themagicnumber Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Hi. I'm just after a little bit of advice... It's only been a few months since I've started seeing my boyfriend, but already I know I have strong feelings for him. As far as I know this shouldn't be a problem, but it's kind of starting to be. This guy is constantly on my mind, to the point that it almost hurts. In his presence I feel fine, relaxed and have loads of fun, but as soon as I'm alone and for the few days I don't see him I'm on edge, anxious, distracted, can't sleep, waiting to hear from him. Basically, I've got it bad and I don't know what to do with myself. One major insecurity is the fact that this is my first ever relationship. Sure, I've had the odd occasion but it's never really come to anything. I don't know 'the rules.' I just don't know how I'm supposed to deal with my feelings, his feelings, everybody else's feelings. This guy is pretty commitment phobic. He seems to have a hard time dealing with his feelings which causes him a lot of anxiety. This puts me on edge because I don't want to be the cause of any stress and makes it hard to show and tell him how I feel. Another problem is that he's soooo hard to read. I just don't know where I stand. I know that I like him and he likes me, but so far it feels like I like him a lot more than he likes me. I also have a problem with one of his friends. From the start he told me that he and his mate had done stuff in the past, but only in a 'friends who have sex' way. At first I was cool with this, but they're always falling out and he's always running him down then they're back to being friends. All this makes me feel there was something more than 'friends who have sex' going on. I've tried to open him up about this with little success. I hate to say it, but it bothers me that they spend time together. I find it so hard to talk about how I feel and I think this is another problem. I don't know how to express myself because I find it so hard to understand what my problems are.
sveltskye Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I am in a very similar situation as you. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months (5, I think) and I feel very very strongly about him. It is my first relationship, and his as well, but he has had hook ups before and a "friends with benefits" relationship. Sometimes he's not very good at expressing the way he feels about me, but I know that he loves me a lot because (1) He says it often and (2) He's very affectionate physically. But for a few months in I felt very strangly because I was feeling like I was falling in love with him but neither of us had said I love you to the other. I think the best way to suss out his feelings are either to tell him that you love him- if this is honest- and see what he says back, or simply ask him "Do you love me?" The first way may be less pressure on him, and you can probably tell from his reaction. You should also be looking back on the way he treats you to see for yourself how serious you think it is for him- does he treat you affectionatly? Does he look out for you, and support you when you feel bad, when you've had a bad day? I think a very important thing for you to do is to sort out your own feelings, exactly what bothers you and what you need to know from him. Think about how you're going to phrase what you say to him and ask of him carefully (don't be accusatory) and then have a very honest talk. I think you especially need to broach the subject of his friend, and how his dealings with this friend make you feel. If he doesn't respond in a way that will assuage your fears about it, or if he seems less committed to this relationship than you are, then you should seriously think about what you can deal with and what you want out of your first love. Hope this helped!
Recommended Posts