dantheram Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 I recently got dumped by my girlfriend who i had been with for 5 yrs. I know for a fact that she loved me to bits and i loved her equally. I decided to go travelling for 2 months in july, i start my graduate job in november and really wanted to do it before i got tied down with work. Sadly my girlfriend couldn't join me on my trip due to work. When i left we were both upset but it was only 8 weeks and we would be back together. Whilst i was away she would email me and txt me everyday and i would reply, then all of a sudden she wouldnt txt to me so i rang her from OZ and asked her what was wrong. Someone had told her that i had been to a strip club 3/4yrs ago and she was upset, so i told her it was not true(it isnt true by the way), however she kept finding things to argue about and said we'd talk when i got back. I arrived back in england 2 weeks later and she just finished it by saying when i was away she had got stronger and wanted to be alone, she said her heart was telling her to stay with me but something was screaming at her to move on! Also she insisted that she still loves me and sent me a txt saying she would always love me! She even booked us a holiday for when i got back and brought me presents when i was away and brought them round when she finished it! (i did the same but now im stuck with the presents), i just cant understand why she suddenly thought our relationship was not worth bothering with. im finding it hard to move on when i dont understand what happened, also she has got a new phone number and seems really different to the person i knew and loved.
Hero2Zero Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Hey Dan, sorry to hear what you're going through. Since she listens to what her friends say, you should think if there is anyone that doesn't want her to be with you, they may be whispering things in her ear for their purposes.
Author dantheram Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 Hey Dan, sorry to hear what you're going through. Since she listens to what her friends say, you should think if there is anyone that doesn't want her to be with you, they may be whispering things in her ear for their purposes. this is exactly what happened, they told her i cheated on her and it was complete rubbish but she believes them to readily. They managed to upset her when i was away and she left me, its just such a shame she couldnt see what was happening!
Hero2Zero Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Are any of her friends guys? That could be it too, if they are interested in her, and found a chink in the armor. You have to figure out what's going on and who puts these ideas in her head. Just as long as you let her know the truth, you should be ok. You can't force her to see the truth, you can only offer her the truth, it's up to her to take it.
Author dantheram Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 Are any of her friends guys? That could be it too, if they are interested in her, and found a chink in the armor. You have to figure out what's going on and who puts these ideas in her head. Just as long as you let her know the truth, you should be ok. You can't force her to see the truth, you can only offer her the truth, it's up to her to take it. None of her friends are guys, one of her friends went out with my best mate an he treated her badly, therefore she (her friend) dislikes me and doesnt like me being with her. its flaming ridiculous! Ive explained this to her many times she just always assumes the worst of me and believes them.
Hero2Zero Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 You can explain your side and hope she sees it, but the last thing you want to do is argue your point. Tell her how you feel, if you love her, but do this only once. Keep minimal contact after. When you do talk, do not "work" on fixing the relationship. Have fun, relax and let her lead the conversations. It's bound to come up. It just depends on how much she values your opinion over her friend's. You're supposed to be more important, right? The worse thing you can do is beg, argue, grovel. Be the person she fell in love with and keep yourself busy.
Hero2Zero Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Another option would be to attack her support by confronting her friend and getting to the bottom of it. Let her know that you're going to talk to whichever friend this is, but do this nicely and as politely as you can. Do let this friend know what she is doing and she should stop spreading lies if she can't back them up.
Author dantheram Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 You can explain your side and hope she sees it, but the last thing you want to do is argue your point. Tell her how you feel, if you love her, but do this only once. Keep minimal contact after. When you do talk, do not "work" on fixing the relationship. Have fun, relax and let her lead the conversations. It's bound to come up. It just depends on how much she values your opinion over her friend's. You're supposed to be more important, right? The worse thing you can do is beg, argue, grovel. Be the person she fell in love with and keep yourself busy. well i cant contact her anyway so . . . if i see her around i certainly wont grovel to her. everyone says join a gym but i go to the gym everyday anyway, ive joined a new football team and im feeling ok, its just i really miss her. we used to do everything together and now i spend the nights at home bored! Another disturbing thing is that i really dont want to be with another girl at all!!
