Author rechan01 Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Well my family is definitely drama...I kind of only have my mom (and her sisters and family). I always had my dad in my life, up through undergrad, and then he just sort of up and left us all. So that was a big thing stemming my "lost" period & depression...I still feel lost since he's only been gone for a few years. After 35 years of marriage to my mom he just left her and now is on to bigger (and younger) things. So...I'm sure psych majors could have a field day with that one. That was another reason that I knew it was time to see someone to help me work through things...and help me realize that my dad's actions are no indication of me as a person. I have grown stronger from this and much closer to my mom. We've always had a small family anyways- I have one older brother who is also very distant and lives far away from us. We have a good relationship with him, though. I think my H's brother has always been jealous of my H. In fact, I distinctly remember him saying one night, drunk, to my H - "You've got it all..." and then slurring along about how good our relationship is, how we both work so hard and have been successful and supportive of each other's endeavors. My BIL has always had strange tendencies...after his 2nd stint in jail he came out saying..."I have to be good because of my probation officer...but I am so scared of going back to jail...if I go back I'll kill myself..." I don't know how familiar you may be with legal theories of "mens rea" or the guilty mind, which is a factor in criminal law. But I know it all too well, because of knowing him. He is a very dark person- he tries really hard to work and have a normal life, but somehow his darker desires get the best of him and he has always done stupid things. Right now his current girlfriend is 8 1/2 months pregnant and he actually beat her when she was 3 months pregnant and went to jail for it. She is STILL WITH HIM...and she even told me (before all of this drama went down) that he indicates to her that he doubts he can be good and says that he is trying as hard as he can. But I already have heard of a few occasions of drug use- through her & my younger BIL- cocaine on their coffee table and whatnot. So I worry about them- the baby, everything... he's like a black sheep but he's magnetic, it's almost like out of a movie. Which is why, I think, my H somewhat understands, even though he has ALWAYS tried to see the best in my BIL, even when he was coked out and beating his girlfriend...
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 That is kind of the story I was afraid of hearing. I've pretty much only got my dad and step mom, so I can understand the attraction to a smaller close knit family. But realize that with 2 brothers who are drugees, this family has some large scale issues. You ever hear that saying good guys finish last? This is one thing you are going to need to watch out for in a big way. Your BIL may seem like a jealous wreck... and make no mistake he is. But deep down your H is going to feel on some level that you were more attracted to the bad boy than him. Not all guys struggle with that... its usually the ones that are striaght laced and have thier crap together. What steps are you going to take to build trust with your husband?
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 BTW, I really feel for what your going through... because you tried to do the right thing and I think your therapist just gave you some terrible advice! There are some real dumb ones out there! Oh, and your BIL is a real piece of work! I can't see why your H family would ever believe a word he says.
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