Stolen money

[Cerise]

OMG, I feel sick to my stomach, what a terrible morning!

 

I barely got out of bed and the phone rang, it was a mother, whos kids go to school with mine. She told me that a man from another country who works for her husband lost his wallet with over a thousand dollars in it.

 

Her son told her my daughter had it. I went and woke my daughter and asked her about it. She was half asleep and I was very firm, I told her I wanted the truth first time around and she needed to tell me before the police were involved, she sat up, eyes big. I asked her about it and she said that another girl found it.

 

The girl she acused is two years older than her and they are not allowed to hang out with each other because every time they do she gets into some kind of trouble, mostly just from me, like being late or not being where she said she was that sort of thing. This girl also has a bad rep in the town (small town) to a point that I have had several other parents warn me about letting my children play with her ever since we moved here a year ago. She is out all over town all the time, she is only twelve but I see her out at like 11pm on a friday night on the street, I don't want my kids part of that although I always tell my kids they are responsible for there own choices and I try not to judge this other girl and family and don't ever in front of my children.

 

On monday my daughter was out doing collections for the Terry Fox run for her school, she was gone a really long time and was in trouble because she was suposed to be back for dinner, when she came home she was not hungry, which suprised me as she has a very healthy apitite and never misses dinner. I questioned her about why she wasn't hungry as it was strange and she just told me she wasn't feeling well.

 

I guess while she was out doing this she ran into this other girl who then was tagging along with her, in front of somones house they found the wallet on the side walk and the other girl picked it up. My daughter says she tried to make her hand it into the store at the end of the street but she refused.

 

My daughter says that that she was giving out the money to these other kids whos ages range from 12-18years old. I think there were four or five of them and then the other girl threw the wallet behind the store. (18?!! should know better than that!)

 

So I tell this mother that and she proceeds to talk to the mother of the other girl.

 

So here I am trying to get my kids off to school and there is a knock at the door, it is the mother that called me. She tells me what the other girl and her mother say it was all my daughter, that my daughter picked it up and my daughter was the one handing out the money. She tells me she would like me and my daughter to come to the other girls house so we can talk and sort this out.

 

So we go, and the other girl and mine argue about who found it and who gave out the money, we stopped that and said it dosn't matter who as they were both there and both responsible. We go to look at the store where this wallet was thrown out.

 

Funny thing is the other girl said it was in the garbage can in front and my daughter said she went into the back with it. We found it in the garbage can where the other girl then tried to say it was one of the other kids that they were giving the money to threw it in there.

 

Anyways we drop my daughter off at school, and she is on the verg of tears and her story still hasn't changed. I just tell her I love her and to go and have a good day. The mother drops me off at home and is on her way to talk to these other kids and tells me she will call me and let me know what she finds out.

 

I have a very strong feeling my daughter is telling me the truth, I can ussally tell when she is lying to me. The fact that she felt sick was obviously guilt. I caught her off guard when she was half asleep, and her story never changed and then there is the rep this other girl has.

 

This other girl went home with money, $50 on monday and told her mom that my daughter gave it to her. My daughter didn't come home with anything I don't know if that has any relavence to who is telling the truth.

 

I feel so bad, my daughter should have told me the truth right away and I feel like there should be consequences for her not coming to me with this and for not turning it in but on the other hand, I know what it feels like being accused of somthing you didn't do, when I was 13yr my aunt acused me of taking money from her sons piggy bank and I didn't do it, I told her who did but she didn't belive me and now I am 29 and it still bothers me that she didn't belive me lol

 

What do you think I should do? Any sugestions for reasonable consequences?

The whole thing just makes me feel

[melodymatters]

I see no one answered you so :

 

I wouldn't be TOO upset. things like this are a right of passage in kids lives. If your gut says your daughter is being honest, trust it, and her. I ALWAYS knew, when my daughter was lying.

 

Perhaps there needs to be some punishment, but no need to go overboard, use this as a teaching/learning moment.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

OMG, I feel sick to my stomach, what a terrible morning!

