soulseeker Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Hi. So my ex and I broke up a year ago. Things were really bad in the end and we didnt not talk at all, I mean at all, for six months. Since then, we have become friends, at least I consider us that. Over the past month or so we have been having these really great, honest conversations about what happened with us. The sexual tension had been mounting. And well, we had drunk sex this past Friday and he spent the night. It was great. Comfortable. Kind. Even in the morning after it wasnt akward. We ended up having sex again this past Sunday night, no alcohol. Again it was great. Nice. It was better than it was when we dated. I am so confused. What am I doing? I feel as though I have grown so much since we broke up and it has been a tough road. I dont even want to date him bc so many of the reasons we did not work out are inevitably still there. But now I think about him. I also think I will have feelings for him again if we keep doing this. I have never been in this situation before. I guess I justhave to stop doing this. Anyone who has been here before, what did you do? I guess I am kind of just getting it out. Not sure what I am looking for here.
spookie Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 That sounds really unhealthy, but at least you know that at this point you don't want to date him. I think you need to stop having sex and being close emotionally or you will develop feelings again. I have an off-topic question for you, though. After the 6-month break in contact, how did you get back in touch with him? Who initiated? Was it awkward getting over all the past hurts?
Author soulseeker Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 Spookie, he got in contact with me on my birthday. We hadnt really talked about why we didnt work out until this past month. Honestly, I never expected for him to own up to anything, but he did in a big way. I think I mostly got over past hurts on my own. I knew he didnt mean to hurt me, it was just a by-porduct of where he was in life. I got so strong going through this whole thing. It has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I cant honestly say I dont want to date him, but too much would have to change. I dont think that I have faith that it has or could. I dont even know what he wants. It was just strange because he treated me like his girlfriend this past weekend. And we had hung out many many times before this and nothing like this happened.
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Having sex with an ex is like putting on an old, comfortable pair of sweat pants you can't get rid of. It's far too easy to fall back into old patterns, including old non-healthy patterns of behaviour. I agree that you should stop having sex unless you want to fall for him again, regardless of what your logical mind is telling you.
LoveLace Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 If you are that sure that giving the relationship another go would fail due to remaining reasons from the past - no sense putting yourself in this position of which you know strong feelings are coming back for you. Unless there is a chance for these "inevitable" things you speak of to change, (even then it's a gamble) it's probably not a good idea to continue anything beyond friendship. But look how easily friendship alone can lead to other things...maybe this is the best time to cut ties 100% and truly go on. It also might be beneficial to have a talk with him about your thoughts, but that's all up to you.
jcster Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 I have several friends that backslid into relationships with their exes - let's just say it's not pretty. I would resist the temptation, if I were you, it's not worth it.
MystifiedByMen Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 I have many many times with my ex. We'll call him Pepper. and I think it's going to happen again very soon! 1 year later!!! Pepper and I dated for 6 years and split last summer. I moved back to my home town. He just applied for a job here and got it. Now we are in contact daily and I think there will be problems if we spend time together. Stay away from the ex and I need to take my own advise!!
Author soulseeker Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 So I guess it goes - people just dont change? I guess I felt at first like this was a way to have some good sex while not increasing my sex partner number. Now I can tell I'd get attached. Thanks for the advice ladies.
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 People can change but they can also revert to what's comfortable. Going back for seconds can easily stimulate the backslide and not only from them.
Author soulseeker Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 Going back for seconds can easily stimulate the backslide and not only from them. Good point. I have thought about that a lot over the past few days. /shudder
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