Ex wants to meet for dinner

[heartoutside]

For those of you that don't know my story, ex broke up with me 3 months ago, asked for space and said she was confused. Hasn't really stoped contacting me since. Recently her text messages got more and more bizzare and random and I couldn't take anymore of it, so I laid it all out for her, poured my heart out and told her I never stopped loving her, I got replies of I thought you had already moved on, why couldn't you have been this passionate months ago....

 

Anyway, after that talk, I felt that she was actually thinking about us, and 3 days later I get back from a trip and she has sent me an email explainging that she is really confused, her mind is f'd up and that i'm probably better off with out her, and that she felt our relationship was amazing and she was happy but not as happy as she thought she should have been. Which was news to me.

 

I wrote a short but perfect email back explaining to her that I never knew how she felt and that if I knew that was how she felt that we could work on things. I told her that she wasn't a horrible person, she's an amazing person and was/is an amazing girlfriend..I told her that when ever she is ready or wants to talk we can. In person or over the phone.

 

 

Well last night while I was out with some friends I received a text from my ex saying hi, I waited and wrote back and we texted back and forth for a little and then she asked when I would like to talk. I told her whenever works best for her. So she suggested monday, and I replied. Dinner? to which she replied, sure. I'm sure I'll be hungry after work.

 

So she and I are going to meet up after her work tomorrow, and Now I'm kind of flipping out. I don't know what to expect, or what to think!? Why would she want to meet for dinner if she was going to end it for good? A part of me wants to think she wants to try again and that is why she was open to dinner, other wise she would have just called me up and said lets talk and she would have laid it out on the phone. Right?!?

 

What do I do...? How should I act? Do I let her do all the talking? If she says it's over I don't think we can ever work out, do I just get up and leave? What if she strings me along even more?!? What if she says I want to see where things are going to go with this new guy?

 

I don't need the questions running through my head before this talk. I know I need to be as calm and cool and collected as I can be, but SHHIT how the hell is that possible......?!

 

What is bugging me also, is I've read a few stories on here where people meet with their ex's for dinner and it turns out horrible. That is part of the reason I'm feeling like this...

[BestAdvisor1]

What if she says I want to see where things are going to go with this new guy?

 

...

 

She got a new man in her life? Casual date (just talking and coffee) or full blown relationship including sex and everything?

 

I say, either she get rid of him completely and be with you, assuming that you still want her back after she slept with some other guy. Or, end all contact with her; you're not some doormat that she can use while she's still giving her affection to some other man.

[heartoutside]

I was looking for. I'm not really worried about the other guy. She has been hanging around this guy for a few months now and she still considers her self single. I don't know what they've done, or what is up with him and her. But i called her out on it kind of when we talked on the phone last week and I poured my heart out. You can read my past postings, that would probably give you a better idea of what is going on.

 

I'm not trying to figure out what I should do about this other guy, i'm trying to figure out how I should react, or where I should take her, etc etc. Should I take her to a new place that neither of us have been too?! Or a place she and I always go too?

[rapunzel_2000]

Reminds me a little of my situation, my ex wants to get together for a drink to "sit down and have a chat" (he dumped me three weeks ago) because he really wants to "retain me as a friend". I can't tell if he means it or if he's just testing the waters for a second chance. Hard to say but it's risky for me and I have not returned his call yet.

 

And dinner with your ex is risky for you. If she does tell you she wants to check things out with this other guy and your food just arrived on the table, you can't just down your drink and say, "Ok I gotta get going, nice seeing you. " You know? So maybe save all relationship serious talk for the end of the dinner so you can make a quick exit if needed.

 

You've already poured your heart out, maybe you should just try to play it cool. If she does say she wants to stay with the other guy, try not to let her see how it affects you. Save your emotions for when you get home, and yell and punch the pillow, or cry or do whatever you need to do. You will seem more intruiging to her if you play it cool and not show all your cards.

 

Don't bring her to a nice place. Especially if you plan on paying. Bring her to a place you've never been but a casual moderately priced place. Let her do most of the talking and listen intently. Keep you emotions in check and let her wonder about you!

[BestAdvisor1]

And dinner with your ex is risky for you. If she does tell you she wants to check things out with this other guy and your food just arrived on the table, you can't just down your drink and say, "Ok I gotta get going, nice seeing you. " You know? So maybe save all relationship serious talk for the end of the dinner so you can make a quick exit if needed.

 

Are you saying you will actually rather stay in a uncomfortable situation to finish up the dinner you paid for rather than wasting the $XX.XX that the dinner will cost and be free to leave?

[ls707]

For those of you that don't know my story, ex broke up with me 3 months ago, asked for space and said she was confused. Hasn't really stoped contacting me since. Recently her text messages got more and more bizzare and random and I couldn't take anymore of it, so I laid it all out for her, poured my heart out and told her I never stopped loving her, I got replies of I thought you had already moved on, why couldn't you have been this passionate months ago....

