April May Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 I've noticed this annoying relationship pattern I have. Every time I've been with someone for about a year, I get a crush on someone else. I know what you're not supposed to do- cheat- but what ARE you supposed to do? The first time, I was in an open, long-distance relationship, so I hooked up with the new guy. Then when I saw my boyfriend again, we ended up breaking up because we had just fallen out of touch. I then went on to have a friends with benefits thing with the new guy for, like, god, 7 years. The second time, I kept my hands off the new guy. I stayed with my boyfriend for five more not-very-happy months, and then we broke up. Months later, I ended up hooking up with the new guy. I then discovered that I didn't really like him because he was kind of a slut. The third time, I actually ASKED my boyfriend if I could hook up with the new guy, and he said YES (god knows why.) So I did. Following that, the new guy moved permanently to England (I knew he was leaving, of course,) and my boyfriend came back from Mexico (he was just there for the summer.) I'm still with my boyfriend, but I'm just not as happy as I used to be, for several reasons besides the new guy. Meanwhile, I still have a crush on the new guy, of course, even though he's overseas. So what are you all going to tell me- that I should have broken up with all three boyfriends the first second I had a hint of something wrong, instead of staying and trying to work things out? I really don't know how I was supposed to handle any of these "naughty crushes." I've tried pursuing them and not pursuing them, and I'm not even sure which was better.
MystifiedByMen Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 sounds like maybe you should not have a boyfriend at all for awhile and just date guys to figure out what you want. Dating is like trying a pair a of jeans on. Just try a bunch on till you find one that fits!
Cobra_X30 Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Do you ever have issues with depression? Maybe you are thinking that your choice in men is poor... however, have you considered that the issue comes from inside?
Author April May Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 No, I don't think it's a problem with my taste in men. My questions is: people say if you are really happy with someone, you won't be interested in other guys. I *am* really happy with my boyfriends, but then I end up being interested in other people anyway. So why, or what do you do about that? There's nothing wrong with dating, but a) if you date someone you like, it turns into a relationship anyway, and b) I'm 27, so at some point I would like to settle down, so what does this say about me?
bish Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 I've noticed this annoying relationship pattern I have. Every time I've been with someone for about a year, I get a crush on someone else. I know what you're not supposed to do- cheat- but what ARE you supposed to do? In a case where someone is clearly fickle such as yourself, you do not make a committment to someone. If you are truly like this...just date around, don't get a boyfriend, and let the other person know that you don't want any strings attached. The first time, I was in an open, long-distance relationship, so I hooked up with the new guy. Then when I saw my boyfriend again, we ended up breaking up because we had just fallen out of touch. I then went on to have a friends with benefits thing with the new guy for, like, god, 7 years. And in your case that is what you should stick with...friends with benefits where the feeling from you and the OP is mutual...at least until you grow up and can handle a long term relationship without wanting to mess around. The second time, I kept my hands off the new guy. I stayed with my boyfriend for five more not-very-happy months, and then we broke up. Months later, I ended up hooking up with the new guy. I then discovered that I didn't really like him because he was kind of a slut. Uh....hmmm....he was a slut? What happened to the "friends with benefits" thingy? The third time, I actually ASKED my boyfriend if I could hook up with the new guy, and he said YES (god knows why.) Because he could have cared less more than likely so he could go out and bone someone without guilt. So I did. Following that, the new guy moved permanently to England (I knew he was leaving, of course,) and my boyfriend came back from Mexico (he was just there for the summer.) I'm still with my boyfriend, but I'm just not as happy as I used to be, for several reasons besides the new guy. Meanwhile, I still have a crush on the new guy, of course, even though he's overseas. The reason you are not happy is because you are not fit for a long term relationship...You should stick with the "friends with benefits" idea. So what are you all going to tell me- that I should have broken up with all three boyfriends the first second I had a hint of something wrong, instead of staying and trying to work things out? No...what would be the point in telling you that? You haven't been talking about things being wrong, you have been talking about having crushes on other people...and this is why you end up unhappy with who you are with at the time, because you get bored and want to move on to the next guy. I really don't know how I was supposed to handle any of these "naughty crushes." I've tried pursuing them and not pursuing them, and I'm not even sure which was better. how you handle them is to not make a committment with anyone. don't get a boyfriend...just sleep around. as long as the people you are with have no misunderstandings and you tell them what you are about, then you shouldn't have any problems.
Author April May Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 Right... because a year is SUCH a trivial, negligible amount of time. Thanks for judging me based on no information. There is a world of difference between "sleeping around" and being in a committed relationship for a year. Also, this isn't about wanting to "fool around" with other guys, it's about having a crush on one particular guy.
Krytellan Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Why are you getting defensive? Arguing about semantics isn't going to get you anywhere. You said you see a pattern, why get weird with people who agree with you? You have not demonstrated that you cannot do long-term relationships because you "wander" from one crush to the next. Fine, own it. Either don't have boyfriends and just sleep with people that you like in an uncommitted context (and let's face it, it's easy for girls to get FWBs) or continue to do the "year-and-dump" thing until you grow out of it or find the right person. If you get "crushes" a year into relationships, you likely aren't too invested in your relationships. Some advice. Don't worry about what's acceptable to others, including people on this site. Do what YOU want to do and what you feel is right based on insight you get from people. Many people will tell you you're wrong to think or feel the way you do, but don't let it get to you.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 No, I don't think it's a problem with my taste in men. My questions is: people say if you are really happy with someone, you won't be interested in other guys. I *am* really happy with my boyfriends, but then I end up being interested in other people anyway. So why, or what do you do about that? There's nothing wrong with dating, but a) if you date someone you like, it turns into a relationship anyway, and b) I'm 27, so at some point I would like to settle down, so what does this say about me? April, In my experience, there are alot of girls who constantly shop for a better deal. Its kind of like the grass is greener syndrome for guys. You may be suffering from something similar. Also, you may want to consider your overall mental health. This behavior is very typical of someone with self esteem issues. The fact that you allowed yourself to be in a FWB situation for numerous years lends credence to this particular idea. Most women with a healthy amount of self value dont do this. There are exceptions however. When do you want to settle down? I'm 28 and I think I was ready a few years back...
Recommended Posts