For the Women--what do we expect from guys??

[Capricciosa]

It seems to me that much of the dating advice out there is targeted at women, who are taught how to attract a man, entertain a man, comfort a man and keep a man. We are asked to become psychologists of the male psyche, tip-toe around known issues, and fix ourselves to an extent that no man I have ever met has achieved.

 

That said, the last guy I dated stated "Women are the new men." When I asked him whether that made men the new women, he said no, men were just confused. I know that the changes in dynamics between the genders, the independence of women, financial and otherwise, have made the whole mating game a little less choreographed. And that this confusion in men has compounded our own confusion, which explains sites like this where no one knows what to think or do anymore.

 

So I thought we might explore what women want and what they don't want from the men they meet--not only to clarify it for ourselves, but to start demystifying this for all those poor confused men.

 

Let's start with the dating phase. What do you expect when you first meet a guy and go out the first couple of times?

 

(And guys, control your urge to tell us what we want--we are capable of answering that for ourselves, and if you listen, you might pick up a tip or two.)

[Road Rage]

Ok, Ok I`m listening:mad:

[IpAncA]

Let's start with the dating phase. What do you expect when you first meet a guy and go out the first couple of times?

 

When I use to meet men I used the "expect nothing" idea. That was the best way for me to weed them out.

 

Probably doesn't help guys but oh well...helped me LOL!!

 

Oh I know...forgot to add this in. I expect them to be themselves. I dislike fakers.

[Touche]

Speaking for myself, when I was dating the only things I expected at first were nice manners, a down to earth personality that included intelligence, sense of humor and no arrogance. And of course there had to be a level of physical attraction. That's it. Nothing more nothing less. If a man had that much going for him, I'd go out with him. If he didn't, I wouldn't.

[pricillia]

What I want

 

A good connection that can grow and evolve into something great.

 

The man should be able to make me laugh, secure with himself, kind, and just be himself.

 

(with that said I am attracted to the way a man carries himself and the way he takes care of himself)... no total slobs please but no pretty boys either..

 

Peace

[OpenBook]

I look for two little things: Worship and Adore.

[Capricciosa]

Ok, a good start, but how about some specifics:

 

For instance: 1)I expect that he will be on time, 2)hold up his end of the conversation, 3)be enthusiastic, upfront if he wants to see me again. 4)Calling the next day might be too soon, but the day after that is fine and gives me confidence that he likes me and that it is ok to like him back. 5)I don't expect him to necessarily pay for the whole date, which makes me uncomfortable if we don't know each other well, and puts us back into conventional roles and expectations. But maybe one of us can buy drinks, the other dinner, or the movie tickets or whatever.

 

I agree on being well put together, like he thought about it ahead of time. The chemistry and good manners is a given.

 

But if we were going to write an etiquette book for this modern world, what specific, concrete tips would we include?

[Lizzie60]

I say:

 

Don't expect anything... then you won't get bad 'surprises' just go with the flow.. and see if it works...

 

Chemistry is the most important factor... no expectations.

 

I think that's why most relationships don't work out.. We put too much expectations..and they're too 'high'...

 

I say give him/her a chance and deal with the 'problems' as they arise.

 

Some people even expect from others what they can't even provide themselves...

[pricillia]

I can not add to what I have already written... just that I do not have a pre-planned date planning guide, I say just see what happens you know...

 

I know what I want in a man but I can not make a list of things that he has to say or do, that would ruin it all.

[Lizzie60]

Why not make a list of THE expectations and 'ticked' them off as they are 'tested'

[Cobra_X30]

(And guys, control your urge to tell us what we want--we are capable of answering that for ourselves, and if you listen, you might pick up a tip or two.)

 

 

Me... need tips? ... LOL.

