peachfuzz Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Hi, my name is Brad. I was divorced last year after dating the same person for 6 years and married for one. I found out she left me for someone else so I hired an attourney and settled with her. She is out of my life completey and actually lives in another state now. April 25th I met this girl with a very outgoing personality but having problems with who she is with. She is 21 about be 22 and i'm 25. She stays at my neighbors house cause they were high school friends. She wanted space from her current boyfriend for a week. During that week we networked quite well and drank and had fun together and hit it off one night. She is a very beautiful lady. She clung to me almost every aspect. During the next month she broke it off with him and decided to stay with me. June 27th we found out she is pregnant. I was excited but she wasn't soo much. I noticed her getting more and more distant from me. We took a 2 week break from one another cause all her stress was because of me. 3 days before we agreed to meet up and decide on our future my neighbor came to me and told me something he thought i should know. He slept with her. She was mad at me one night after drinking and stayed at his house and i guess what they missed in high school they caught up with in one night. She is now 3 1/2 months pregnant with what i think is 90% my child. I meet up with her on that thursday evening and she said she decides not to get back with me that she has enjoyed the stress free environment the last 2 weeks has offered her. I told her whatever has happened in the past is in the past and i will forgive whatever you have done if you will agree to start back at ground zero with me so we can be a family. I ask her did she ever cheat on me and she said no. I asked her again and she said no again. Then i told her what i knew. She admitted to it and said. Sorry you had to find out. And bye. I got my car and my phone back from her. When i got the phone back from her a guy she dated 3 years ago was texting her saying why are you doing this to me again? Why you leaving me high and dry like you always do. I call him and little to my suprise he knows nothing about me. We talk for about an hour in a suttle way. Come to find out. The first 2 weeks of our break she was sleeping with him. Never told him she was pregnant cause she is too early to show. Now here i sit worried helplessly if she's taking care of the baby and herself or is she still sleeping around for places to sleep... I need some help guys. Please tell me something...
alwayshurt Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 There is not much to say Brad. I am so sorry for what happened to you but you definetely met the wrong girl. She's been sleeping around with so many guys behind your back and what it makes it worse is that she's also pregnant. I don't know if she's willing to keep the baby being so young but my advice to you is get over her and move on. She's not worthed. Be good
Author peachfuzz Posted September 17, 2007 Author Posted September 17, 2007 She left her home at age 17 and is also adopted. She has no closeness to her mom and dad. She never obeyed house rules and what i consider is possibly bi-polar. I've been through breakups and divorces and aa meetings all before. I can handle breakups. I just want to make sure or wish there was something i could do to help her until she has the baby cause i'm not a cruel person especially if there is such a large chance she is having my child. I want utmost care to be taken of the unborn fella that never asked to be brought here and has no control over his future. She is now 4 months pregnant and i know she won't abort it and now in this state it is too late to abort it anyway. But for the 3 months we dated i begged and pleaded with her to quit smoking till she finally did or at least not around me.
Author peachfuzz Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 Anyone else have any advice they wouldnt mind sharing with me ?
Author peachfuzz Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 anyone ? I feel like no one wants to touch my subject
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Until you know 100% for sure if this child is yours, I wouldn't go chasing after her. Think long term - This woman has alot of baggage and is going between you and her boyfriend. She is full of drama! If this child is yours, then you can still be a father...And be very involved. The problem is, this woman is flakey and is possibly bi-polar - Another thing to think about..DO you really want to have that craziness in your life?
Author peachfuzz Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 What can i do to make her come to senses? She is messng up more and more by going from guy to guy... there has to be something i can do to stop it and make her calm down for at least till she comes to term with the child ???
Author peachfuzz Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 Should I try to contact her threw her friends that she has turned against me? Should i try to get my parents to go see her at her work? Should i just stay NC and hope for the best?
Replicant Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Should I try to contact her threw her friends that she has turned against me? Should i try to get my parents to go see her at her work? Should i just stay NC and hope for the best? I don't think you should chase after her at all (relations wise). Regardless of the fact she is pregnant, she seems not willing to deal with the matter at hand which is quite important for the sake of any child. This girl is a human ashtray, and the kind of person whom should NOT be allowed to have kids. In regards to furthering anything with this girl....if she's being that deceptive already, sleeping around and whatnot..What redeeming qualities can you find in that behavior??? Now for the sake of the child that's different, there are many options open to you both and this matter should be resolved. If she has no place to stay, obviously i can deduce she has no job and is on some sort of social assistance. This is absolutely no condition for kids to be born into.
