I miss her

[Diplok]

It's been close to 7 weeks that she broke up with me, yet I still think about her. What bothers me is that I know inside me, even if I say I would not give her a chance if she would come back, I know I would.

 

The relationship only lasted 6 months but in 6 months we spent a lot of time together. We went out all the time, she spent time with my family and I spent time with hers. She became my best friend fast. According to her I was her best friend too. But, her actions after stomping on my heart for a simple argument were to tell others all the things I confided to her in secret. Now I deal with the loss of a best friend, a girlfriend and others knowing my private matters. Nothing serious, but things I only told her. I am a very private person and her doing that to me hurt a lot. She also confided in me about many things no one knew about her. Not once have I opened my mouth to tell those things to others like she has done.

 

It hurts, because I was fully invested in this relationship. I gambled and I lost.

 

Everyone kept telling me to just seat tight, that she would come back. 7 weeks later I have yet to receive a call, a text or anything for that matter. I'm just now realising that she just wasn't that much into me even if she said I love you a thousand times.

 

At first, I did what every desperate idiot with no self control would do. I sent her flowers, I called, texted her, etc, etc, etc. Fortunately I stumbled upon this forum and got control of my self within the first week. I am doing much better but I'm still bitter about the whole thing. So many things I wasn't allowed to say. She had her say and I listened, but when it came time for me to speak, she didn't want to hear it.

 

Part of me thinks she acted in this way because she is embarrased to face me knowing how well I treated her, but the new man in me knows she just don't care. If she did, she would not have broken up with me over the phone. She could have at least faced me. She called me, dumped me and left. After a week she agreed to meet with me at my insistence only to back out half an hour later.

 

I'm 26, she is 21. The relationship was great. Our only problem was the amount of time we spent with each other. We both work and go to school so our time together was limited. Not to mention, she has a very controlling mother who smothers her children way too much. On our free time, her mother would always try to get her to spend time with her and not anything involving me.

 

My mother always said that "her mother" was replacing the husband she was missing with her children. My mother always warned me about such an unhealthy relationship between "the mother" and my gf. I failed to see it because I was in love. I can't put into words how controlling this woman was. To give you an example: My gf and I didn't see each other during the week a lot, so we would get together on the weekends, well her mother would limit our time on the weekend to just a few hours. One Saturday, I remember her mother occupying her whole morning so she wouldn't leave the house, when she finally came over my place around 3pm, by 9:00 pm her mother was telling her to go back home. That she had been out with me for too long. My GF would start arguing with her mother and it would be a battle between her mother, my gf and I.

 

I'm sorry for the long post but when someone leaves your life suddenly and does not give you a chance to speak, you are left with lots to say and no one to say it to. I am not the kind of person to gossip my feelings to someone else so I don't tell anyone how I feel. This board and my Moleskine notebook are my salvation.

[Diplok]

No one has any advice?

[ls707]

It's been close to 7 weeks that she broke up with me, yet I still think about her. What bothers me is that I know inside me, even if I say I would not give her a chance if she would come back, I know I would.

 

The relationship only lasted 6 months but in 6 months we spent a lot of time together. We went out all the time, she spent time with my family and I spent time with hers. She became my best friend fast. According to her I was her best friend too. But, her actions after stomping on my heart for a simple argument were to tell others all the things I confided to her in secret. Now I deal with the loss of a best friend, a girlfriend and others knowing my private matters. Nothing serious, but things I only told her. I am a very private person and her doing that to me hurt a lot. She also confided in me about many things no one knew about her. Not once have I opened my mouth to tell those things to others like she has done.

 

It hurts, because I was fully invested in this relationship. I gambled and I lost.

 

Everyone kept telling me to just seat tight, that she would come back. 7 weeks later I have yet to receive a call, a text or anything for that matter. I'm just now realising that she just wasn't that much into me even if she said I love you a thousand times.

