aimzy Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I don't really know how to explain how i got this but i was told by my counseller and it is called Body Dysmorphic Disporder and its really fustrating me and on the edge of killing my relationship with my fiance and i feel guilty for hurting him aswell. I realy hate my body and i always compare to other womens body as i think there better looking women out there and wonder why my fiance is with me when there are better girls out there.:-( When i get told im beautiful/sexy/good looking and all good things like that i can't seem to believe. ive never been happy with myself and i have so hatred with myself and even with past troubles i think i was made to be hurt. i even hurt my fiance that much by saying you like her and u wana be with her and at first he was reassuring and now he finds it hard and he once sed well i might aswell like her and made me feel that bad ive even hated myself that much i think that i am that bad. just want to be beautiful and feel good about myself. ive tried reassuring myself saying i dont look that bad and i am all the good things ive typed and that makes it feel worse being told all the nice things, i dont take compliments very well. if neone has same probs i wud appreciate it if u shared with me or neone with advice coz i feel bad right now :-(
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Aimzy, I read your other post too, and the first thing I would suggest you do is to see another therapist. All that your counsellor did was give you a book about your problem and ask you to read it. That won't help you at all. See another therapist who can discuss your problem with you and help you deal with it / overcome it. Other than that, I can only give you the standard advice - don't keep comparing yourself to other women. Being beautiful is not the most important thing, by far. And no matter how good you look, there will always be someone who's better looking. It becomes a tiresome competition with no real reward. Take care of the way you look, eat right and exercise. Pay attention to the way you dress. That's all you need to do as far as physical appearance is concerned. You're lucky to be with a man who values you for who you are. That's not easy to find - most men do place a lot of value on looks, even though they may say otherwise. So, be happy with what you already have - and work on maintaining that, instead of constantly comparing and feeling inadequate.
Road Rage Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 TTSP I will have to say that virtually all women place a lot of value on looks also. It is just that they are more likely to make exceptions when the guy has enough education, money, power and other accruments of success. Men just don`t place that much value on those other things in women therefore looks do tend to take a greater precedence. But, nevertheless, let an extremely handsome man come along and I will guarantee you a woman will jump his bones the equivalent of any guy would an attractive woman. On this matter men are very much negatively stereotyped.
Trialbyfire Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 OP, I don't know enough about BDD and don't have it, so I looked it up. Here's an article from the MayoClinic which addresses this disorder: Treatment for body dysmorphic disorder may involve a combined approach involving medication and talk therapy (psychotherapy). Antidepressant medications used along with cognitive behavior therapy can help people with body dysmorphic disorder manage the obsession and anxiety about their appearance, increase confidence in how they look, and obtain normalcy in their social and work lives. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/body-dysmorphic-disorder/DS00559
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Aha...we're touching upon a much-discussed, quasi-sensitive topic here... This isn't exactly what the OP is asking to be discussed, but since it is out here, I'll spout off my opinion. I will have to say that virtually all women place a lot of value on looks also. It is just that they are more likely to make exceptions when the guy has enough education, money, power and other accruments of success. I agree and disagree at the same time. I disagree about looks being a high priority for women. I haven't seen women place a lot of importance on the guy's looks - proportionately speaking. Guys, on the other hand, are much more visual. I agree about the part where you say that having education, money, and power will make up for the lack of looks in a guy. Those three are women-attracting factors, and women will tend to fall for those regardless of how the man looks. Not saying that looks are entirely unimportant for women - they just don't figure as high up in the "must-have" list. Let's just say that for men, their bargaining power lies in their money and success; for women, it lies in the way they look. That's a generalization, I understand, but nevertheless, one with valid reason for its existence. On this matter men are very much negatively stereotyped. Perhaps. But like I said, this "stereotype" comes from substantial real cause to generate it. Where there's smoke, there's a fire.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Aimzy, seek another therapist - one who can really help you discuss and deal with the problem. I still don't get why he would just diagnose the problem and then give you a book about it to read. And to think you're paying him for that!
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 money, and power will make up for the lack of looks in a guy. Those three are women-attracting factors, and women will tend to fall for those regardless of how the man looks. Those kind of woman are called 'Gold Diggers" and as far as that making up for guys looks to have a woman attracted as a true friend and lover....Bullsh*t... OP...may I P/M you?
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 BTW this type of thing is caused by society drilling into the brain that any flaw in appearance is a reason to make a person feel unattractive by loud mouth,morons. It's no diagnosed bullsh*t disease or whatever...it is society in it's dumb loud mouth idiots that should be kicked in the head.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Those kind of woman are called 'Gold Diggers" and as far as that making up for guys looks to have a woman attracted as a true friend and lover....Bullsh*t... OP...may I P/M you? I never said anything about "true friends and lovers". I actually dislike these discussions, you always get quoted out of context and things are never put in perspective.
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I never said anything about "true friends and lovers" So I am assuming that you are saying the three qualities(over looks in a man) attract woman that ummm....just wanna what?/....get laid...live well...ummm....gold dig? If a lady falls for a man for the reason to have a relationship and to be his best friend...it takes ALOT more than money, power, and whatever.. To have someone truly attracted to you...it must have a physical and mental attraction... Without those qualities... no amount of money or pwer can produce A true connection and lasting relationship. I just believe that a woman is not truly into the guy regardless of looks if he just has money or whatever...thats why I call them "gold Diggers"
Author aimzy Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 anyone can PM me of course, and im not a gold digger so why that has entered my topic i dont know. if there was a good looking man better than my fiance then that wud be a lie coz i wudnt and never have found ne other man attractive so not all women are the same. ive been told to wait till that therapist to contact me so my GP says. i was expecting nice comments but now i dont no wat to think bout this topic and in some ways i wished i'd never written it:-(. i just wish i had someone to relate to and i hope there is some people on here that can. thanks for reply peeps
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 anyone can PM me of course, and im not a gold digger so why that has entered my topic i dont know. if there was a good looking man better than my fiance then that wud be a lie coz i wudnt and never have found ne other man attractive so not all women are the same. ive been told to wait till that therapist to contact me so my GP says. i was expecting nice comments but now i dont no wat to think bout this topic and in some ways i wished i'd never written it:-(. i just wish i had someone to relate to and i hope there is some people on here that can. thanks for reply peeps I apologize for not giving helpful advice to you on this thread, and this is a subject I do relate to. I'm sensitive to this , and probablt =y should of left things alone. Again I apologize, and I hope things will feel better for you.
purpleplanet Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I was diagnosed with BDD also, and it was very difficult - and very worth it - to overcome. One thing that helped me was thinking about how, even if I was ugly, did that make me worthless? I thought about people I knew that were not as attractive as others, and so what? Just because you were not dealt the hot chick card, does that make you any less of a person? It does not. It is easier to make small steps, not just jump from "I'm ugly" to "I'm beautiful" in one therapy session. I'm still a little uncomfortable with compliments, but things DO get better. You have to work on it though. Do you judge others by their appearance only? Most people who are worth your time do not, so don't worry about if if you are not the vision of perfection.
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