Author peachfuzz Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 She has since contacted me through means of messaging on myspace. I also found out through other people at her job that she is living with her manager that is old enough to be her father. This of course disgusts me and constantly puts my stomach in knots. I called her today at her work after she sent me another message on myspace. I asked her how she is doing and kept a calm tone and asked her about the manager she is sleeping with. She said she has financial security and a job and has been investing her time and money in buying baby cribs car seats etc. and she still doesnt even have a car. A guy she works with said he is quitting because she has taken his spot as shift leader and the work ethic (constant flirting) between the two of them makes him sick. She wanted to make sure i'm not gonna try to take her to court and have her proven unfit to take our little girl. She told me it would be a waste of my time and money cause she has a house and big room for the baby and financially stable. I know this is not gonna last long with this 40yr old guy she is sleeping with. She is using him. This is obvious. I dont understand what she is hoping to accomplish by doing this. I dont know what her goal is by staying with this guy. What the hell could he be thinking taking in this 21 yr old girl that's 5 months pregnant and risking your own job as a manager by dating your staff much less living with them?? please help this is really bothering me
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 The real question should you ask yourself is , is this your baby?? Go and get a paternity test when the baby is born! Go see a lawyer about father's rights! If you are in anyway attached to this lowlife piece of garbage she's gonna drag you down to her level! Do you really want that? This man she's living with could be the father of her child, did that ever come into your mind? You need to man the hell up and grow some balls and start asking the serious questions. If you arent married to this girl why are you even bothering to be with her? Cut off all communication and ban her from your life. If it isnt your baby it's not your problem. Your only 25, I'm 26!!! Life is too short to be pining after some bottom feeding trashbag bitch who couldnt care less about you. Trust me I've been there and done that!!! It will not end nicely, move on with your life!!!
Author peachfuzz Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Man I never thought about that. Could this old balls manager be the father of the child. Ugh. WTF!! But dude if it is mine?? I dont wanna miss a thing you know what i'm saying? How can shutting her out be such a wise thing to do? Shouldn't i remain steadfast in the even it is mine? I know she is trash. I know she is a worthless (lots of derogatory things come to mind) person.
Citizen Erased Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 All you can do is wait until the baby is born and then have a paternity test done. And when that happens will you want to take the child off of her? Normally I wouldn't agree with that, but by all accounts she isn't fit to take care of herself, let alone another human being. She is endangering the life of her child by sleeping with a range of different men (especially if she isn't practising safe sex) and if you are the father I think you would have a right to be very concerned.
stefnfg24 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 First of all, She isnt very respectable if she is having sex with more people then you even began to assume. Honestly, she isnt looking for a relationship, unless you have the lifestyle she is looking for. She is pure and simple a gold digger. While I do feel like she will continue tocontact you, it will be only because she knows you care about her and shes using it to her advantage. Your a backup plan to her. If any other normal girl were pregnant, they would cling to someone who can finanically and emotionally support them. However, Im sorry to say, she isnt normal. Im studying psychology, and she has tendencies to which are abnormal and might possibly be harmful to others. My advice is move on to bigger and better things. This girl isnt going to change her ways, but as long as she thinks your her backup plan, she will keep stringing you along. She isnt worth your time, and you could do so much better. Ps. thanks for the advice you gave on my end. And i appreciate the offer about needing to talk. same for you, im here as well. It helps when someone else is going through the same ****ty things. good luck. Stefanie
Trimmer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 peachfuzz - You might want to go have a consultation with a lawyer specializing in family law. You need to know two things: (1) If this is your biological child, how can you best protect the welfare of the child and your rights as the father? (2) If this is not your biological child, how can you best protect your ability to step away from her and remove her completely from your life? It seems that part of your anguish right now is in not knowing what is happening, what might happen, and what you might be able to do about it. As has been pointed out already, it seems that a paternity test is going to be a necessary first step in figuring out which of these roads you will be travelling. However, go see a lawyer NOW to educate yourself about the issues involved, and to find out whether there is anything you can or should be doing now to protect your interests in the future. Don't let her tell you what you can or cannot do to protect the welfare of the child; go learn it for yourself, and it will make you more confident and more certain of your position, and it may help calm you down during this waiting period before the child is born.
Author peachfuzz Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Thanks for your views.. but what am i supposed to do now?? What should be my next step?
Trimmer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Thanks for your views.. but what am i supposed to do now?? What should be my next step? First of all, you need to calm down, and next you need to realize that you can't "make her" do anything, and you'll need to come to terms with the fact that you won't have control over her. Open your phone book, yellow pages. Look up "Attorneys", and look for categories like family law, custody, paternity... Call and ask what it would take to do an initial consultation. Alternately, if you know a lawyer or someone you trust who uses one, ask for a referral in these areas. At a minimum, ask the questions: If the child is not mine, do I need to do anything to protect myself? If the child is mine, what are my rights and responsibilities? How do I ensure a paternity test is done?
