sungrl Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 My b/f and i were planning on going away for a long weekend. I usually do not see him on wednesdays but since we were leaving thursday morning I saw him straight from work so we can leave in the morning. I get in his car..and i see a plastic bag in the back..we arrive at his house and he was busy doing some things and i see a magazine in his bag which i have seen before so i just took it out and started looking at it but i also see a shirt again..and this is a shirt i know he wears going out and one i have seen him wear when we go out. Of course I see this is as weird just as i did previously. I let it go for the sake of the weekend. During the weekend I casually put on the shirt in the room as if i was cold in order to try to bring it up nicely(im trying to be careful to not make him mad)..i said at first do you wear this shirt for work? HE ANSWERS NO, it would get ruined. I said i havent seen you wear this since we have been out and he says there is no reason to unless we were. I then say a few minutes later oh did you have to wash this before we went away, he said no i think i found this in my closet..i then bring up..you brought this to work with you last week and he said he doesnt think so..i said it again a few minutes later and he said you keep saying that, it must be true. He then said it might have been the white and blue one, i dont care if that gets dirty...BUT I KNOW IT WASN'T...and in 2 and a half years i have never seen him wear a t-shirt and then another shirt over it unbuttoned to work. He usually just wear a t-shirt or shirt with jeans. I let it go after that because i didnt know what else i can say without being completely accusational. BUT i really need advice because i truly dont know what to think but doesnt this see somewhat odd/suspicious to anyone else? He didnt even have a story prepared which may be good or bad...like if he met up with some girl..wouldnt he know to say oh i brought the wrong shirt with me that day, thats why it was there..he basically just said no i think i found this in my closet and then told me it might have been the white and blue one i saw and i dont care if that one gets dirty..but never have i seen him after work with a t-shirt and shirt over with(unbottoned collar type) in order for him to do the work he does. I just dont know what to think. I dont want to believe something is going on. I truly dont. Write back. -Thank You.
lostboy60645 Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 As a serial cheater and compulsive liar, I have something to add. And no, I'm not lying or cheating when I tell you this. I've been in recovery for my problems for 18 months and my divorce will likely be finalized in the next week--naturally as a result of my lying and cheating. Anyways... Your gut is smart. Sometimes smarter than your 'thinking brain'. It never ceases to amaze me how many times my wife should have figured out that I was cheating, but she never put '2 and 2 together to make 4'. If you suspect that he's done something 'funny' with this shirt, then you may want to investigate a few other areas that would easily divulge some 'extracurricular activity'. Ways that I could have been caught earlier: She could have check my cell phone records, easily accessible, and seen that I was lying about whom I was talking to, where I was, and when. She could have looked at my ATM records and cash expenditures. I often took out several hundred dollars before going to 'act out' sexually. She could have looked at my shower use and cologne use. I tended to shower after sexually acting out, and I'd use more cologne on the days that I acted out sexually with other people. She could have followed me. How many times do you notice the car traveling a hundred yards behind you on the road? If you followed him during a time you were suspicious, he'd probably never even notice you driving behind him. I hope that helps. It doesn't take much to confirm suspicions like this. The harder part is to know how to handle your recovery if you discover he's cheating. Good luck.
Bobby NoBrains Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Maybe as simple as he picked the wrong shirt and forgot about it ? Cause it seems like he hadn't worn it and it was simply packed in the bag when you saw it (or so it seems from your post). If there's no other signs, don't read too much into it, imho. Just my two bits .. Bobby
Author sungrl Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 lostboy, well i cant really follow him seeing as though i dont drive..and at night i call him and he answers..its during the day i would assume this might be happening to which i cant follow him b/c he doesnt work in an office, he doesnt have that type of job and we live about 40 minutes apart. i can check his cell phone but i donot have access to his bills. would there be other signs going on? maybe he is really good at hiding it...
JustBreathe Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 You asked for more signs of cheating. I am familiar with all of them, probably. Here goes: Is he working out or exercising, more body conscious? More careful about his appearance? Has he been buying alot of new underwear? That's what my H did. All of a sudden the holey ones were getting thrown out. Has he started going out alone more often or with his friends and not inviting you along? Has his mood changed - has he become more distant and moody; get's angry easier? Does he make more put-down comments to you? Has sex with him become less frequent or more frequent or more or less passionate (in other words, has it changed)? Does he spend inordinate amounts of time on his computer? My H actually signed up with one of those internet games where you play against other people on the internet... his other woman was one of the people he "played" with. He was always on the computer.
rockerdude Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 He KNOWS why the shirt is there deary...you can bet on it. He is being aloof and sounds like he is changing his answers just a bit...and why is THAT? 1.) When he does change or is unsure of his answers? It is because he is lying and hasn't pre-thought a good answer. He thought it would go unnoticed and he is confident "your" too stupid to figure out his vagueness. 2.) He being aloof shows...he does know why you are asking, but he really doesn't care AND he is trying to be short and quick to avoid having to make up a story that you could/would/will be able to see through. I've thought about this for awhile now, this shirt thing....come on, it is HIS shirt, he KNOWS ..WHY he has it with him. If nothing is going on, for all you naysayers out there,...then he should talk to you about it in any detail until you are convinced he is being truthful. He'd be better to pour some sugar on the lie and offer it to you sweet, with the poison than to do this. Liars give themselves away with what they "don't do"- normal. Your questions come from your doubt...he knows this, anyone would. Yet he remains calm and acts like he doesn't recognize "why" you are asking...believe me he does, and he is just trying to see if a short answer will pacify you. Sorry. Let that set in for a minute...it is not weither or not they are guilty as much as ,"why" are they not responding normally? Hope this helps.
LakesideDream Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 The "shirt" thing again, it's so.... two months ago. The day hasn't arrived when I will explain why "one" of my shirts is in my car. Not to a wife, or GF, or SO, or police officer, or clergy, or even to the Lord Jesus Christ himself. It's a shirt! It's not a harbinger of evil doing. Get a grip on yourself sungrl, or you will never be comfortable with life, let alone happy.
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