whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 My train of thought is this. IS there any chance the OM will tell your husband you had an abortion?
Author upto_here Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Give him time, if he's making progress getting past it. Give him time to get on the right path. The baby thing and abortion is very painful. Trust me that isnt easy thing to swallow for any man. Especially one that loves you truly. THank you cb for the advice..yes ,so do i ,i had a lot to make up to him after what i put him tru,and yes i have to give him time ,8 weeks is still early yet...,i saw some improvement already the best point is i had to put all 110% to it,whatever it is ..if i think more ..i think i will go insane ..and if one day when i look at it and i consider it does not work then we have to sit down again and consider the consequenses ...it isn't easy for any party i suppose...especially me... after the abortion it had been painful..after that i had infection and had to go tru the procedure again which is the worse experience i had ,i have to dragged my self to go to the clinic and have it done again..after that i went home and cried my way out ,i was in so much pain....i have been bleeding for so long ,my H might have notice it as i never had the period that long ,he is not stupid but i can not lie to him anymore like he said ...and yes he is my supportive......but sometime he just bring up about the A and the abortion...which is even more painful ..but i see his point ...i put myself in his shoes...
Author upto_here Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 If what she says is true and he is controlling...well then f#cking some other guy sure as hell wasn't a very smart way to deal with it. If she thought he was controlling then, what do you think he will do now? But then again, if he really was the controlling creep that she later on in this thread made him out to be...why would she really care to reconcile with him? Why instead of cheat, just get a divorce? No i did not say its the smart way to have an A ...i am not a serial cheater...i never look for the A ...like some other..if i am why do i have to come here to LS and pure my heart out to you guys...? Like i said he is not a bad bad person .,,,the point is i don't understand why take it out on sex..as he don't have to prove to anyone! and i did read some of the posts here that why hi might be like that and i'm studying it... i did not make him out to be ...i just explain how his behavior towards me.. its not easy when you M and divorced getting M is easy but once it came down to seperate its not easy ..as theirs children involve.
Author upto_here Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 My train of thought is this. IS there any chance the OM will tell your husband you had an abortion? No ,,thats impossible...the om is so coward...he can't even face my H ...he made it out like i'm the only guilty .party here...as i wanted all the support from him which he gave me but i don't think he truly understand or feel the pain as he used to tell me that he did not feel so much pain like me...thats why he just disappear..all of the sudden that after 4 weeks of the abortion i can cope..some people may be relieved after the abortion but some takes time to heal...and myself i know it will take time...because the experience is unbearable...the om wont feel me...because he did not live with me...he did not see all the blood pouring down my trouser...but my H did ..and he is so angry at me and the om that the om still there deny everything he done and try to put all the false to me...the end of the day i'm just the woman ,the woman always in the wrong if you had the A..AND HAD THE baby..the community always punish you..one way or another..and the MM can walk as normal everywhere he go...i don't want to hold a grudge over anyone here now because i want to move on with my life theres so much more out there to see and do...
Meaplus3 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 its been 8 weeks since the A ended and nc with exom and had told my H about the A...i don't expect it to be a bed of roses...because i do admit my mistake and willing to put the effort on the M ..i knew he will have the mix feeling and i did talk to him and be open and honest with him as much as i can...i don't know if its was me who's really selfish here or not understanding his feeling and emotion ...i say thats the m is better but at some point i feel like its waiting for the burst...when i did something wrong or even there is a song or movies that associated with the A he is so unreasonable and to be honest i don't know how to handle it...and so on before our bedroom story is never good but now he is wanted it everyday and everywhere... sometime i thought i don't know if i can take it...i did talk to him he seem to listen but in the end he get angry with me and bring up all the A again...please help me what should i do? i really want our M to work... Hi uptohere. I commend you for confessing! It will be a year in Nov since I told my H about my ea with mm neighbor. The first few week's were a nightmare. Then it got beter for about a month. Now it's been up and down. My H has had ander issues all along and learning of the ea only flared them more which is to be exepected. So I don't think there is a real time frame for when all is well again. I think it takes time and it's up to the couple to either work through it or move on. Best wishes. Hang in there. AP:)
bish Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Have you failed to notice the fact that she has nobody to turn to? She doesnt just feel trapped... she is trapped. I have no doubt that if you met this guy IRL... you'd probably punch him out Bish! Nah...even though I am trained, I don't just punch anyone out. they have to make the first move.