Author peachfuzz Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 All you can do is wait until the baby is born and then have a paternity test done. And when that happens will you want to take the child off of her? Normally I wouldn't agree with that, but by all accounts she isn't fit to take care of herself, let alone another human being. She is endangering the life of her child by sleeping with a range of different men (especially if she isn't practising safe sex) and if you are the father I think you would have a right to be very concerned. Most definitely i would want to try to take custody of the baby if it's mine. I have more to offer the baby than her turning tricks could ever offer. I am fortunate enough to have a huge loving church going family consisting of many aunts and uncles are as just as involved as my immediate family. We all live within a 5 mile radius of one another. I just know how hard is to prove even a prostitute to be unfit. To make matters worse I got laid off from work friday and replaced by a senior manager of 20 years with more experience. Now I have to apply for unemployment to compensate for at least 3/4 of my bills and try not to rely as much on my family for help. But if i have to fall back on them for help they are more than willing. Trimmer i dont know if i can handle an attourney right now financially. I'm 25 years old and have been burnt by women since I was 18. Dating is fun. But if this child is mine then being a father will be more exciting for me than hunting a mate at this time. She told me the baby is set to be a girl and daddy's little girl is what she will be. I just wish i could see through the fog and knew exactly what she is up to and what she is trying to accomplish by taking high risk moves like sleeping with her manager and making the older guy think she really cares for him. I'm not gonna lie i still have feelings for her but know she can't be trusted. I dont know why i still miss her and why knowing her tricks bothers me so. Maybe i see the way she is falling and want to help her back up. Maybe i'm still holding hope for the baby girl to have 2 parents living at home instead of 2 parents and 2 homes. Feel like crying when i talk about this. But feels damn good to let it out! -Brad
alterego1234 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 As far as affording an attorney goes, here's a couple of ideas: 1. Find your state laws online and read what they say about paternity rights. If you have basic reading comprehension skills and patience, you'll at least have a basic understanding of the law. As you read the law jot down all the questions that come up. 2. A lot of attorneys will offer a free or low-cost initial consultation. If you live in a large city, set up these appointments with five or six and you'll get a lot of your questions answered this way. You'll also get a chance to see if you like any of the attorneys you meet with to have them represent you. In my state, if you have a paternity test done and you're the dad, then as long as you're a normal human being you'd likely get joint legal custody and significant physical custody. You might also have to pay her child support for the next 18 years, too.
Author peachfuzz Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 I miss her and want her back dude. Think about her all the time. If i were to persue these feelings what should i say to her? Stupid to think this way but i think i could provide for her so much that she doesn't have. Damn this girl but could i really change her? I dont know. She is easily influenced by material things and.. ? Q ? ugh
stefnfg24 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 So I know you think you want her back, but seriously...she isnt worth it!! Someone better is out there...Trust me. Anywho, got your message, but i dont want to post personal info on here. if you got a myspace, add me. http://www.myspace.com/stefanie_lynne
stefnfg24 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 So I know you think you want her back, but seriously...she isnt worth it!! Someone better is out there...Trust me. Anywho, got your message, but i dont want to post personal info on here. if you got a myspace, add me. www.myspace.com/stefanie_lynne
Fancee Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 This is one thing what most guys to do to win us trouble soul women. They use money and material things. They are almost 100% to work.(money talks) You had her driving your car. She had a cellphone you gave her. You need to give her a house to live in an take her baby-shopping. Add up how much is she worth to you and how much money you are willing to invest/gamble in trying to get what you love and want. Nothing wrong with it. The pursuit of life. Sometimes it takes time and patience but alot of time men are winners like this. I'm a living witness. I say go for it and shoot your best shot. I personally thinks she would be happier with you but she needs a place to call her own. Go apartment hunting/ house just somewhere she feels it her home because she picks it. Thats probably what the neighbor got on you.The other guy, is just a security blanket incase she is ask out or told to leave.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Personally I wouldnt give her a damn dime!!! Your 25 years old tricking on a chickenhead who aint got the brains to even be in a commited relationship!!! Next go get a lawyer and get a court ordered paternity test!!! Something that will hold up in court cause the minute you do things outside the law it wont work for you. Forget her!!! The woman you loved is dead!!!! This woman who left you while she was pregnant under very questionble circumstances! Is this even your child? That's the only thing you should be asking yourself!!!! Take your time and work through your issues!!! It's all about you right now, Prepare yourself emotionally and menatally to move on! Why would you want to be with a woman who treated you like garbage!
Author peachfuzz Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 This is one thing what most guys to do to win us trouble soul women. They use money and material things. They are almost 100% to work.(money talks) You had her driving your car. She had a cellphone you gave her. You need to give her a house to live in an take her baby-shopping. Add up how much is she worth to you and how much money you are willing to invest/gamble in trying to get what you love and want. Nothing wrong with it. The pursuit of life. Sometimes it takes time and patience but alot of time men are winners like this. I'm a living witness. I say go for it and shoot your best shot. I personally thinks she would be happier with you but she needs a place to call her own. Go apartment hunting/ house just somewhere she feels it her home because she picks it. Thats probably what the neighbor got on you.The other guy, is just a security blanket incase she is ask out or told to leave. What rock did you crawl out from under? Are you sick? Why are you telling me to support a leg spreading to pay rent good for nothing slut?? She is sleeping with her manager who is a 39yrold divorcee with no kids and she is 21 and almost 6 months preg. Anyways.. What do you guys think my chances of hooking up with Stefanie are? :-) she is only like 3 hours from me. I hate to say this but maybe destiny has brought me and her to a meeting place?? if you wanna view my pics and myspace it's http://www.myspace.com/bradbennett1 Stef if you are reading this then i'm not really the one typing it. I'm having an out of body experience... plus i think u'r beautiful (my out of body self talking)
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