 

I barely got out of bed and the phone rang, it was a mother, whos kids go to school with mine. She told me that a man from another country who works for her husband lost his wallet with over a thousand dollars in it.

 

Her son told her my daughter had it. I went and woke my daughter and asked her about it. She was half asleep and I was very firm, I told her I wanted the truth first time around and she needed to tell me before the police were involved, she sat up, eyes big. I asked her about it and she said that another girl found it.

 

The girl she acused is two years older than her and they are not allowed to hang out with each other because every time they do she gets into some kind of trouble, mostly just from me, like being late or not being where she said she was that sort of thing. This girl also has a bad rep in the town (small town) to a point that I have had several other parents warn me about letting my children play with her ever since we moved here a year ago. She is out all over town all the time, she is only twelve but I see her out at like 11pm on a friday night on the street, I don't want my kids part of that although I always tell my kids they are responsible for there own choices and I try not to judge this other girl and family and don't ever in front of my children.

 

On monday my daughter was out doing collections for the Terry Fox run for her school, she was gone a really long time and was in trouble because she was suposed to be back for dinner, when she came home she was not hungry, which suprised me as she has a very healthy apitite and never misses dinner. I questioned her about why she wasn't hungry as it was strange and she just told me she wasn't feeling well.

 

I guess while she was out doing this she ran into this other girl who then was tagging along with her, in front of somones house they found the wallet on the side walk and the other girl picked it up. My daughter says she tried to make her hand it into the store at the end of the street but she refused.

 

My daughter says that that she was giving out the money to these other kids whos ages range from 12-18years old. I think there were four or five of them and then the other girl threw the wallet behind the store. (18?!! should know better than that!)

 

So I tell this mother that and she proceeds to talk to the mother of the other girl.

 

So here I am trying to get my kids off to school and there is a knock at the door, it is the mother that called me. She tells me what the other girl and her mother say it was all my daughter, that my daughter picked it up and my daughter was the one handing out the money. She tells me she would like me and my daughter to come to the other girls house so we can talk and sort this out.

 

So we go, and the other girl and mine argue about who found it and who gave out the money, we stopped that and said it dosn't matter who as they were both there and both responsible. We go to look at the store where this wallet was thrown out.

 

Funny thing is the other girl said it was in the garbage can in front and my daughter said she went into the back with it. We found it in the garbage can where the other girl then tried to say it was one of the other kids that they were giving the money to threw it in there.

 

Anyways we drop my daughter off at school, and she is on the verg of tears and her story still hasn't changed. I just tell her I love her and to go and have a good day. The mother drops me off at home and is on her way to talk to these other kids and tells me she will call me and let me know what she finds out.

 

I have a very strong feeling my daughter is telling me the truth, I can ussally tell when she is lying to me. The fact that she felt sick was obviously guilt. I caught her off guard when she was half asleep, and her story never changed and then there is the rep this other girl has.

 

This other girl went home with money, $50 on monday and told her mom that my daughter gave it to her. My daughter didn't come home with anything I don't know if that has any relavence to who is telling the truth.

 

I feel so bad, my daughter should have told me the truth right away and I feel like there should be consequences for her not coming to me with this and for not turning it in but on the other hand, I know what it feels like being accused of somthing you didn't do, when I was 13yr my aunt acused me of taking money from her sons piggy bank and I didn't do it, I told her who did but she didn't belive me and now I am 29 and it still bothers me that she didn't belive me lol

 

What do you think I should do? Any sugestions for reasonable consequences?

The whole thing just makes me feel

 

maybe she didn't physically hand out money, my guess is is she might have or might as well have. but she was a part of the whole situation and knew it was wrong. instead of getting herself out of the situation, she went along for the ride and she needs to learn not to do that because it makes her just as guilty.

 

you have to teach her by not letting her run around the neighbourhood alone and then accompanied, with or without your knowledge, by older girls, or anyone else, that she gets into trouble with. if she can't be trusted (you already said she got into trouble several times and was banned from hanging out with her) you should already know you need to keep a closer eye on her. 10 year olds should not casing a neighbourhood unattended by someone appropriate anyway.