bish Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Have you failed to notice the fact that she has nobody to turn to? She doesnt just feel trapped... she is trapped. Uh...ok...so she cheats on him? She needs to get a job...get out, find her own place to live and get out at whatever cost then. The fact she hasn't got anyone to turn to is the only aspect I feel for her on this situation. But that still is no excuse for what she did.
bish Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 No i did not say its the smart way to have an A ...i am not a serial cheater...i never look for the A ...like some other..if i am why do i have to come here to LS and pure my heart out to you guys...? Like i said he is not a bad bad person .,,,the point is i don't understand why take it out on sex..as he don't have to prove to anyone! Well you messed that up by f#cking someone else. He now feels inadequate because you did it with another guy. If you act like you don't want him then he will feel like you'd rather be getting boned from some other guy. Remember...you put this into his head by cheating. He is hurt, angry, frustrated and its totally understandable. and if you are not willing to put up with his anger for a good while after what you did...then you just need to get a divorce...plain and simple. My wife wasn't willing to suffer some consequences of what she did and acted like I should just get over it and she get off scott free....so out the door I sent her. Is your husband just wanting to have sex alot...or is it abusive sex?
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Uh...ok...so she cheats on him? She needs to get a job...get out, find her own place to live and get out at whatever cost then. The fact she hasn't got anyone to turn to is the only aspect I feel for her on this situation. But that still is no excuse for what she did. Easier said than done. Especially with no support stucture and kids. Realize that there is a difference between an excuse and a reason. If I slip on a bannana peel and fall down... the bannana peel is not an excuse for my fall! I should have been watching where I stepped... my fault, but if there were no bannana peel... no fall would have occured. Do you see the difference? One accepts responsibility, and understands contributing factors!
Darth Vader Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Slipping on a banana peel is an accident, not oops I slipped and fell and had sex with someone else. Sex is no accident from any viewpoint, either people have sex, or they don't, there's no gray area there. It's not like people can say we only had sex a little..... or a little sex........ Sex is Sex.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Slipping on a banana peel is an accident, not oops I slipped and fell and had sex with someone else. Sex is no accident from any viewpoint, either people have sex, or they don't, there's no gray area there. It's not like people can say we only had sex a little..... or a little sex........ Sex is Sex. Hmmm... It's an analogy its not supposed to be perfect... its supposed to let you see the situation from a different angle. Look harder!
MrsHellnoFire Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 i can understand why he's getting upset yes...!!! but what i don;'t understand that he wanted it all the time ....i did not wanted to go in to detail much or telling you that i am an innocent party...i admit it i am wrong..to have an A ...not because the exmm doesn't take me ..me and him never said we will be together ...and i know one day it will end ...and it is..yes i am still sufferring from that who would't ? and i did not take it out on my H or in the M ...believe me i really want our M to work....i think hard now...i realise what i done ..if its just the A it may go away easlily but its not just that is it? but no i won't bring that subject on again...i am making every effort god knows ...i gave up my job to be with him ,i moved miles away to have fresh start with my family...i did things i never done in the entire M.... you may say its not enough after i put him tru ..i know COBRA....and i don't blame you if you guys start to have a go of me of how i been a b*tch........ every things i can take but the sexual side that i find it hard ,,,its before the A began but i try to put it aside cause its theW duty...can you tell me if its were you ..you just serving your kids dinner and then the H came to you and said to you go for a quick one for 5 minute? or he get angry when idid not response?and when the kids disturbed he get angry? i did talk to him...but he said don't denial him s*x and everything will be find...apart from that he's a good man...my M is not 100% perfect yes...but i wanted to have another try...please don't just take it out on me... Let me get this straight. You don't like your husband's sexual advances towards you, yet you have sex with another man????
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