 

Anyway, after that talk, I felt that she was actually thinking about us, and 3 days later I get back from a trip and she has sent me an email explainging that she is really confused, her mind is f'd up and that i'm probably better off with out her, and that she felt our relationship was amazing and she was happy but not as happy as she thought she should have been. Which was news to me.

 

I wrote a short but perfect email back explaining to her that I never knew how she felt and that if I knew that was how she felt that we could work on things. I told her that she wasn't a horrible person, she's an amazing person and was/is an amazing girlfriend..I told her that when ever she is ready or wants to talk we can. In person or over the phone.

 

 

Well last night while I was out with some friends I received a text from my ex saying hi, I waited and wrote back and we texted back and forth for a little and then she asked when I would like to talk. I told her whenever works best for her. So she suggested monday, and I replied. Dinner? to which she replied, sure. I'm sure I'll be hungry after work.

 

So she and I are going to meet up after her work tomorrow, and Now I'm kind of flipping out. I don't know what to expect, or what to think!? Why would she want to meet for dinner if she was going to end it for good? A part of me wants to think she wants to try again and that is why she was open to dinner, other wise she would have just called me up and said lets talk and she would have laid it out on the phone. Right?!?

 

What do I do...? How should I act? Do I let her do all the talking? If she says it's over I don't think we can ever work out, do I just get up and leave? What if she strings me along even more?!? What if she says I want to see where things are going to go with this new guy?

 

I don't need the questions running through my head before this talk. I know I need to be as calm and cool and collected as I can be, but SHHIT how the hell is that possible......?!

 

What is bugging me also, is I've read a few stories on here where people meet with their ex's for dinner and it turns out horrible. That is part of the reason I'm feeling like this...

 

so from what i have read and gathered you loved her whilst she was confused and asked for a break or break up for some space to sort out her confusion and left you? And now theres a "new guy" in the picture.

 

you know what; I am gonna tell you exactly what Ill do if this situation faced me; weather you like it or not or wish to take tips and use it is up to you.

 

I would text her back today or early tommorow and tell her that I am not available to make the dinner meeting; due to an unforeseen event or a double booking. I would tell her that I want to talk to her over the phone and see if you can reschedule; to some place less public. Reason I am saying this is because of the possibility of the "good bye" talk and from what you have said your not emotionally strong enough to handle that talk; esp. in a public place could be even more stressful. Hence the reason for canceling the dinner and rescheduling. I would see if I can reschedule to a place less public or even pick her up and talk in the car. This way if she hurts me with her words; I at the least have a place which is not filled with people and i have time to recollect myself and find my way back home. This is of course assuming she breaks my heart with her decision.

 

I would not let her do all the talking. I would let her hear my side of it as well and how i feel about her and my experiences with her. At least in this way I can get some kinda closure if she decides to part ways with me.

 

Also If splitting ways is inevitable I would not just get up and leave. I would finish my dinner; pay for my half and then leave (this is assuming we go with the original dinner plan). If I am unable to eat and too emotionally wrecked; ill get the rest of my serving to go and ill pay for my half and leave \\Anyways thats what i would do.

 

Do not for a moment think that just because you read about situations on LS that turned out for the worst; it automatically means that you will end up in the same situation. And if you do feel like your emotions are getting the best of you while your talking to her at a public place and you are loosing it (such as raising your voice or arguing back and forth or your feel like your going to break down); just stop take a deep breath excuse yourself, visit the rest room, clear your mind and then come back, let her finish and then state your point again in a less aggressive manner.

 

Anyways thats it for me...wish you the best and hope things work out.

[Scorpio13c]

so from what i have read and gathered you loved her whilst she was confused and asked for a break or break up for some space to sort out her confusion and left you? And now theres a "new guy" in the picture.

 

you know what; I am gonna tell you exactly what Ill do if this situation faced me; weather you like it or not or wish to take tips and use it is up to you.

 

I would text her back today or early tommorow and tell her that I am not available to make the dinner meeting; due to an unforeseen event or a double booking. I would tell her that I want to talk to her over the phone and see if you can reschedule; to some place less public. Reason I am saying this is because of the possibility of the "good bye" talk and from what you have said your not emotionally strong enough to handle that talk; esp. in a public place could be even more stressful. Hence the reason for canceling the dinner and rescheduling. I would see if I can reschedule to a place less public or even pick her up and talk in the car. This way if she hurts me with her words; I at the least have a place which is not filled with people and i have time to recollect myself and find my way back home. This is of course assuming she breaks my heart with her decision.

 

I would not let her do all the talking. I would let her hear my side of it as well and how i feel about her and my experiences with her. At least in this way I can get some kinda closure if she decides to part ways with me.