[Tony T]

By not saying anything immediately, your daughter is equally as guilty. By not enlisting the help of school counselors and others to see that your daughter stays away from this other girl, you have a responsibility for this as well. Yes, being a parent is difficult but you can't resign.

 

I see a pattern of your daughter becoming irresponsible, participating in illegal activity, not respecting you by not coming home when she's supposed to, etc. It can only get worse if there's not intervention. Also, I can tell you right now that her mother is a low class no class who will try very hard to put all this off on your daughter. You need to step back and see the bigger picture. Your daughter has to face some very serious penalties for hanging around with this other girl.

 

If authorities get ahold of this, your daughter may go up on grand theft charges...although, again, she was just an accomplice and since she is a juvenile she would be dealt with less severely. If you want good things for your daughter, you will go to great lengths...including obtaining a court order...to keep this other trouble making girl away from her.

 

If I were you, I would call authorities proactively and have this all professionally sorted out before your daughter gets in a lot more trouble than she's in.

[dropdeadlegs]

Parenthood has it's nightmare moments and I'm sorry you are experiencing one.

 

The pressure of peers and the lure of "found" money are both very strong. I do not doubt that many 10 year old girls would have done the same thing. As parents it is difficult to anticipate every possible situation our children will come across and teach the appropriate lesson in advance.

 

This can be a great lesson for your daughter in honesty and lies by omission. The best possible outcome would be an apology and direct restitution by all of the kids involved, but that is unlikely with so many players involved. As a young teen I stole film from a store and my parents found the film (I lied about how I obtained it.) By interrogation, I admitted the theft and was taken to the store to admit what I had done and pay for the film. My parents actually covered the cost, but I had to work off my debt to them as part of my punishment. The embarrassment and shame of telling the store manager what I had done was a real lesson. I know your daughter didn't actually steal, but she was aware of the lost wallet and distribution of the money, and the two scenarios aren't that far apart in terms of ethics.

 

Since so many children were involved, I think you will be able to ascertain where the truth lies after all are questioned. If your daughter has told the truth, I do think that it warrants consideration, much in the way that cooperating with the police often does in criminal cases. Grant immunity? No. Take her honesty after the fact as deserving some leniency? Yes.

 

A good talk is merited concerning what she did wrong, but I think that her cooperation should also be noted as something positive.

 

So, my punishment, assuming she has told the truth, would be an apology and restitution to the wronged party of any funds she partook in (if any.) A week or two of being "grounded" would be added, too. My version of grounding involves no leaving the home without parents, no having people over, no talking on the phone to friends, and suspension of any TV/gaming. I might allow strictly educational TV viewing with the family, but no "Hannah Montana" or anything for pure pleasure. At 10, that would seem like the end of the world....

 

If you really want to make a point, take her to speak with a police detective about the possible consequences of this type of action.

 

Good luck, Cerise. I hope you don't have a morning like this ever again! Don't beat yourself up about this, you are doing everything a parent can do to appropriately handle a bad situation.

[Cerise]

Well the other mother called me back, it is aprearing as though my daughter had NOTHING to do with it except not telling.

 

She has spoken with a couple of the other kids and I guess my daughter kept saying it should be handed in and the other girl was thretning her by saying if she told anyone she was going to beat the crap out of her!! Suposidly my daughter just kept doing what she was suposed to and the other girl just kept walking with her and following along with a couple of other kids. Thats what two of them said when asked about my daughters involvment.

 

 

I have gone through all my daughters things and found nothing, no money.

 

I guess the mother of the other girl is still saying it was all my daughters doing and is not acepting any resposiblity for even the fact her daughter was there at all or had money at all. She very begrugingly gave the $50 back and said that my daughter should be paying for the lost money and that she shouldn't have to give anything!

 

I live in a town with less than a thousand people so there is very little doubt in my opinion that the truth will be found out. I guess the school is doing locker checks today as they already found $200 laying in the hall.

 

Right now I am too upset to make any desicons on what to think or what to say or do, I will find out more this afternoon.

