alexa137 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 this weekend was the first time that my ex has not tried to contact me by either texting, instant messaging or calling and i am so devastated that i'm going crazy! he was here thurs night knocking on door and throwing rocks at my window he wanted to talk and i did too but scared to ask the question about getting more from him than sex--but we ended up having sex he left and then i called him fri asking him to go somewhere together and he said he couldnt do that anymore! i hung up crying he did try to call back but i didnt answer but since then all weekend nothing! he didnt sign online, no calls no texting-of course i dont want it to be the end but i feel that way and i am so scared! they say the no contact thing will make them wonder etc..it worked last time a few weeks ago he was trying to hunt me down but this time nothing! help!
angie16 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Move on Alexa. He's giving you an obvious sign that he doesn't want to see you. Yes it hurts. but in the long run for your own santiy DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Make a list of things you wanted to do but didtn' when you were with him and do them. Get a haricut, buy a new pair of shoes, call friends you haven't seen in awhile. But DO NOT contact him. Its going to hurt but you will fell 100 times better soon. I promise.
AriaIncognito Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Ok, how many times are you going to ask us the same question until you actually listen to the answers? You are NOT going to heal by having sex with him. He is NOT going to magically change his mind just because he's having sex. If anything he IS going to lose respect for you because he knows you're willing to be a doormat. I don't mean this to be harsh, but the answers are very clear here and you've been ignoring them for the fairytale. The fairytale doesn't exist here. Move on. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Remember that.
Nanachu Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Ariawoman, you are absolutely right.... That's exactly many many many wise people here are feeling..... Alexa, I am going to write what you probably don't want to hear, so it is up to you whether or not you read below.... We provide our advice to each other here, a sincere advice. Since we all went through a similar experience (being dumped), we can relate. Now, it is up to you to take the advice, and it is up to us to continue giving the advice. You once a while complained that nobody has replied to your posts, but did you realize many people stop giving you their advice since you never listen? You have been going through a cycle asking the same question over and over and ignore the advice, do exactly what you want to do, be happy for a while (a very short term) getting what you wanted, and come back here asking the same question. I have been reading some of your posts, it seems that you guys are getting worse and worse, more argument, more sex in FWB with no respect/commitment, more break-up, etc.. We all understand how much you are tied up to the guy and it is hard to forget about someone who you developed a strong feeling for. But, it is a time for you to move on. Please stop and look back last 1 year and half, have you been really happy? As Ariawoman said, he does not magically change, but you can change yourself. Do you think you really changed? There are tons of posts here for self-improvement. I am not perfect either, but reading your posts, you have not changed yourself either as much as he has not. Although he is not helping, each time you find something you do not like from him, you guys fight, fight, fight... Being defensive, listening defensively, talking aggressively to attack the other party, abuse each other mentally and physically (I mean sex). Your several trials for NC is NOT a NC at all, not even a NC, which some people try to get an ex back... Those at least had a closure, trying to focus on themselves at the same time they hope their ex will come back... Yours is simply a short term silent treatment to purnish him. You fight and ignore his contacts since you want him to know you are upset and you want him to worry. And, he stops contacting understanding your routine of silent treatment, and you start to worry, contact him.... To get the right person, you need to be the right person.
Saxis Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Make a list of things you wanted to do but didtn' when you were with him and do them. Get a haricut, buy a new pair of shoes, call friends you haven't seen in awhile. But DO NOT contact him. This is all the advice you need. It works! I've got myself involved in all the stuff I said I wanted to do, but couldn't, because she was wasting all my money and time. I HAVE to talk to my STBXW; we have a daughter together. She's the one that wanted to leave, and the first time she contacted me to play mind games, I firmly let her know that I wouldn't have that BS, and I wouldn't talk to her at all if it wasn't for our daughter. Things have been great since. Yes, I still think about her alot and I miss her company, but our relationship was damaging to both of us. You WILL get through this, but you have to let yourself. When you stop letting him walk all over you, things will get easier. Get involved in YOUR life, because he isn't part of it. DON'T LET HIM do this to you anymore.
Author alexa137 Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 believe me I AM trying really-i have not had any contact since friday--but i am still devastated-ive never had this kind of relationship with someone before-someone who told me they loved me everyday, someone that lived with me, took me places, bought me 2 diamond rings-ive been through alot with guys in the past, like not really having a boyfriend so i was single 7 years before i meet him! he came looking and asking around about me! i just dont see how someone who loves you can just forget about u? i wish to know what he is thinking etc.. i am going to counseling again fri and started another depression medicine yesterday-bcause my life is so boring now-all i want to do is sleep and cry i work two jobs so that takes up sometime during the day but my evenings are the worst-everything reminds me of him! my friend works alot and has kids so i dont see her much and my other friend lives out of town-so hanging out is very minimal-my family is in another country far away and i am an only child-i dont have any extra money to do anything either! so all this is hard for me! extremely! you have to understand that me not trying to contact him for 5 days is a very big accomplishment for me--i guess reading alot of books and ebooks about relationships because i was and usually do all the wrong things-like acting depressed begging etc... but this NC thing is traumatic-especially when you are used to it everyday but i guess since i finally got the nerve to ask him the big question i have been wondering for weeks "can you seriously tell me if you are ever gonna do OTHER things with me besides sex again?, because if not i cant keep doing this booty call thing 1-2 times a week" his responses were whatever, ok, i dont know, and then "NO!" i hung up and cried-i knew i didnt want to hear that answer! he tried calling back(dont know why and what for) i didnt answer and thats the last time we had contact of course now i am just wondering i know i am a mental case but i really thought we were gonna be together for along time-i could actually say i could be with just him the rest of my life-no one right now looks attractive to me and i am scared to date because of all the crazy things out there(diseases, murderers, robbers,etc you never know!) well i could go on and on since i really dont have no one to talk to about this-but i will shut up now!
Nanachu Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Good for you, Alexa. You do not need to shut up. Take your time as much as you want. Crying is fine. I had met many guys who I thought "nobody has done this!" But, the next one will come. Trust me. I am older than you. I found the new person. As I posted in second chance section, I met a wonderful person. The first time it did not work out since I was not ready to be with anyone. I screwed up. I made tons of mistakes. I jsut broke up with the guy I lived together and engaged. I did not miss the guy since our relationship was over long time ago, but I missed being in a stable secure relationship. When I stated date my BF last year, I expected to fill in the role quickly. He left me. Then, I did NC and really thought about my issues in relationship in general. I worked on it. He also really thought about his own issue. When we met, we discussed about all of issues. We decided to try again. It has been 4.5 month, so I cannot say we came to eternal success, but our relationship is in a compeletely different space from the last time. We truly care and trust. We communicate well. No argument. We have disagreement or something can bother us. But, we communicate to make each other happy, to find win-win situation. No attacking, no defensiveness. This is something that I could not do well with any of my ex. We may end with some reason, but I am confident that I can find somebody else (not that I am looking for). I can do better each time. I am happy, happy with myself and happy with us. Trust me. It will come to you. Good luck.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I think it's best that he hasn't contacted you. If he did, it would set you back to day 1 all over again. I wish you strength in continuing this journey.
Recommended Posts