directx Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Why don't you go out and freakn celebrate! you have your freedom and just view internet porn to realize what is out there
bish Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 I recently got dumped by my girlfriend who i had been with for 5 yrs. I know for a fact that she loved me to bits and i loved her equally. I decided to go travelling for 2 months in july, i start my graduate job in november and really wanted to do it before i got tied down with work. Sadly my girlfriend couldn't join me on my trip due to work. When i left we were both upset but it was only 8 weeks and we would be back together. Whilst i was away she would email me and txt me everyday and i would reply, then all of a sudden she wouldnt txt to me so i rang her from OZ and asked her what was wrong. Someone had told her that i had been to a strip club 3/4yrs ago and she was upset, so i told her it was not true(it isnt true by the way), however she kept finding things to argue about and said we'd talk when i got back. I arrived back in england 2 weeks later and she just finished it by saying when i was away she had got stronger and wanted to be alone, she said her heart was telling her to stay with me but something was screaming at her to move on! Also she insisted that she still loves me and sent me a txt saying she would always love me! She even booked us a holiday for when i got back and brought me presents when i was away and brought them round when she finished it! (i did the same but now im stuck with the presents), i just cant understand why she suddenly thought our relationship was not worth bothering with. im finding it hard to move on when i dont understand what happened, also she has got a new phone number and seems really different to the person i knew and loved. Sounds like she was trying to pin things on you that weren't true to make her feel better about what she was probably doing...which was cheating. Let her go and move on. She aint worth it
Author dantheram Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 I think she did honestly believe what she was being told though, thats the problem. She also said that those things only triggered off her wanting to be alone and were not the cause of her finishing it. I cant understand why she has got a new phone and changed her email address though, that is really nasty, is their any reason why someone would do that?
alwayshurt Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 YES! not to be contacted. I think she's trying to move on and the cheating and all other BS she's accusing you are just excuses. Do the same...move on. I know it is hard but that is nothing you can do at the moment and trying to win her back is only going to push her further away. Be strong man. Good luck.
popey Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 yes, but if she really believed what she was told, and was really hurt by it. Being alone, AND questioning (not saying justifiably) but questioning on top of this, his leaving her for 8 weeks. I think it is possible that she went through the pain, then need to be numb of it, and so changed her contact info.
Author dantheram Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 I'm trying so hard to move on its just i keep thinking about her and how i dont want anyone else, which makes it nearly impossible! Add to this the fact i just dont understand how someone can suddenly just throw everything away because they fancy a change. I have added pain from the fact that she said she will always love me and still loves me now! its so hard to forget/move on with that spinning around your head.
design1 Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 i know its tough man! just keep your chin up. honestly you'll probably never know the real reason. but rest assured a girl that has been with you for 5 years and all of a sudden breaks it off because "misery loves company" babble with their friends (which is complete bs... if a girl has a problem with you, she should talk to you about it instead of 1 sided nonsense to people who don't know the whole story and too often offer bad advice)... she didn't really love you as much as you thought. talk is cheap. she says she'll always love you... don't tell me, show me. and what she has shown you is the complete opposite. she's severed all lines of communication. it's hard, but you need to try to let it go and move on. i feel for you!
Author dantheram Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 trying to move on is very hard. i cant understand why she just threw it all away, its like she just didnt care and it baffles me. I only went away because i thought our relationship was strong enough to stand it. I feel rejected and keeping thinking ill never find anyone else, or that im not attractive. i know its silly its just my head is so destroyed im starting to beat myself up about it. One moment i feel ok the next i feel like ****e, it doesn't help when i dream about her and wake up thinking we're still together!!
justfine Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 I'm really sorry to hear about your recent breakup. Sometimes it seems like all the good times people shared in their relationships are suddenly converted into agonizing pain when it ends. Unfortunately, this pain price is paid by the one who was dumped. You're probably going to suffer emotionally for the next three months or so. After that you'll feel better every day. More than likely, I think she cheated on you while you were away and fell for the other guy. It's painful to hear I know, but, that's the most common reason why people split up. You have no choice, but, to accept what's happened and move on. Believe me, you'll be fine in due time.
centered Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 And did you talk about marriage? If she wanted to get married, and five years had passed with no proposal, she was probably trying to find reasons that you didn't want to marry her. After 8 weeks apart, she may have heard somethings she clung to that were the closest thing that made sense, then gathered some strength to decide that whatever the reasons, you may never marry her, and she needed to move on. This is a very common thought process for women in long-term relationships that aren't moving toward marriage if that's what they truly hope for. I could be completely wrong, too. You didn't give us very much information about your relationship. Were you living together? How old is she? Did she want to start a family?
Author dantheram Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 And did you talk about marriage? If she wanted to get married, and five years had passed with no proposal, she was probably trying to find reasons that you didn't want to marry her. After 8 weeks apart, she may have heard somethings she clung to that were the closest thing that made sense, then gathered some strength to decide that whatever the reasons, you may never marry her, and she needed to move on. This is a very common thought process for women in long-term relationships that aren't moving toward marriage if that's what they truly hope for. I could be completely wrong, too. You didn't give us very much information about your relationship. Were you living together? How old is she? Did she want to start a family? We never talked about getting married. we weren't living together because we were only 22 an 21 and she didnt want family and nor did i at that age. She seemed fine when i left and even 3 weeks before i came back she was perfectly ok, thats why its hurting so much. i just wish i could stop thinking about her its driving me crazy.
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