imadeit Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I have a LONG drawn out story .... short version .. Met a MM through work (2 years ago), he was married .. I was married. Talked all day everyday (except when the W was really paying attention) My XH knew of my MM (friends only of course) but his EW had never heard of me. He was a little more sneaky than I was. Needless to say, I tell my EH that I want a divorce ... he follows and tells his EW he wants one. My D was final in March, his was final in June. My EH called his EW in May and told her that I had been having an affair with her H for a year and half. She flips out, he lies and says it not true that we had just started dating. She has been a major pain in the ASS every since. Everytime I turn around she's talking crap on her blog or to mutal friends. I write it off as jealousy but it's really getting annoying. I want to tell her badly that if she would of taken care of her man and acted like she half way wanted him when they were together that they would probably still be married but I just keep my mouth shut. She gained 100lbs when she was pregnant (their baby was 6months old when we met), never wanted to have sex, is a SLOB as far as housekeeping, and is the most unsocial person you will ever meet ... and thought her H would be happy in that situation? Surely she wasn't that confident. Our R started as a friendship and 6 months later turned into a FULL fledge A. We went through the ups and downs of him "going" to tell her he was leaving (for about 6 months) I was at my wits end and he knew it. Surprise surprise .. he told her and then moved out. So yes, they do leave sometimes and between him and I it's great. I just find myself thinking sometimes .... Do I really want to deal with this jealous negative person for the rest of my life!!
Lyssa Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Hi there Imadeit! I'm glad that so far, things are going well except the part about your MM's XW. You're doing a good job right now, not saying anything. She'll probably stop doing whatever she's doing now sooner or later.
allegra1971 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I agree, I think you should just hang in there and keep quiet. And I'm glad things are good for you, gives the rest of us hope!
CAT100 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I want to tell her badly that if she would of taken care of her man and acted like she half way wanted him when they were together that they would probably still be married but I just keep my mouth shut. So yes, they do leave sometimes and between him and I it's great. I just find myself thinking sometimes .... Do I really want to deal with this jealous negative person for the rest of my life!! Hi & welcome to LS! Firstly, Im really happy that everything has worked out for you I would say do NOT say anything negative or nasty to her at all! I know you might want to but dont. She is the mother of his kids & she could make it very difficult for him (and in the future, you) to have involvement with his kids if you and her are at each others throats. You have to rise above it & be dignified & calm. Dont engage in any arguments or bitching with, or about her. And dont ever slag her off to him, he has left her and is now with you but he might not like to hear you saying derogatory things about the mother of his children. As for dealing with her for the rest of you life, she'll calm down. It may take time but she'll move on at some point. She may meet someone else or just enjoy being single but after a while she'll lose interest in bitching about you. In the meantime you just have to bit your tongue & accept that she is going to be difficult for a while. Leave her to it, it wont last forever. Good luck!
norajane Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Take the high road. Especially because he has a child with her, and that child will be in your life forever if you end up marrying him. Kill her with kindness and show that child that there are better ways to handle problems than with vindictive behavior. And find a little compassion for his ex-wife. She just found out her H was having an affair while they were married. Whatever their problems were, lying and cheating wasn't the right way for him to handle his problems (same with you). Of course she feels betrayed, and the fact he's still lying to her about it, is just going to upset her more since she knows he's lying, really. He's still not handling this well - honesty will go a lot further than piling up more lies. So, if you can understand a little of what she's feeling, you can make it through this period while her anger is so fresh and she's acting out. I know it goes against the grain to find compassion and treat her kindly, but it's best not to add insult to the injury because you ultimately want your bf to end up with a decent relationship with his ex so all of you can have a good relationship with the child. It's going to take his ex some time to get over this.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I want to tell her badly that if she would of taken care of her man and acted like she half way wanted him when they were together that they would probably still be married but I just keep my mouth shut.LOL You'd better take your own advice...no slipping up. Don't get ill for a long period of time or have a medical condition that will prevent you from jumping around like a trained seal for this prize you've won. You'll have to be on your game constantly, pleasing this guy every CHANCE you get, or he'll just go shopping again for yet another replacement. And for the love of all that is holy, don't gain weight. You'll seal your fate. My, what a lucky girl you are. I hope you're not feeling TOO much pressure knowing the minute you slip up, he'll be out shopping. Again.So yes, they do leave sometimes and between him and I it's great.Until he pulls the same crap on you. I'd love to hear your opinion of how 'great' you think a man deserting his wife is - when it's you.I just find myself thinking sometimes .... Do I really want to deal with this jealous negative person for the rest of my life!!You knew what you were getting when you bought the ticket for this ride. And you chose to buy it anyway. Hey, maybe one day you and his ex-wife will be best of friends and can both talk about how he did you wrong after he replaces you.Good luck with that.
