lostmuse001 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 What to do in this sort of a situation? I have been dating a man younger than me (by 5 years) for about three months now. Things started off great- we have such a mental connection and the sex was fantastic. Now I am apparently dating a sports addict who no longer has time for me. Every day or night there is a game or a gathering at the bar that he has to go to. I feel like I am dating a large selfish child. I have already mentioned my concern about drifting apart lately and he said he hadn't noticed it. Do I try a different approach to reach him? or is it obvious that it is a waste of time?
love necessity Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 What to do in this sort of a situation? I have been dating a man younger than me (by 5 years) for about three months now. Things started off great- we have such a mental connection and the sex was fantastic. Now I am apparently dating a sports addict who no longer has time for me. Every day or night there is a game or a gathering at the bar that he has to go to. I feel like I am dating a large selfish child. I have already mentioned my concern about drifting apart lately and he said he hadn't noticed it. Do I try a different approach to reach him? or is it obvious that it is a waste of time? I don't think that 5 years is that great of an age difference... He has probably been watching games w/ the boys for years, and I don't think you should feel intimidated by him hanging out w/ the boys... Instead of feeling lonely and left out, why don't you get into going out w/ the girls on those days... Everyone needs space from a relationship, and if you keep demanding every minute of his time, you both will eventually drift apart. I think you should approach the situation in a different way...If you would enjoy going to the bar w/ him to watch games, ask him if you can tag alone. I don't know how his reaction will be though, because he is chilling w/ the boys and it is like his time away from the relationship.... If I were in your shoes..I wouldn't give it a second thought, I would probably love that he doesn't want to be up my butt all day long....Take the time away to relax or to go out and have fun on your own...
love necessity Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Also, if you are constantly ranting and raving about hanging out at the bar w/ his friends, he will probably get scared and walk away...No one likes a controlling relationship, and not to sound mean, but that's probably how you're are coming across to him.... How old are you? Have you had relationship issues in the past because of this same situation? If I were you, I would take a huge step back to see why your previous relationships didn't work...I'm not saying that this is the case, but maybe you are not being flexible enough?
Cad Rake Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Also, if you are constantly ranting and raving about hanging out at the bar w/ his friends, he will probably get scared and walk away...No one likes a controlling relationship, and not to sound mean, but that's probably how you're are coming across to him.... Exactly. You will not stop his behavior. Shut up and like it, or leave. Nagging will merely make him love you less.
amber1 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I think maybe he is is either losing interest or he has met someone else. It's a little weird how he had time for you at first but now he doesn't have time for you at all. A person who is really interested in someone tries to make time for them.
birdie Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 it seems my wisdom will fly in the face of everybody else's. 5 years is not that much but that depends how old you both are. if you are 35 and he is 30 then he is probably mature. if you are 28 and he is 23 then he is not. the bottom line is that the first 3-6 months are ideally the time when you decide whether you are right for each other. if he invites you to the outings with his mates and it is what you want to do then that's fine. if he doesn't invite you or if you have completely different views on how you should be spending your time together then it is time to move on and find someone that you are more compatible with.
jcster Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 if he invites you to the outings with his mates and it is what you want to do then that's fine. if he doesn't invite you or if you have completely different views on how you should be spending your time together then it is time to move on and find someone that you are more compatible with. Exactly. Has he invited you out to watch the game? Have you expressed any interest in joining him?
GALT Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 The moral of this story is to never begin a relationship before foootball season!
love necessity Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I think maybe he is is either losing interest or he has met someone else. It's a little weird how he had time for you at first but now he doesn't have time for you at all. A person who is really interested in someone tries to make time for them. How do you find that in what she says? I only find that he is like any other man who goes to watch games at bars w/ friends...Don't forget that guys like sports and we there are always games seasons starting and ending....
love necessity Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 it seems my wisdom will fly in the face of everybody else's. 5 years is not that much but that depends how old you both are. if you are 35 and he is 30 then he is probably mature. if you are 28 and he is 23 then he is not. the bottom line is that the first 3-6 months are ideally the time when you decide whether you are right for each other. if he invites you to the outings with his mates and it is what you want to do then that's fine. if he doesn't invite you or if you have completely different views on how you should be spending your time together then it is time to move on and find someone that you are more compatible with. I wish I could agree w/ you, but why do you think that she doesn't feel "stable" in a relationship? I'm not going to jump to any extreme conclusions, but if she runs out of relationship because of issues like these, then it is a given, that she will never be able to settle down... If she feels that he is spending all of his time in a bar, and truly doesn't hang around her anymore, then yeah, he is not worth it... But if he merely watching games w/ the boys having a few drinks and still contacts her and hangs w/ her, then what's the big deal?
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