to be happy ourselves. Whenever one of us decides that this relationship, or the distance between us and the problems that come with that distance, cause him/her unhappieness, then it is over. Because you need to be happy. So, we accepted that it is not only a question of love, but of many, many other things. Basically, you should decide wether you are happy with being his girlfriend, and wether or not you are happy enough to endure all the stress and weird emotions, when he is not there. There is no recipe, or formula. No right decision either. However, here is one piece of practical advice: share the cost of flight! We always do that, because like this you are both paying the same amount always, if there is a good offer, you both profit from it. And, of course, if his parents buy him his ticket, then you don't pay. I don't know how well off his family is, but if his tickets are really no issue, talk about sharing just yours. Be sincere when you talk to him about it, but do not be resentful. It is not his fault, that his parents can support him so well. Nor is it your fault, that you pay for everything yourself. It is just part of the whole being that you are. He has to accept it, so do you. My boyfriend and I also don't know how we will be together, it will take some years, too. Sometimes, I am not even sure if we will be together. But when I am with him it is great and more: it feels right. I feel right, being with him is like coming home. No matter how it will turn out, I do not want to lose that feeling. I do not want to lose any moment with him. It makes me happy.
Recommended Posts