mlchris2 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Alright, I need some advise. Been dating this gal for 5 months now. At first, i couldnt keep my hands off her. I was doing things I wouldnt normally do, she brought that out in me and i didnt care. After about a week, she dropped the "L-bomb" on me. I was speechless and didnt know what to say. I told her i dont feel that way about her in that way. We are both divorced, both have kids from the previous marriages. We both have full time jobs. We have financial problems, causing stress. about month 4, things got really serious.... talks of marriage, kids, etc. I asked her to move in with me. she lost her job(part of her job was an apt), so i thought it was a good idea. Well after we moved in some things happened and I really dont feel the same way.... I went out of town to visit my dad for the weekend. we started talking and i had a change of mind on the whole... more kids topic. I approached her on it and ALL of the sudden she changed her mind about more kids.... this shocked me, cause that's all she talked about. so far, the topic hasnt come up since. but I wonder if she is just saying things to keep me around. Her daughter is lacking in parental control and simple dicipline. This bothered me. Even after I approached her and she asked me for my help... the same actions continued. I've been in a relationship where i had to raise kids with someone, so i know how kids can put a damper on things, but this was extreme. My girl has a problem with depression and for awhile she was taking her medication and drinking a bottle of wine a night.... thus passing out and leaving me to take care of her daughter. Again, I approached her on it and things have died down. now to continue to my point. I told her I wasnt happy any more. I told her i told myself i would have my life straightened out financially and emotionally before I fell into a serious relationship... again there was something that cuased me to put my goals aside.... I told her the talks of marriage and kids was not ideal for me and if that is something she wants... then its not going to work for her and i. Well I've been battling this MONSTER for a month now. We hardly touch each other... she keep threatening to leave, becuase she isnt happy, but ends up staying... even after i tell her to do what she needs to. Now, I care for her and her daughter. my kids care for her... but the feelings i had just arent there. so I'm wondering why? could i just not be ready for a relationship? is it a matter of me not wanting to hurt her, so i keep her around? MC
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 You two became an instant family and didn't build up the relationship part first. Jumped in waaayyy to quickly and moved into together too fast as well. Her depression, drinking and money problems are only going to cause you more stress as you have your own kids to worry about, your own money problems as well. Having to look after her kids, plus your own is alot of responsibility to take on, and Im assuming that she wants you to look after her during her depressed moments, when she's not capable of functioning properly. First off - Get her to seek therapy, both for her depression and to AA to quit the drinking. This is too much too soon and it's going to negatively affect your kids as well as hers. Be honest and talk to her. You may care for her, but you're not inlove with her. Or am I wrong?
JCD Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Perhaps all her issues that came up put a damper in your love for her. Maybe if she gets better your respect and love for her would come back.
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