Suicide: Reality or Abnormal?

[confused2007]

I was making a lot of progress on myself to counteract the depression.

 

Now, I prob think about suicide 4 or 5 times a week. I've had a few drinks before I wrote this otherwise I would never even consider talking about it. I wouldn't actually do it, just thoughts that run through my mind.

 

I'm just so f-ing tired of all the f-ing pain life has caused me. That's all life is. F-ing pain. Sadness, frusteration, depression, dissapointment, etc. I don't get excitement out of anything anymore. I don't get happy about anything anymore. The only thing I'm able to feel is pain and sadness.

 

I'll prob check tom to see if anyone replied.

 

I'm really not going to do anything crazy. Just thoughts that I have

[oppath]

I have to vote abnormal. I have been there. The only thing that has prevented me from taking my life on several occasions has been the guilt that I would hurt others deeply: my family and friends.

 

Are you seeking therapy? Even "non-serious" thoughts about suicide are serious. It doesn't mean you are at risk, but it does mean you are thinking irrational. Cut down on the alcohol, and get into therapy. In fact, group therapy can be especially powerful for someone in your situation because you meet other people with similar pains, and that is empowering.

[Ocean-Blue]

I was making a lot of progress on myself to counteract the depression.

 

Now, I prob think about suicide 4 or 5 times a week. I've had a few drinks before I wrote this otherwise I would never even consider talking about it. I wouldn't actually do it, just thoughts that run through my mind.

 

I'm just so f-ing tired of all the f-ing pain life has caused me. That's all life is. F-ing pain. Sadness, frusteration, depression, dissapointment, etc. I don't get excitement out of anything anymore. I don't get happy about anything anymore. The only thing I'm able to feel is pain and sadness.

 

I'll prob check tom to see if anyone replied.

 

I'm really not going to do anything crazy. Just thoughts that I have

 

You say you were making a lot of progress to deal with the depression. Did something happen to steer you off your course?

 

I'm sorry you feel so down at the moment. In the event things get really scary, is there anyone you can call (you know, to come over and sit with you while the feeling passes)?

 

The fact that you're writing your feelings down via this forum is a good thing - it means you do want to get better (that you have not reached the depths of despair...you are NOT at a point of no return).

 

I look forward to reading your follow up posts!

[Curious139]

I've been there very recently and still have bad moments. It sounds like you are clinically depressed which means you should see a doctor and a counsellor. Talking is very helpful.

 

I'd suggest that you feel like you want to be dead, which isn't quite the same as being suicidal, thank goodness. Mostly that's how I felt with occasional thoughts about actually doing it.

 

My strategy was that I wanted to die, but couldn't leave a legacy of suicide for my children, friends and family. It can affect them for a lifetime. I also didn't want to leave a mystery - such as disappearing from a beach etc. There needs to be a body for family closure.

 

Car accident? That leaves a mess, awful for police etc. Basically I wanted to die by "accident" but with the minimum of trauma and fuss for everyone else. Intact body, looks like just bad luck.

 

Sorry this is so morbid but I'm trying to show that I've been through the desperate pain you are feeling and you are not alone. Basically my strategy made suicide so difficult that I couldn't come up with a plausible plan. So I kept going day by day and now I'm just past it after 2 1/2 months. All for lost love...........

 

Honestly you need support and I strongly advise professional help. I take anti-depressants and they really help. So does exercise and talking to a trusted friend.

 

To answer your question, no your thinking isn't normal. Your brain isn't functioning properly. Accept that and you are on the road upward. I can say that because looking back from today I know what I was thinking and doing wasn't me at all.

 

I'm thinking of you. Please take care.

[angel v]

i was feeling the same a few weeks ago. i still have moments, but they are much fewer. my worst time is on awakening in the morning, i remember my reality as a single mama now and the 'new woman' etc and i feel sick and want to die.

 

i have taped to my bedroom wall 5 questions, and i make myself answer them with real feeling every morning.