 

At first, I did what every desperate idiot with no self control would do. I sent her flowers, I called, texted her, etc, etc, etc. Fortunately I stumbled upon this forum and got control of my self within the first week. I am doing much better but I'm still bitter about the whole thing. So many things I wasn't allowed to say. She had her say and I listened, but when it came time for me to speak, she didn't want to hear it.

 

Part of me thinks she acted in this way because she is embarrased to face me knowing how well I treated her, but the new man in me knows she just don't care. If she did, she would not have broken up with me over the phone. She could have at least faced me. She called me, dumped me and left. After a week she agreed to meet with me at my insistence only to back out half an hour later.

 

I'm 26, she is 21. The relationship was great. Our only problem was the amount of time we spent with each other. We both work and go to school so our time together was limited. Not to mention, she has a very controlling mother who smothers her children way too much. On our free time, her mother would always try to get her to spend time with her and not anything involving me.

 

My mother always said that "her mother" was replacing the husband she was missing with her children. My mother always warned me about such an unhealthy relationship between "the mother" and my gf. I failed to see it because I was in love. I can't put into words how controlling this woman was. To give you an example: My gf and I didn't see each other during the week a lot, so we would get together on the weekends, well her mother would limit our time on the weekend to just a few hours. One Saturday, I remember her mother occupying her whole morning so she wouldn't leave the house, when she finally came over my place around 3pm, by 9:00 pm her mother was telling her to go back home. That she had been out with me for too long. My GF would start arguing with her mother and it would be a battle between her mother, my gf and I.

 

I'm sorry for the long post but when someone leaves your life suddenly and does not give you a chance to speak, you are left with lots to say and no one to say it to. I am not the kind of person to gossip my feelings to someone else so I don't tell anyone how I feel. This board and my Moleskine notebook are my salvation.

 

just read this; I do kinda sympathize with your situation; partly cuz i have experienced something similar if not completely the same. From what you have said she doesn't sound like she was into you as you were into her. She never respected your boundaries or what you wanted.

 

You confide in her and she dis-respects you and tells everyone? That in itself is a major red flag. Also mothers have a very good knack at getting things us guys dont get when it comes to women. Meaning when your mom told you the stuff about her "mother" and the way she controlled her children; their might be some truth to that as well. Sounds like your ex couldn't or did not have the strength to draw healthy boundaries between mother time and your time. Basically sounds like shes controlled by her mom.

 

If it has been 7 weeks and nothing from her end; then just move on and let it rest. Either she doesn't care at least for the moment or shes trying to figure things out on her end; either way don't get stuck here; move and realize that theres a lot more to your life than just her.

 

your ex sounds like the type of girl that had gold in her hands but threw it away thinking that the grass is greener on the other side or maybe she never really understood what she had. Maybe one day she will; maybe she wont. Its no longer your problem

 

Also if you absolutely feel that there are things you want to get out of your system; go see a counselor or worst case write her a good bye email and send it to her (explaining your feelings) at least this will give you some kinda closure and possibly some peace

 

In the meantime; work on yourself. Try to get your confidence back up. Go out with friends; party it out if you have to. Re-kindle yourself with the hobbies that you like doing. Visit family, go on a vacation. Anything that will help you bring some peace into your mind and clear it up so that you can focus again on life; not her. Its her loss; not yours; move on man you can do it.

[Diplok]

lS707,

 

Thanks for your advice. I'm doing much better now. At first, I tried speaking to her but she didn't want to talk. She never responded to texts or e-mails, I left her a couple of voicemails but she never called back. I gave up after a couple of days.

 

I bought a small notebook and have learned to express my anger on paper. It has been a relieve. I have written her about 3 e-mails but when it comes time to send them, I don't. I place them in my drafts folder. I know she doesn't care about me, why send them then. They will fall on deaf ears.

 

I just wish I could get her off my mind. I think about her before going to bed, and when I wake up.

