Marianne Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 I have started to date this guy who is really attracted to me. At first I wasn't sure if I like him that way, but now I find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to be in bed with him... I told him I didn't want to rush anything and he said he wasn't going to push me, that he'd wait. Two days ago I we had coffee together and talked for a few hours, sitting kind of close up. I had a family dinner appointment so I couldn't stay long. He walked me to my car and we hugged and I knew he wanted to kiss me on the lips, but I couldn't do it for some reason, so I kissed him on the cheek. I made an excuse that I didn't want to do something when I'm in a rush and he replied jokingly, "I'll take a rain check on that one." I don't know how to tell this to him, but it is impossible for me to kiss a man on the lips if I'm not in love with him. I can do other things, like fondling, caressing, ect. but not the mouth kiss! It doesn't mean I don't find him attractive, but its really too early on for me to feel comfortable with something like that. Is this common for women? The next time should I just tell him (explain) that I can't do that yet because he seems understanding enough. He hasn't called me since Wednesday when I saw him and I'm wondering if I put him off by not responding? Yet on the other hand I remember having told him that I didn't want to loose my focus this week because I had to study for university exams, so he might just be giving me space. Should I call him? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 [color=indigo] I don't believe that it is all that common for women to only want to kiss men who they are in love with. I think it is more common for women to only want to have sex with someone they are in love with. Kissing is a very initmate act and I am only comfortable kissing someone who I have some sort of emotional connection with, but I don't have to be in love with them, but to each his/her own. That's how you are, so be it. This guy might not understand your stance right away only because it isn't all that common and he might get the wrong idea. Universally, I think kissing is a way to express to the person you're kissing that you have feelings for them beyond a friendship level so chances are he won't understand. Call him, if you'd like. I think it's best that you explain to him as soon as possible about your stance on kissing. That way when you are in a position to kiss again, it won't be so akward and he won't get hurt when you tell him no. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Marianne Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 Before I got into the car he asked me a question which I didn't really understand due to his accent and I repeated to him, " Did you say 'do you want my balls?'" I was trying to be funny. He laughed and said, "Oh, you have a dirty mind!" HE was asking me something else that sounded like balls. and I laughed and said "no, that's okay." Do you think this might have put him off?? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 [color=indigo] The fact that he laughed after you said that, tells me that that probably didn't put him off. Guys tend to love girls with perverted minds since theirs are equally perverted. I think 99% of us have perverted tendencies anyway. It is just a matter of who feels comfortable expressing that side of themselves. Don 't feel so insecure about yourself and your relationship with him. Just go with the flow and see what happens and remember to always be yourself. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Marianne Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 Well I followed your advice and called him Friday and he asked what I was doing later in the day, so I came over to his place after work...had a bad headache and he suggested I lie down in one of the beds in his house, and he said he also wanted to rest for a while because he was tired. I got nervous and told him that I knew that if we ended up in the same bedroom together things could happen and I wasn't sure I was ready for this and he told me we didn't have to be in the same room even. He ended up asking if I wanted a massage to help my headache, so I agreed and went to his bedroom to lie down...as soon as he started touching me I became really excited and aroused to the point of being afraid of my feelings. Anyhow, somehow we ended up in the same bed- with clothes on- and he caressed and fondled me. He told me he would go at my pace and we wouldn't do anything I didn't want. At a certain point he asked me if I wanted to have children ever and I said I wasn't opposed to it, then I asked him (he already had a teenage daughter) and he said he would like to. When I first met him I swear to God he said he was 42 (me, I'm 33) but when I said "you must have been really young when you got married" he said, "no, I'm 49 going on 50 soon," I just want to know what you think of this situation. I like it and it feels good to me. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 [color=indigo] I would be careful with this situation. He is obviously taking this at a faster pace then you'd like. You're attracted to him but do you want to sleep with him? I will assume you haven't kissed him yet, since you aren't in love with him? It sounds to me like he definitely wants to bring things to the next level. I would suggest you tell him your reservations, including the whole kissing/love aspect of things and see what he says. The end result is basically up to you and what you want. So ask yourself if going forward with this is something you'd like to do. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Marianne Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 I talked to him about how I wasn't comfortable kissing on the lips with a person I wasn't yet in love with and he understood and said," when I think about it you're right. I would even have sex with someone before kissing them on the lips." I agreed with him too, but this didn't prevent him from urging me to take of my stockings, which I categorically refused to to because I knew where things would lead to. He respected this decision. One thing I'm not sure of. He doesn't really talk much. I asked him what the status was and he said, "I'm just taking it one day at a time." Then I asked him if he dated other women, and he told me he had nobody else and that once we had sex we would become "exclusive". I interrupted him, saying "IF we have sex!" I asked him if he was a jealous type and he said that if we were exculsive he would expect me to me the same and not to go over to a male's place. I said, "What about my male friends that I've known for years and years? You wouldn't even want me to go to visit them?" and he didn't really answer, so I answered for him saying, "Well we're not at that point yet so theres no sense in talking about all this." NOw he has a male friend visiting him/staying with him from out of town and he seems a bit distant on the phone. I wonder what that means. HE doesn't seem like the 'player' type at all, but do you think I should be cautious all the same? WHat about the age difference? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 my worry would be this: "we will be exclusive once we have sex" why the hell is sex the turning point? i think if somebody takes you seriously, they'll be ready to be exclusive before sex. about the age diff-ce ... i think it depends on how many other differences that creates. is he fit enough to enjoy the same physical hobbies? is he healthy enough to raise another kid? etc. just some thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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