americangod Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 she broke up with me yesterday because she said she did'nt have feelings for me anymore. that night she called me crying saying shes been crying all day and doesnt know if shes happy or not. she asked if i just wanted to take a break, i said no (i really want her back though, i still love her). she then said we just werent compatible and we fought all the time. the next day, today, she sends me a text that says "I havent stopped crying for two days. i think i ****ed up. i cant bring myself to even get dessed. call me later please." my friends and family tell me not to see or talk to her for at least three weeks. is this wise advise or should i call her back tonight like she asked me. i know if i call her tonight and talk with her i can get back together. but i dont think thats good for the long run. the only reason why i want to wait a few weeks to talk is because i want to heal a little, and i want her to miss me some, and pursue me. or will it work against me and will she just move on? help me
norajane Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Don't play games. Call her back, but tell her you aren't a yo-yo for her to toy with - she needs to give some thought to what she really wants and why before you would consider getting back together with her. Ask her about the things she said when she broke up with you - about the incompatibility and whatever the issues were that you always fought about. Consider whether those issues can be resolved and how. Because if you go back to her now, or 3 weeks from now, you're going to break up again if the fighting continues.
ls707 Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 she broke up with me yesterday because she said she did'nt have feelings for me anymore. that night she called me crying saying shes been crying all day and doesnt know if shes happy or not. she asked if i just wanted to take a break, i said no (i really want her back though, i still love her). she then said we just werent compatible and we fought all the time. the next day, today, she sends me a text that says "I havent stopped crying for two days. i think i ****ed up. i cant bring myself to even get dessed. call me later please." my friends and family tell me not to see or talk to her for at least three weeks. is this wise advise or should i call her back tonight like she asked me. i know if i call her tonight and talk with her i can get back together. but i dont think thats good for the long run. the only reason why i want to wait a few weeks to talk is because i want to heal a little, and i want her to miss me some, and pursue me. or will it work against me and will she just move on? help me give her a chance. But make it clear to her your not some door mat that she can walk all over or throw out when shes confused and pull back in when she misses u. If she breaks up with you again; Just leave her for good.
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Sometimes it takes a loss before people appreciate someone that they've taken for granted who will always be there for them. I agree with both of the above posters, although I wouldn't let her back right away. Give her a couple of days to sweat it out. She needs time to realize her loss.
Author americangod Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 from 7pm to 9pm shes called me three times and sent me ten texts saying "please call me", "i feel like there is a peice of me missing", "i know ive used and abused you. i dont mean too. i didnt realize how much i DO love you a lot. im not ready for this to be over. i need you. please call me.", and "i know your getting these, why wont you call me?". then her friend calls a couple of times and i answer but its her, my ex, and she asks why i havent been answering her and i said "i just dont want to talk to you for a little while", she said "ok, whatever" in a bitchy kind of way and said bye and hung up. shes saying she loves me and wants me back, i want to be with her again more than anything, i just need a few days to recooperate, or a few weeks. do you think my window of oppertunity will close in the next week if i do the no contact thing?
frd150 Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Are these games really getting you anywhere? You need to meet up and talk about this. If its time you want explain that to her. Maybe set a time table. If she really means it she will understand. She needs to understand what she did and that you are not one to be toyed with. Be straight with her, do not avoid her. shes obviously full of regret. Do not make ths about teaching her a lesson but rather you gettting your head on straight and her doing the same. A breather.