[route1]

diplock this girl who was ment to love you dumped you then told everyone personal things thatyou did not want to her to if she did not want you any more she could have at least have respected you enough not to have done that. it is so hard moving on but if you stop calling sooner or later she will come back but that will be the time for you to be strong she is not right for you let her go. on the other hand she may just have made genuine mistakes here feels ashamed and does not no what to do. you no her better than most its a tricky one

[route1]

o and i think you should sent that goodbye e-mail. just tell her you wish her all the best. then you cant do anything else just move on and if you dont here back from her and you dont expect to that should make it easier to move on in the e-mail dont say things like you still love her just tell her you are getting on with your life and to take care and goodbye

[raidsniffer]

I was recently in a similar situation... and its been almost 4 months? and it still hurts. I'm trying to let go, but it sucks. I neve knew i'd get like this or that I'd ever really like someone to this point where it hurts so damn much. But i guess throughout the relationship it was inevitable..it was 6 months but 6 months of crap. No matter what I said or did, she never really got any closer. At least you got to the point where you were "best friends". I couldn't even get to that. She had issues from the past but it kept creeping up. She had issue after issue after issue with me as i did with her, for treating me like crap like i didn't exist. I told her half way through the relations that if she didn't see a relationship that i'd back off.. she said she did, but it just went back to old ways. It was a really cofusing and crappy relationship for me. It was something I really didn't need in my life. My friends told me that I deserved to be treated better, but i didn't listen to them. As for now I know i should just let things go and move on... but it sucks cause she was that girl that was almost perfect. Even now I don't know if i was told the truth or lies hidden as excuses. She said she didn't have time for a relationship and all this fun stuff saying she couldn't change, but guess what. they were all lies. well i think they were all lies cause it sure as hell seems like she's seeing someone else. I hate the feeling of being used and "toyed" with...but yea. I have a lot of bottled up anger and it sucks for my friends cause I end up blowing up at them now for small reasons when I used to be really passive. I guess my advice to you is that if she's not responding, the best way is just to try and not care as I've tried. It goes back and forth for me.. but really all this bottled up feelings is just eating away at me. as you can tell i'm somewhat bitter. but what do you expect when you were treated and dropped like you never even mattered..

[Diplok]

Thank you all for your advice. I have thought about e mailing her but, she hasn't attempted to contact me at all after the breakup. That tells me that she just doesn't care, if that's the case then me emailing her will be an annoyance in her eyes. She'll see me as this pathetic piece of garbage that she discarded yet still wants to come back.

 

I still have feelings for her. Last night while I was going through my pictures on my computer I found 3 pictures of her and Immediately my heart just sank. I trashed the pics and started reading.

 

I wasted time, effort and money on someone who didn't deserve it. Sometimes it takes situations like these for us to learn valuable lessons. I certainly learned not to trust people so openly. Trust is built with time. I tend to trust everyone until proven otherwise. That method simply doesn't work.

[bish]

No one has any advice?

 

Yes, if you loved her and treated her like a queen, and she dumped you, then forget about her. She obviously isn't worth your time.

 

She'll get out there, get with a real jerk...that guy will treat her like shiit, then she'll realize what she had. By that time it'll be too late...or at least it should be.

 

You should find someone that will appreciate your kindness and appreciate being treated good. Just forget about her. Move on and find someone worthy of your affections...she definitely is NOT worthy.

[bish]

I just wish I could get her off my mind. I think about her before going to bed, and when I wake up.

 

When you find a decent woman that will return your affections, trust me...you will forget all about her.

[jusschillin]

I understand how you feel, but the others are right. You have to find a way to move on. If she cared about you she would have not been able to stay so long. Is she seeing someone else? That may be a reason for not showing any emotion towards you. I know this because I cheated on my husband and because I was so involved with this other guy did not feel any emotion towards my husband. I was caught up in this new wirlwind romance which turned out to be empty and then I wanted to go back but the damage was done. Leave her alone. At this point nothing you do will win her back.