CAT100 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Ok, this weekend I had a big family function to go to- it was a relatives wedding anniversary. I was talking to one of the guests about how great it was that my relatives wedding had lasted so long etc & she said 'Yeah it is, especially when you consider the circumstances when they first met!' and I was like what? She then elaborated that when my relative first met her H, he was married & she was the OW! She was the OW for 7 years & then he left & married her. They have now been married a LONG time & have 3 kids. So Im thinking should I tell this relative about my situation? Cos maybe she could help/advise me? Apart from this forum no- one knows & I have no-one to talk to, & it is so so hard at times when I need another viewpoint or whatever. My relative is not that close to my parents so I dont think she would tell them, but it is a risk I guess. Telling anyone who knows any of my family/frieds is a risk really, but its incredibly hard dealing with it all by myself. So do you guys think I should confide in her, or not?
OpenBook Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 How close are YOU to this relative? Can you trust her to keep your confidences? And even if you can't, I just can't picture your family turning their backs on you, especially since it's already happened in the (extended) family. There's nothing like family to help you through the tough stuff. It's too bad you can't confide in your parents. But I know where you're coming from on that -- I couldn't either. I've got some "kissing cousins" who would take my secrets with them to the grave. Do you have some of those?
Author CAT100 Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 Im not super close to her, but we get on well & she is really nice. She lives quite near so if I did tell her I could easily meet her for a coffee & chat. I would think that as she has been in my situation & also is not very close to my parents that she would be unlikely to tell them. What do you mean by 'kissing cousins' lol, I havent heard that expression before?!
OpenBook Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Im not super close to her, but we get on well & she is really nice. She lives quite near so if I did tell her I could easily meet her for a coffee & chat. I would think that as she has been in my situation & also is not very close to my parents that she would be unlikely to tell them. What do you mean by 'kissing cousins' lol, I havent heard that expression before?! I always thought it meant 1st cousins, close in age. But now that I'm re-reading it, I hope it doesn't mean incestual relations. Ew! I think you should at least start cultivating a more solid relationship with your close-by relative, even if you never tell her about the MM. It could turn out to be a beautiful (and valuable) friendship. My girlfriends got me through my devastating MM breakup (it was years ago), and they had no idea. Well, one of them did - but I never discussed it with her at the time.
Author CAT100 Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 Oh ok lol! No I have male cousins, no female. Not close to them & would really rather talk to a female. Ok I will try to get closer to my relative, I guess it would be a bit weird just springing this on her when I dont really see her very much at the moment.
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I guess it would be a bit weird just springing this on her when I dont really see her very much at the moment. Yup. Plus, just keep it in mind that she's got her new life now and even though she was an OW who married her MM, she does know about all the drama an affair brings on. She may not want to become involved in what is going on in your life. Sure, they ended up together, but I'm sure it wasn't an easy process...I'm betting there was alot of pain involved from the betrayal and some guilty feelings too. Definately try to get a friendship with her before putting this on her.
Lizzie60 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 It's hard to say... Only YOU know how close you feel to her... but if I were you... I would get to know her better first... then after you get a feeling, she will keep your secret (or if you don't mind her telling others) then you can confide in her... I have learned through the years to keep my 'darkest' secrets to myself... I don't really trust anyone...except my 'bestest' friend, but even her.. she doesn't know everything. Some things are best kept secret...to your thomb...
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 thomb... LOL, sorry this is a funny typo. Tomb. Or do you mean thumb??? hehe, just being silly.
Lizzie60 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 LOL, sorry this is a funny typo. Tomb. Or do you mean thumb??? hehe, just being silly. Yes I meant tomb...
precious1357 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Wow, I have the same dilemma! I want to tell my cousin so bad. No one knows in my family because they are down on this kind of thing and so are my friends but my situation is eating my brain up! Even now I have a headache because I have no one to talk to and I'm totally afraid my friends will find out.
on_my_way_out Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 It is natural to have a confidant that you can speak to. If nothing more than to just hear yourself say things outloud. Be very careful who you choose as that. Did you consider getting a trained Therapist to be able to do that with and provide trained guidance at the same time. They also are protected with confidentiality priveledges if it came to a court situation. Good luck
precious1357 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Thanks for your advice. I cannot afford to buy a friend.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I confided in my close family and friends and now everyone knows, and they're all unbelievably supportive. They love me very much and my happiness is paramount to them. They worry I'm poutting my life on hold for MM, but they all know that they've never seen me so in love, and they seem able to deal with it - for me. God, I love them all! I dont think you can get ENOUGH support at the moment, so confide in those you trust. If they love you they wont judge you
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