do you overanalyze your relationship? looking for "the one"?

[katie82]

is a relationship worth being constantly analyzed? i find myself constantly analyzing my relationship, trying to figure out if he is THE ONE.

 

ive heard alot of people say "you just KNOW when youve found the one" i am not that type of person. i am very obsessive and overanalytical and too nervous to ever trust those sorts of feelings

 

as a background- ive been with my boyfriend for about 1 year. things are going really well and at this rate i see marriage in our future if all goes well. i guess this is the first relationship where i've felt like marriage is a very big possibility and im starting to get freaked out by that! since things are so serious and i feel like i could be with this guy for the rest of my life, i find myself constantly analyzing him and our relationship- assessing our compatibility, imagining what it would be like to raise kids together, etc, blah blah blah.

 

so far everything seems compatible and good,except for a few minor things (he's a little less social than i am, he comes from a slighty dysfunctional family whereas i come from a very stable one). in terms of lifestyles, values, morals, we are pretty much on the same page. we are best friends and get along great.

 

anyway, i get focused on these little differences we have and worry that one day it might catch up with us. so far they havent really been a problem or gotten in the way. i dont really have anyone to talk to about how you know when someone is the ONE- my parents are very closed off and awkward about talking about relationships, and none of my friends are engaged or married yet. i thought maybe posting on this advice forum would get me some good feedback

 

is it normal to overanalyze and get hung up on stupid things when youre thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone? i am terrified of divorce and just want to live a long happy life with a great husband and family.

 

i guess my question is- how do you know when he/she is THE ONE? (sorry, a very cliche question!)

 

thanks for your input

katie

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

i guess my question is- how do you know when he/she is THE ONE? (sorry, a very cliche question!)

 

I'm not too sure if I can put it down in words, really. I'd say it's a gut feeling. But I'll still try to describe it..

 

1. You can be your true self around that person without any need for pretense, or the pressure to be "just a certain way". You can be yourself, and not be fearful of being ridiculed or rejected.

 

2. You really get along with them on many levels. To me, this is a really important part.

 

3. You know and like what you see in them as individuals. What they are as a person, will translate into what they bring into the relationship.

 

4. At the end of the day, they're the person you want to come home to.

 

 

That's about all I can put into words.

 

About your constant wondering about your own relationship, and whether he's the one: there's no point in over-thinking and over-analyzing, as you know yourself.

 

Some differences are bound to exist. Otherwise, we'd all marry ourselves. As long as those differences don't affect the way you feel about yourself and him, they're not a huge issue.

 

At some point, you have to realize that they don't get better than that.