What's This "You Deserve Better" Talk All About?

[maynard]

i have heard of this, but its the first time it was ever dropped on me

 

i was just chatting with my girlfriend this morning via text. she says how she almost called out of work today but didnt. i asked her why, if she didnt get sleep or didnt feel good

 

she said she didnt want get out of bed. then she says, "you would so leave me if i told you what i was thinking this morning baby. you deserve better."

 

so i reply, "i dont know what to say to that. what's wrong?"

 

she says, "nothing baby. have a great day"

 

then she texts again telling me to keep her posted about my sister who is sick (beside the point i know. just fyi)

 

the backstory is that she has been depressed for a while and told me a couple of months ago that many times she wakes up and doesnt want to live. her depression would seem to be the reason she would say something like that

 

its not another guy and our relationship has been going well.

 

its just that i have never had someone tell me this before and i really dont know how to take what she said. im not gonna press her about what she meant, but its a weird thing to drop on someone without an explanation, dont ya think?

 

has anyone else been told this or has someone told their partner this? why? i dont get it

[Road Rage]

It`s probably just a lame not thought out expression that someone may use at random.

 

But, on the other hand, maybe you really do deserve better:rolleyes:

 

I would not like to hear that from someone because it seems maybe a rationalization to break up and put a good spin on it:eek:

[curiousnycgirl]

If you truly believe her self doubt and depression are the drivers of this statement - I think the only answer is - "there is no one better for me!"

 

Good luck

[LucreziaBorgia]

Is she on any sort of medication? Birth control? Lots of stress in her life, paired with a poor diet and too much caffeine? You'd be surprised what can contribute to depression. Best to sort out the simple stuff first: environmental issues, and then if none of those check out then you get into the emotional stuff.

 

Could be depression. I used to say stuff like that when I was feeling very depressed. I wonder if it is that she is falling out of love with you and that is aggravating her depression - been there, too and said nearly the same thing she did. The unfortunate thing about that is that by the time you hear about it, its too late to fix and you never see it coming. You'll think that your relationship is fine, and your partner comes out of the blue talking 'breaks' and 'breakups' seemingly out of nowhere. That is a long, drawn out process. You just don't get to see it until the end stages. She may be in that inbetween stage where she is torn about leaving, and is guilty for even thinking about it, and depressed about it in general. Maybe that's it, maybe not. There's no telling really, without more information.

[jcster]

She's depressed. I've been there, and I've said that - and at the time I believed it. Just be patient with her, try and get her out to do some activities - maybe even go out of town for the weekend. She doesn't want to break up with you - she just doesn't like herself very much right now.

[Trialbyfire]

she said she didnt want get out of bed. then she says, "you would so leave me if i told you what i was thinking this morning baby. you deserve better."

 

so i reply, "i dont know what to say to that. what's wrong?"

 

she says, "nothing baby. have a great day"

 

There aren't enough clues to know what she's referring to, whether it's uncharitable thoughts about herself, you or your relationship. The only person who can answer your question is your g/f.

 

Get off the text messages and either go see her or call her, so you can get a real understanding of where she's at. It's obviously bothering you, so ask away. If she doesn't want to explain it, she shouldn't have said it in the first place. Ambiguity like that can cause issues in a relationship.

[Jilly10340]

It's the depression.....she probably has a very low sense of self-worth right now and she probably means exactly what she said "You deserve better..."

 

And to her, at this point in her life, may seem true.