jusschillin Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 I desperately searched for and came up with this site to basically vent and get some other view point or rather the billionth view point. My bf is 12 years younger than I am (am 40). I was married when I met him and foolishly destroyed my marriage to be with him. Now, I have many many regrets. I have basically carried this guy and help him to grow financially, emotionally, mentally, even physically. One month after breaking up my marriage 4 years ago, I found out he was cheating on me. Since then there have been at least four other women that I can confirm, others that I am suspicious about. He drains me financially, I make at least 5 times his salary. He is constantly taking money from my account and lying about it. We used to live together but he has moved out on many occasions and now does not want to come back home. Thing is we have 2 kids together the youngest 1 year old and I feel ashamed of what I did, and am fearful that I would not meet someone else at my age and with 2 children. I constantly dream about and miss my ex. who in hind sight is everything I should have wanted. Now he's moved on and we have not spoken in 4 years. I want to get this guy out of my life and have tried on countless occasions. He keeps coming back and I keep taking him back because I feel like I can't leave without him. I throw him out and miss him when he's gone. I don't blame him though. I realize that he's just not ready for the commitment I want out of him. How do I walk away and pick up the pieces and not look back. I have prayed about it, have read about it, have gotten advice from family (who all think I should get rid of him). I just can't. Please help! The writing is on the wall.
LakesideDream Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Well as they say.. what comes around goes around. Now you want out of this marriage cause he's "using" you. Might be a good idea to call your ex, and find out which of your techniques was most effective on him. You are right about one thing though, most 40 plus guys are not interested in a 40 year old woman with two young children. Your choices seem limited to being unhappy, and being divorced. Hey, it's a womans world. Call a lawyer and start your no fault.
Woggle Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 See ladies the grass is not usually greener on the other side. I hate to be cruel but Karma does exist and it just came back to you in a big way.
Author jusschillin Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 One correction though, I am not married to this other guy. But you guys are right I am being used. Thing is, that he is just about the nicest persons you've ever met and if I close my eyes about the infidelity and the financial issues he is great. He's really good with the kids and does most of the cooking. He's around most of the time and when we are home together we are the couple to envy. However, we hardly ever go out to socialize, except if you call grocery shopping, taking the kids to the doctor or taking the kids to the beach socializing. His female friends see me as "the bitch" in his life and even before I meet them, have formed their own opinions of me, I guess from what he's said to them. Of late he says although he cannot promise that he won't ever cheat again, he will try very hard not too. Guy I already know I'm a fool, I just want to get out and not go back like I usually do.
Author jusschillin Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 Guys, I get the feeling that since my situation is different to most, where I cheated first (though it was the most devastating mistake of my life) you refrain from giving me the support I was looking for now that my current bf is constantly cheating. I love this site though I only found it a few days ago and have recieved some strength from it. As a result of my experience, I want to say to anyone who reads this message who is thinking of cheating or is currently cheating, that this is one of the biggest mistakes you will ever make. I cheated on my husband although not justifiable, at a time when we were living in two different countries and saw each other at least once every two months. This guy was there and provided friendship and before I had control over it, it went too far. I was honest with my husband and told him about my infidelity and he walked away and never looked back. As a result, I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me. At the time, I could not appreciate what I had, but do now. So please think really hard about what you are doing and the consequences of your actions before it is too late to turn back the clock.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Dont look at his positives and be blinded by it, the faults you listed about him are glaring. And if I was your ex I would never speak to you again as well. That is alot of pain to stomache and alot of men do not remain friends with their exe's depending on how it's ended. To divorce him for another man over your affair must have been heartbreaking. But I dont want to rattle your guilt, I dont want to tease you about being with a cheater or saying you deserve it. I'm asking you how do you intend on rectifying the situation with this man? You had an affair with him and had kids with him? In hindsight,what was you thinking? All this pain your going through now and your waking up from the fog? 4 years later? Have you apologized to your ex husband, that might alleviate the guilt? Did you and your ex have kids?
Recommended Posts