 

I apreciate you input and would love to hear more before I have to make a desicon as it is easier to see clearly when not involved emotionally!

[Jinnah]

Well the other mother called me back, it is aprearing as though my daughter had NOTHING to do with it except not telling.

 

She has spoken with a couple of the other kids and I guess my daughter kept saying it should be handed in and the other girl was thretning her by saying if she told anyone she was going to beat the crap out of her!! Suposidly my daughter just kept doing what she was suposed to and the other girl just kept walking with her and following along with a couple of other kids. Thats what two of them said when asked about my daughters involvment.

 

 

I have gone through all my daughters things and found nothing, no money.

 

I guess the mother of the other girl is still saying it was all my daughters doing and is not acepting any resposiblity for even the fact her daughter was there at all or had money at all. She very begrugingly gave the $50 back and said that my daughter should be paying for the lost money and that she shouldn't have to give anything!

 

I live in a town with less than a thousand people so there is very little doubt in my opinion that the truth will be found out. I guess the school is doing locker checks today as they already found $200 laying in the hall.

 

Right now I am too upset to make any desicons on what to think or what to say or do, I will find out more this afternoon.

 

I apreciate you input and would love to hear more before I have to make a desicon as it is easier to see clearly when not involved emotionally!

 

I think I would be upset that my daughter did not tell me, but she may have been afraid that you would not believe her. Don't be too hard on her. Tell her from now on that she needs to come to you right away if something happens. I would find age-appropriate books that teach kids the importance of having morals. I'm not sure if you are religious or not, but that may be something that would help here.

 

I'm not sure I would punish her severely. This might make her never tell you again. It sounds as if she is actually innocent in this situation. Tell her that this girl is trouble and could have gotten HER in serious trouble. It sounds like your daughter tried to walk away, so I wouldn't be too upset at this point. Open the lines of communication with her so she will feel more comfortable with talking to you in the future.

[dropdeadlegs]

I'm glad to hear that forthcoming information is proving her innocence in the real crime.

 

Based on the latest info, I would be more lenient, but would still have some kind of consequence for not telling somebody about what happened at the time things went down. It is very unlikely that the man who lost the money will get much of it back now, but apologizing to him for not coming forward sooner, even though she didn't actually take any money would still be a good lesson learned.

 

Of course she was scared. She was threatened, but she needs to know that threats will happen again and that the right thing still must be done. She needs to know that you are more able to protect her from threats when you know the truth.

 

Bet she stays away from that girl, now, and that is a blessing. Sometimes it takes this kind of circumstance to see a person's true colors. I really appreciate a parent that stands up for their child, but a parent also has to be able to determine when to do that and when to look at the evidence and see when their child is in the wrong and/or lying to prevent punishment. You didn't blindly believe, you checked things out, and it turns out that your gut was right. That other mother will have fistful of these events if she can't see her daughter objectively.

 

I think the appropriate action for you and your family will be clear when the time comes to deal with it.

 

I was once accused of something (stealing) that I had nothing to do with myself. My parents questioned me and due to my circumstances at the time, I now understand why I was the easy one to point the finger at. I don't think they blindly believed me at all, but more information came out and I was vindicated in their eyes. The girl who said I did it, and no doubt was the guilty one, convinced her mother that she was innocent. Our mothers worked together and we were "friends" (apparently not!) and it was an uncomfortable situation. Many years later thru Classmates.com that girl contacted me. I asked her about why she did that to me and she claimed no knowledge or any memory of the whole affair. She even said her mother had no memory of it. Funny how me and my mom remembered the thing like it was yesterday. Yet they acted like we made the whole thing up.

[quankanne]

She has spoken with a couple of the other kids and I guess my daughter kept saying it should be handed in and the other girl was thretning her by saying if she told anyone she was going to beat the crap out of her!! Suposidly my daughter just kept doing what she was suposed to and the other girl just kept walking with her and following along with a couple of other kids. Thats what two of them said when asked about my daughters involvment.

 

sounds like your daughter knew what was going on was wrong, but felt helpless to do the right thing because of the other kid's threats.