 

you can choose your own questions, mine are:

 

what is something i am grateful for in my life now?

what are 2 achievements in my life i feel great about?

what is something i feel fulfilled about in my life?

in what way do i feel supported in my life?

what can i do to make today really exciting?

 

on good days i have grand answers. no matter how bad the day you can find an answer though. even if it is simply gratitude for having slept in a warm bed, rather than the footpath! or being able to choose your favourite meal/activity for the day. or being supported by the clean air and water and abundant food.

 

it really helps when you make yourself do it everyday. start to focus on the little things that make life truly awesome.

 

curious139, that is what i came to also, lack of a decent, workable plan! well i came up with one but it is so complicated & difficult to arrange i doubt i would ever bother!

[confused2007]

You say you were making a lot of progress to deal with the depression. Did something happen to steer you off your course?

 

I'm sorry you feel so down at the moment. In the event things get really scary, is there anyone you can call (you know, to come over and sit with you while the feeling passes)?

 

The fact that you're writing your feelings down via this forum is a good thing - it means you do want to get better (that you have not reached the depths of despair...you are NOT at a point of no return).

 

I look forward to reading your follow up posts!

 

Nothing really steered me off course. I have improved myself a great deal. But I still cannot make myself happy. The only person I would talk to about my feelings is my ex. I actually called her over last night and talked to her shortly about this. She didn't really have any advice for me though.

[confused2007]

I've been there very recently and still have bad moments. It sounds like you are clinically depressed which means you should see a doctor and a counsellor. Talking is very helpful.

 

I'd suggest that you feel like you want to be dead, which isn't quite the same as being suicidal, thank goodness. Mostly that's how I felt with occasional thoughts about actually doing it.

 

My strategy was that I wanted to die, but couldn't leave a legacy of suicide for my children, friends and family. It can affect them for a lifetime. I also didn't want to leave a mystery - such as disappearing from a beach etc. There needs to be a body for family closure.

 

Car accident? That leaves a mess, awful for police etc. Basically I wanted to die by "accident" but with the minimum of trauma and fuss for everyone else. Intact body, looks like just bad luck.

 

Sorry this is so morbid but I'm trying to show that I've been through the desperate pain you are feeling and you are not alone. Basically my strategy made suicide so difficult that I couldn't come up with a plausible plan. So I kept going day by day and now I'm just past it after 2 1/2 months. All for lost love...........

 

Honestly you need support and I strongly advise professional help. I take anti-depressants and they really help. So does exercise and talking to a trusted friend.

 

To answer your question, no your thinking isn't normal. Your brain isn't functioning properly. Accept that and you are on the road upward. I can say that because looking back from today I know what I was thinking and doing wasn't me at all.

 

I'm thinking of you. Please take care.

 

So you did get through these feelings?

 

I'm not taking drugs and I exercise 6-7x a week.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

Oh wow, I would like to give you a hug because I've known these feelings before. Not due to any relationship, just due to having a chemical imbalance. Regardless of what was going on in my life, there was a time that I felt down about everything. I've been taking meds for awhile and they've really helped. I also have to do the whole physical exercise thing, which it sounds as if you're doing. Congrats on that...that really does make a difference, I think. Also, sometimes it's helpful to talk to someone face to face about how you're feeling. I sincerely wish you all the best...

[Curious139]

So you did get through these feelings?

 

I'm not taking drugs and I exercise 6-7x a week.

 

Yes I got through the really bad feelings but it wasn't easy. I needed a lot of help. The SSRI drug, counselling, doctor, my wonderful wife (whom I'd wronged), going for walks, a very good friend to whom I could talk, and work.

 

Slowly the pain eased although it took two months and now I still feel depressed especially in the weekends but I can also see a future. That simply didn't exist previously. I felt like my life had ended.

 

You need support. This isn't something you should struggle with alone. Being among people really helps because we can spark off their energy and be distracted from our thoughts.

 

Be strong and know that we have been there too. Your brain chemistry isn't balanced and SSRIs do help.