[shadowplay]

My ideal:

extremely smart

confident but not arrogant

good-looking and tall

creative

funny

great conversationalist

sweet, treats me well. *******s never do it for me.

into sex and good at it

shares my taste in music

cultured

slightly off beat or counterculture

liberal

mature but not even slightly jaded or bitter

emotionally available yet not needy

independent minded

 

what i'll settle for:

smart

confident

nice looking

funny

into sex

sweet and treats me well

not bitter

emotionally available without being needy

independent-minded

 

any of the items in the second list missing is usually a deal-breaker

[shadowplay]

My ideal:

extremely smart

good-looking and tall

creative

funny

great conversationalist

sweet, treats me well

into sex and good at it

shares my taste in music

cultured

slightly off beat or counterculture

liberal

mature but not even slightly jaded or bitter

emotionally available yet not needy

independent minded

 

what i'll settle for:

smart

nice looking

funny

into sex

sweet and treats me well

not bitter

emotionally available without being needy

independent-minded

 

all of the items in the second list are dealbreakers.

[pricillia]

My ideal:

extremely smart

good-looking and tall

creative

funny

great conversationalist

sweet, treats me well

into sex and good at it

shares my taste in music

cultured

slightly off beat or counterculture

liberal

mature but not even slightly jaded or bitter

emotionally available yet not needy

independent minded

 

what i'll settle for:

smart

nice looking

funny

into sex

sweet and treats me well

not bitter

emotionally available without being needy

independent-minded

 

all of the items in the second list are dealbreakers.

 

 

LOL LOL LOL as if the first post list wasn't enough, you had to make two just incase you lost it... LOL LOL LOL

[Lizzie60]

My ideal:

extremely smart

good-looking and tall

creative

funny

great conversationalist

sweet, treats me well

into sex and good at it

shares my taste in music

cultured

slightly off beat or counterculture

liberal

mature but not even slightly jaded or bitter

emotionally available yet not needy

independent minded

 

what i'll settle for:

smart

nice looking

funny

into sex

sweet and treats me well

not bitter

emotionally available without being needy

independent-minded

 

all of the items in the second list are dealbreakers.

 

Good for you... don't settle for anything less...

Life is too short...

 

For me, I have to add... financially secure...

[shadowplay]

LOL LOL LOL as if the first post list wasn't enough, you had to make two just incase you lost it... LOL LOL LOL

 

That was a mistake...I tried to delete it but couldn't find a way.

[pricillia]

That was a mistake...I tried to delete it but couldn't find a way.

 

 

I know... it was cute though...

[rockinbeyondrepair]

tbh if a girl was that clingy I'd have to invite her to a restaurant in Turkey, ditch her, but not before planting enough hashish in her handbag to incur a death penalty TURKISH STYLE...

[Capricciosa]

on the word expect. Everyone has expectations--to be treated kindly, to have someone be a gentleman, etc. Are you saying you go out on a date and whatever will be will be? I s everyone that detached from the whole thing. The fact that you said yes means some of your expectations were met. And when they are conversely not met, you probably don't go out with him again.

 

I have an expectation, for instance, to not hear the gorey details of the last relationship and heartbreak on my first date. I have the expectation that his focus will be on me for the duration of the date, as mine is on him.

 

Lots of experts actually say you get what you expect. So maybe this stance of not expecting is some sort of self-preservation. But expectation itself is normal and can be not only positive, but a good way of separating the wheat from the chaff so to speak.

 

But for everyone's comfort, let's change the word to want--or even more polite, like. (Let me not use the word need here). What would you like him to do, how would you like him to behave. (I know that this is already in some of your answers--but I'm feeling very devil's advocate tonight.)

[Capricciosa]

tbh if a girl was that clingy I'd have to invite her to a restaurant in Turkey, ditch her, but not before planting enough hashish in her handbag to incur a death penalty TURKISH STYLE...

