jim84564 Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Hi everyone, I was really hoping for some advice. I found out my girl friend cheated on me a month or so ago. I found out when she was logging onto his facebook account and confronted her. I saw messages they had been sending each other on facebook. It happened whilst I was away for a weekend and she had 2 friends over to go to a local festival. They all went to festival and she met up with this guy from work who she said she snogged a few times. This same guy (who lives not far) also stayed the night Saturday and Sunday (I know this for a fact -she told me), although she says she did not sleep with him ("he slept on the couch and she slept with one of her girl mates!"). I know she is not being entirely honest because the story changes every time I ask her about it. I am sure she slept with him and want her to take a lie detector test - she has agreed to do this, although it took much persuasion and and tears, she was scared she might fail it because she would be nervous. We are still together at the moment and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But i don't want to if she slept with him, its too likely to happen again. I know this will eat away at me unless I prove she is telling the truth. Am I being psycho making her take the test? I have not told anyone as I am so embarassed. What should I do? P.S I have heard they are very accurate these days ~ 98%.
norajane Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 If you need a lie detector test in order to trust your girlfriend, then I'd say just break up with her. Without trust, you can't build a relationship. You can't have her take a test every time you have questions. If she's been communicating with him behind your back, and if her story keeps changing when you ask her about that weekend, then you already know she's lying to you about some things. I guess you just want to know if she didn't have sex with him, and if she didn't, the rest of the lying isn't a problem?
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 A polygraph test can pick up on nervousness but it can also be fooled. Cheaters lie constantly, then have difficulty living the lie. It's how you bust them. I agree that if you don't trust her, get out of this relationship before it messes further with your emotional well-being.
Author jim84564 Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 Yes thats pretty much the case - all I want to know is if she had sex with him - nothing else - I dont care for detail. It just seems like such a huge gamble to stay with her when she might have done. I need to know for sure to make the decision. I cannot think of any other time when I would ever ask her to do this again. It is only because I have found out and it is such a strong possibility.
alwayshurt Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Hey man, get real!!! you're just hurting yourself more and more. And what if she had sex with him? The truth here is that you don't trust her anymore and you know what? even if you decide now to stay with her it is just like postponing the brakeup because you won't trust this girl anymore even if she goes out for groceries. All the time she's not with you you will think she is with her lover. You don't need this stress and this sufference. Nobody does!! If I may, leave her alone and take the time to reflect what you want to do. If it's there it will come back. Sorry you're going thru this...I am in your same shoe right now and the NC is the best medicine. Good luck.
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