norajane Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 from 7pm to 9pm shes called me three times and sent me ten texts saying "please call me", "i feel like there is a peice of me missing", "i know ive used and abused you. i dont mean too. i didnt realize how much i DO love you a lot. im not ready for this to be over. So, you go back to her, and then when she's ready for it to be over, she dumps you again? i need you. please call me.", and "i know your getting these, why wont you call me?". then her friend calls a couple of times and i answer but its her, my ex, and she asks why i havent been answering her and i said "i just dont want to talk to you for a little while", she said "ok, whatever" in a bitchy kind of way and said bye and hung up. She sounds very immature...so many calls, so many texts, and then she uses her friend's phone to call to find out why you're not answering. And then gets all huffy when you tell her you're not ready to talk her. How old are you two? shes saying she loves me and wants me back, i want to be with her again more than anything, i just need a few days to recooperate, or a few weeks. do you think my window of oppertunity will close in the next week if i do the no contact thing? Well, it sounds like, in her mind, it's all about her and what she wants. Something tells me that, yes, if you don't talk to her for a few weeks, she'll be too mad to take you back. If she truly loved you - and it wasn't all about her and what she wanted - she'd understand you need some time. However, you need to talk to her and tell her what you're thinking - that you didn't like how she treated you, and that you two need to resolve the reasons that caused the break-up. If not, like I said before, whether you go back to her now or in a few weeks, you're going to break up again because you've not really discussed WHY she broke up with you and WHY you were always fighting and HOW you will resolve those issues that caused you to fight. You're worried about playing games to get her back, when you need to consider whether it's even worth getting back together at all.
ftheunion Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Don't leave her hanging. Call her and calmly tell her, that you don't want to keep her in a tug of war by seeing her more. She can choose what she likes, and if you argue a lot, tell her that's why she deserves someone who will make her happy and not cause her anger. That is a great excuse to distance yourself, just make it seem like you cause it when you're around, so you don't wanna continue to hurt her in that way. Then she can figure out the rest on her own. Even if you see her in person still, stay reserved and don't reach out too much for her, just help her function and stop crying. It's evolutionary type junk, so don't let her suffer if you can do this as explained above.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 It sounds like she's playing with your feelings. Personally, I wouldn't trust her again. Is this really worth the hassle?
Spinderella Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 So, you go back to her, and then when she's ready for it to be over, she dumps you again? She sounds very immature...so many calls, so many texts, and then she uses her friend's phone to call to find out why you're not answering. And then gets all huffy when you tell her you're not ready to talk her. How old are you two? Well, it sounds like, in her mind, it's all about her and what she wants. Something tells me that, yes, if you don't talk to her for a few weeks, she'll be too mad to take you back. If she truly loved you - and it wasn't all about her and what she wanted - she'd understand you need some time. However, you need to talk to her and tell her what you're thinking - that you didn't like how she treated you, and that you two need to resolve the reasons that caused the break-up. If not, like I said before, whether you go back to her now or in a few weeks, you're going to break up again because you've not really discussed WHY she broke up with you and WHY you were always fighting and HOW you will resolve those issues that caused you to fight. You're worried about playing games to get her back, when you need to consider whether it's even worth getting back together at all. i think this is a bit harsh. she may have realised she made a big mistake and needed to tell him that. being ignored can really drive you crazy if you want to make an apology. her reacting huffily may have been because she didnt know how to respond to that and panicked. it is immature i suppose, but so is his response, however, i think most people become temporarily a little immature at the end of a relationship. so long as they get themselves together again, its forgivable. to the op, you are getting good advice. it sounds as though you think that by not speaking to her for a few weeks, you will ensure that she realises all her mistakes with you and starts to treat you like you want to be treated. i dont think this will happen without you discussing this with her. it may not happen at all, so you really need to have a good long talk with her about what these issues are, and whether they seriously can be resolved. if you dont then yes, you probably will end up back together, but only for the same thing to keep happening. or worse you will both resort to endless games, and drag in other people to cause reactions and all kinds of other ridiculous things that just prolong a bad situation. maybe she is not good for you and vice versa, but you wont change whats wrong by playing a few games. games can work - temporarily. the core of the relationship itself has to be ok for those changes to last. the core can be worked on, but only if you find a workable formula TOGETHER, and resolve those issues personally that you both agree need to be sorted in order for things to work out. if you continue wanting to play games after all of the advice you have in your thread, i would suggest that perhaps you are not all that serious about the relationship yourself, and this is just an ego issue. in which case, you should not be together anyway, and maybe this is why she ended it.
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