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Put the children first and make sure his ex knows that is what is most important. His ex is always going to be a part of your lives so you have to learn to rise above it and be abit understanding and show sympathy for her. She lost her husband to you, so yeah, she's probably upset and still feels hurt by it all. Obviously she eventually has a choice to make as well - Accept things as they are, and make the best of it. Maybe one day you two will have enough respect for eachother to be friendly for the kids sake.
4whatItsWorth Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 She gained 100lbs when she was pregnant (their baby was 6months old when we met), never wanted to have sex, is a SLOB as far as housekeeping, and is the most unsocial person you will ever meet ... and thought her H would be happy in that situation? Surely she wasn't that confident. I'm sure she had no confidence. Overweight, baby...hubby becoming more distant---oh yeah that gives such confidence boosts! Wow, congratulations on getting a man who has an affair ASAP the woman who gives birth to his baby becomes overweight. Congrats for the guy who, instead of helping his wife with the baby so that she can loose weight, insteaf of loving her - has a full-blown affair! Wow, I'm so jelaous of you. p.s. Be nice to her.
lovernotafighter Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 hey nay sayers people fall out of love everyday, why are you all over her for her MM leaving his wife? the affair started because the marriage was already in chaos, it blows my mind when people think staying with someone for all the wrong reasons is a good thing because of a vow, obviously these vows were breaking down long before the affair for both parties, things are never that cut and dry folks. she asked a question, if your going to post in her thread why don't you answer her question or not post in it at all? so that being said I better do the same, or you people will be all over me like white on rice :-P I will agree with one thing this poster above me said, be nice to his wife okay, she is dealing with a tons of crap right now and that would be hard for any of us, show her some compassion and think how she must feel. but here's the thing, while you are doing so you still have to think of your self right? when you take on this relationship you have to take the bad with the good that includes all of MM's past. I always have said and am fully aware that I am getting the white bread of my MM in this relationship, I know that. he has been wanting to make a life with me now and that means I have to take the crumbs to not only that, but he comes with all the trappings of a broken marriage to boot. for me that isnt something I can do and am looking to get out with out hurting his family or mine further..you have allot to think about, good luck
precious1357 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I need help. Have been seeing MM for a year, we get along great. I know his wife, they have been married for a long time, however she does not believe in sex any more (God told her). We started out just talking and things have just blossomed. Recently, she called me to see what was if anything was going on between us. I totally denied any involvement however now she says people have seen his car in my neighborhood. She does not want him at all and have told him so on numerous occasions, totally disrespects him in public, but she does not want anyone to have him. I'm not up to any aggravation and just want to be done with the whole thing...
brownsugah Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 You should just ignore her, but don't be mad at her for being mad. Regardless what the state of there marriage was, you were sleeping with him while she was still his wife. Of course she's going to be pissed. When he makes up some excuse too leave you for another woman, you're going to be pissed off too.
VIP Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 If he didn't like his wife, why did he have a child with her? It's so disgusting when men start to have affairs right after their baby is born. Is that a sign of immaturity? And to leave his wife with a small baby, can he even be called a man after that?
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