 

Also If splitting ways is inevitable I would not just get up and leave. I would finish my dinner; pay for my half and then leave (this is assuming we go with the original dinner plan). If I am unable to eat and too emotionally wrecked; ill get the rest of my serving to go and ill pay for my half and leave \\Anyways thats what i would do.

 

Do not for a moment think that just because you read about situations on LS that turned out for the worst; it automatically means that you will end up in the same situation. And if you do feel like your emotions are getting the best of you while your talking to her at a public place and you are loosing it (such as raising your voice or arguing back and forth or your feel like your going to break down); just stop take a deep breath excuse yourself, visit the rest room, clear your mind and then come back, let her finish and then state your point again in a less aggressive manner.

 

Anyways thats it for me...wish you the best and hope things work out.

 

I agree with this

 

Scorp

[rapunzel_2000]

Are you saying you will actually rather stay in a uncomfortable situation to finish up the dinner you paid for rather than wasting the $XX.XX that the dinner will cost and be free to leave?

 

No, it's not at all about the money....but if he has ordered food, and it's an uncomfortable situation and he wants to leave, then he has to summon the waiter, get the check, pay the check...this can all take some time. Ultimately it's better to just go for a drink or coffee, but if it's dinner I'm just suggesting he try to wait towards the end of the dinner before getting into any heavy stuff...but hey, it's just one person's humble opinion.

 

[heartoutside]

Thanks for the replies, but I'm wondering how many of you guys know my story from start to finish, or at least have read some of my other posts.

 

I kind of think the idea of calling of the dinner is just another stupid game. I already poured my heart out to her and she reacted in a way I hadn't expected, she got really confused and felt I had moved on already.

 

As for this other guy, they aren't dating, I think he's just getting toyed with as much as I was.

 

She and I had several talks when we first broke up, and she knew how I felt then. When I called her last week and poured my heart out that was the first time i had done that and the first time she really knew how I felt now. Sure when we first broke up, I reacted very emotionally and she did too. But this was the first time she and I talked about us since those first 2 weeks. It's been 3 months.

 

I really don't have much more to say to her. I mean I do, but right now the ball is in her court. After my talking to her last week, where I did most of the talking, she knows how I feel. She may questions about that or my feelings, and I don't know if she even has much to say to me, but I will do the listening and not really react unless I feel the need too. I'm in a good place, I'm not emotional about this like I was way back when. Sure it sucks, but right now it's out of my hands. I never raised my voice at her, to this day, or have gotten violent so I'm not worried about that either.

 

As for just leaving. Well that's easily handled. Just bust out the cash, doesn't matter what the cost is and drop it on the table. I really don't think it will get to that, I'm not that dramatic.

[Cobra_X30]

Hey, I just had a good friend go through this like a year ago.

 

Just a couple quick things you should think about before you do this.

 

Is she worth the risk?

 

It can be an intoxicating ego boost for some girls to get chased by two men. Are you down for a competition?

 

When you meet with her I would suggest being very warm and friendly. Do not talk about yourself unless you have something very positive to add!!! Ask her lots of questions about her... but mix it in the conversation so that she doesnt feel like she is bieng grilled.

 

If the topic never turns to the two of you getting back together... simply ask her if she had put some thought into what you said earlier. If she wants to play confused, ask her what it is she is confused about.

 

It kinda sounds like she didnt realize how much you liked her. Just let her know that you always have and you always did... it's just you were not showing it properly! Thats fixed... right?

[heartoutside]

Well last night I got a text from my ex. Hey heart, I was wondering if we could take a rain check? I have a lot of HW to catch up on. I hope that's ok?

 

I replied a little later with "sure"

 

She replied "are you sure?"

 

and simply wrote back, "yup"

 

and she wrote back "o....k" whatever that means.....

 

 

I'm not sure if this is a good thing a bad thing, or anything. I'm sure she does have a lot of homework, she did last year too. She's also working 25 hours a week at her job plus school full time.

 

FRD150 pointed out that she's confused and this is an easy way for her not to confront anything just yet.

 

As for me not showing how I feel, I totally agree with that, and I know that was a big issue, in hindsight. Which is why I think she was totally taken aback by my phone call last week, it was a side she hadn't seen from me in a long time.

 

I'm not really sure what I should do. I don't want to force this conversation on her, but at the same time it needs to happen. I do know that I will be in NC/VLC, I'm done.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

If she canceled on you, I wouldn't reschedule. I would make it seem like you are too busy for her in your life. It sounds like this meeting will only set you back even further than it already has.

[Pentula77]

Why do girls do this after they have broken up with a guy. Why do they need to "check in" just to make sure they definately have this one hook line and sinker ?

[Pentula77]

Personally guys, if they want another chance make em earn it...if they blow that then they're out for ever.

 

Heart you're girl has had a million chances, walk away.