 

I think her guilty conscience is punishment enough, but as a parent, maybe you ought to get the school counsellor involved, especially with the other kids' involvement. And most especially for the ringleader's involvement, because she was the one who coerced others into doing something they knew was wrong.

 

tell your child that you're disappointed by what happened, but that you trust her because she tried to do the right thing. Then let her know that when she finds herself in a situation like this again, you will not get mad or hate her for coming forward to let you know ... that it's always the right thing to do to get an adult involved so that no one ends up hurt like the man with the stolen wallet did. Because when you give her that option, more often than not she's gonna seize upon it because she knows she can trust you to help her do the right thing even though she's being threatened.

 

as for the ringleader, sounds like HER mama is in big-time denial and wants to make everyone else culpable for her daughter's behavior. Don't put up with that BS, but confront the authorities about it so that restitution can be made and the guy gets his money back. Your child might be fussed at for not letting anyone know, but the lesson learned is that she now knows that she has a recourse for things like this.

 

best of luck to you – your daughter sounds like a good girl, but innocent in her understanding of things.

[Cerise]

Well today is a new day

 

I had a really good talk with my daughter after school yesterday.

 

The police have been called but I don't know what is happening with that, the mother of the 18yo wanted her son charged, so we'll see what happens.

 

I spoke with my daughter about the threats, she said that the other girl only threatened her once (not that that makes it any better imo) she said the reason she didn't tell was because she knew I would do somthing about it, she said that she knew I would call the other girls mother and she didn't want that. She said that she didn't say anything about the money because she didn't want anything to do with it.

 

Anyways we talked about different ways she could have left and come home, what all could of happened if she had of told me and she agreed that she should have, and we just talked about what happens when you find yourself in these bad situations and ways of getting out of them ect.

 

She is not allowed out of the house for the next two weeks besides school and has lost all electronics for the first week, the only reason that t.v/computer is only taken away for the first week is because she was honest with me. She also met the man that the wallet belonged to last night and apoligized to him.

[quankanne]

She also met the man that the wallet belonged to last night and apoligized to him.

 

you've got a good kid, cerise, that's for sure – she understands what her actions (or inaction, to be more precise) did, and how it hurt others. And I'm pretty sure it's a lesson she's going to keep close to her heart.

 

am glad to hear that one of the other moms is making sure her kid does the right thing as well.

 

how are you feeling in light of all this new stuff?

[Jinnah]

 

Anyways we talked about different ways she could have left and come home, what all could of happened if she had of told me and she agreed that she should have, and we just talked about what happens when you find yourself in these bad situations and ways of getting out of them ect.

 

 

 

This is GREAT, Cerise. Good job.

[dropdeadlegs]

Well done, Cerise.

 

It's so hard to anticipate every possible situation our children will come across and often the best we can do is deal with things after the fact.

 

Sounds like at least one other mother is taking this seriously, too. The ringleader and her mother will no doubt have more problems in the future, but you have taken care of things and haven't put your head in the sand.

 

You know what they say, the harder thing to do is usually the right thing.

 

So happy that today is a better day!

[love necessity]

Sounds like your area may be a little out there...If I were you, I would pick up and move if you can afford it, because if you don't, you might have bigger issues on your hands later on down the road....

 

You should try and keep your daughter away from this little girl too...She seems like trouble, and it's sad, because it's her parents fault...

 

I don't know how you guys are going to pay this man back his money, but if I were you, I would make my children raise money to pay him back.

I would have all the children that were involved get together and hold a car wash or something...It would be a great way to get the children active in the community as well..

 

Just a thought...

 

Good luck...hope things turn out ok....

[Kenyth]

It's a good time to learn that you can't hang around someone doing something wrong, and not be involved. Kids all have a way of believing this. It's how good kids with a taste for adventure get into trouble. The scary thing is that sooner or later, with all the exposure, they'll do something. If for no other reason than to just fit in. Time to learn how to pick and choose your peers. Time to learn how to walk away. Many crimes have been committed when things "escalated" in a group of peers.