tabitha83 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Hi, I was was hoping someone could shed some light on the recent behaviour of my ex. He's a flirty guy, very tactile etc and always joking around, but we haven't been getting on for a few weeks, and have barely spoken until recently. Last week we were getting on really well and went out a few times as friends, just shopping and stuff like that. While we were out my ex was joking around and very playful - we were taking the mick out of each other like we used to when we were going out, chatting and getting on, and every so often he'd playfully bump into me, push me, wipe something off my face etc, it was nice. Last Monday he stayed over at my house after work and we shared the sofa, fell asleep and he cuddled up to me (arms round waist so nothing sexual, we were fully clothed as well) and then on Tuesday afternoon we went out again. While we were out we sat on a bench for something to eat, and I mentioned something about how I found it hard to be around him (meaning considering the history and how we haven't been getting on reently, it's hard to forget all that and start laughing and joking like we used to). He was quite close to me and leaned in a bit more, then said "is that because you still love me?" I thought he was joking although he looked serious, so I just said no and laughed it off. His face fell slightly, then when we got home and he was about to leave he brought up what he'd said earlier. I asked if he really thought I still loved him and he said "yes, well maybe not love, but I think you still have feelings for me". I asked why, and he said that he thought it because the previous night,I'd let siop that I'd be a bit jealous if he started seeing someone else. So, I asked why it was that when I get jealous, it means I still have feelings for him, but he gets jealous all the time of my male friend Steve (my ex hates the fact steve lives and works very close to my house, and is always making snide remarks about him, saying steve 'loves' me and I msut fancy him too, stuff like that) - but it doesn't mean that he has feelings for me. My ex said "I do have feelings". I replied "no, I mean proper feelings" and my ex said that yes, he did have proper feelings. I didn't know what to say to that, so as he was outside by his car, I shut the front door on him. A few texts were exchaned that night but nothing more was said about the feelings thing, but affter that day everything changed - my ex still speaks to me and still comes round, but he's much more detached; he isn't as flirty, and seems to be putting the emphasis more on us being friends, rather than seeming like he fancies me like he did before. He also says that he's interested in someone but doesn't want a relationship, and keeps saying he's happy being single. I can't work out whether he was being truthful when he said he still had feelings and became distant because he was upset that I dind't return the feelings, or if his ego just got a dent (he didnt have feelings but expected me to), or if he was just playing games? Whenever I've tried to ask him, he just says "ok so I thought you had feelings for me but I got it wrong" and gets all defensive. I've even tried being flirty but he doesn't return it anymore, and asked him whether he meant it when he says he had feelings but he just says he regrets saying it. What do you all think?
madgun68 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Seems to me that he did/does have feelings for you, and has backed off emotionally because you didn't return them. He regrets saying it because it probably feels like you're poking at the wound.. You didn't seem to share the same feelings, but keep bringing up the fact that he said he did. What I wonder though.. Is if you really do have feelings for him but aren't admitting to it. If you don't, then I would suggest backing off a bit yourself. He'll get over it and come back around. If you do have feelings for him, maybe it would be time to discuss it rather than pretending you don't.
Author tabitha83 Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 I do have feelings for him, but because of the history between us I wouldn't want a relationship with him again. I'm not sure whether to admit I have feelings for him...the closest I've come is saying that I find him attractive still, but nothing more than that. I said that in a text. I have also said things (through text message and on the phone - not in person yet as I'm too chicken!) like "I know you're not interested in me" as part of a conversation, and he's never admitted that he does or said I'm wrong, so surely that proves he's genuinely NOT interested? He also keeps dropping it into the conversation how happy he is staying single, that he's had the 'oppportunity' of a relationship but doesn't want it and that he does like someone but won't further it at the moent. I also know he has about 8 women's numbers on his phone, some of whom I know are interested in him, but that he says he only likes as friends. I've even tried asking him to stay over at my place overnight and he's made excuses every time (saying he "will stay over anytime you want", but anytime I ask he says he can't that particular night). Surely if he was interested in me, he'd be wanting to stay overnight and/or would have made a move by now? ETA: I forgot to mention; the last time my ex came round to my house, he went to leave and then suddenly said something about my male friend steve. Steve had sent a text saying he'd seen me outside on his way to work, and Phil started saying how Steve was obviously watching me, and then said "Steve loves you, he does something that I don't do". That really got to me. Why would he say something like that, especially out of the blue?
Trialbyfire Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 No risk, no return... Sounds like he wants an FWB. He has feelings but doesn't want a relationship. If you're willing to settle for this, go with it and see what develops. If not, keep that front door closed.
Author tabitha83 Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 But surely if he wanted FWB, he'd take up the offer of staying over? The last time he stayed over I suggested sharing my bed (not as slutty as it sounds!) and he said he'd sleep on the sofa, and he just doesn't seem sexually interested in me anymore...he even seems uncomfortable when my leg tounches him or something when we sit next to each other. I'm not convinced he even had sexual feelings for me anymore, let alone anything else...is there any way of telling without having to ask him?
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