 

 

and what rock did your crawl out from under again? oh yeah, plymouth. please go back:mad:

[Darkzen]

My ideal:

extremely smart - Check

good-looking and tall - Check (tall and handsome, a little overweight atm, though that's not the norm for me and I'm in the process of correcting it)

creative - Check (I'm a dreamer)

funny - Check (although I'm a wise-ass)

great conversationalist - Check (my words can't keep up with my mind most of the time, I confuse others at times because I think that I've already conveyed a thought fully, but part of the conversation was in my own mind and I left out some of the connection)

sweet, treats me well - Check

into sex and good at it - Check and I've been told that I'm good in bed by every women I've been with (only 4 of them, but so far it looks good)

shares my taste in music - Can't say, but I do listen to all types of music

cultured - Be more specific (I believe you're referring to an appreciation of the finer things in life, as well as how to behave in those settings... if that is the case, then check)

slightly off beat or counterculture - Check (I hate society)

liberal - Check (although on a couple issues I'm conservative)

mature but not even slightly jaded or bitter - Very understanding and open-minded, but I do get bitter about the world at times

emotionally available yet not needy - Always there for everyone, but on occasion it's nice to not be the strong one

independent minded - I question everything and never take anything for face value

 

what i'll settle for:

smart

nice looking

funny

into sex

sweet and treats me well

not bitter

emotionally available without being needy

independent-minded

 

all of the items in the second list are dealbreakers.

 

Overall, I think it's good that you have a hope list and a settle for list. It shows that you're grounded.

 

And I understand it wasn't meant as an application, didn't I mention that I'm a wise-ass?

 

My list would be:

Wise and a deep thinker (intelligence is over-rated IMHO)

Attractive enough (it's all relative anyways)

Creative for sure

Has a sarcastic sense of humor

Able to at least do her part in carrying a conversation

Treats me as I treat her

No sexual hang ups, enjoying the 69 is a bonus

A bit of a tomboy and a bit of a girlie-girl, just not too much of either

Independent (I.E. doesn't need constant coddling)

Liberal for sure or at least liberal on the important topics

Loyal

Confident

Enjoys closeness

 

I'd settle for a girl that meets most of those criteria. Relationships are give and take, you need someone willing to be open and loyal first. The rest can be shared... not everyone has similar experiences in life and it might lead to different likes and dislikes and even a different personality. That's not to say that compromises can't be made, hell they may even actually like some of the things you share with them.

[love necessity]

Well...I have been in a relationship for over four years now...and it has been a wonderful relationship...We are still strong and counting the days...

 

The things that I find very attractive in my SO...

 

• He is very hardworking--has had same steady job at uni for four years
  
• He makes me laugh and doesn't try very hard
  
• He tells me I'm beautiful everyday
  
• He tells me he loves me everyday
  
• He doesn't feel upset when I'm not in the mood (haha..LOL)
  
• He is very open and honest w/ me...
  
• He is always willing to go that extra mile
  
• He does everything by hand...(not afraid to get dirty)
  
• He is very smart--graduates in a year
  
• He accepted me for me, and doesn't go on about the past
  
• He makes me feel like I'm the only one in the room whenever we are out
  
• He opens doors
  
• He genuine and very giving
  
• He compassionate
  
• He is a great listener
  
• There are so many more qualities that I can't even define...He's just an all around great guy!

[Trialbyfire]

An honest man.

[Green]

since Im a man who gets any women I want i'll just describe myself as a womans expectations

Very tall

Dark

handsome

funny

smooth talker

strong

horniest man alive bioch.

smarter then u

[Darkzen]

since Im a man who gets any women I want i'll just describe myself as a womans expectations

Very tall

Dark

handsome

funny

smooth talker

strong

horniest man alive bioch.

smarter then u

 

I love the sarcasm bud, great stuff... "smarter than u" (the misspelling in the same sentence as the word smart, pure genius), almost 1500 posts and talk of "gets any women I want" (I love the oxymoron in that) plus the "smooth talker" comment (very good because of the follow up comment about "horniest man alive bioch")... pure comedy gold.

 

Do you do stand-up somewhere?