what's going on?

[alwayshurt]

first of all many thanks to all of you who will read these post and maybe give me some hints.

I met this girl three months ago. She is married but pratically separated in house. Based of what she told me she is not happy with her marriage situation and want to separate. We hooked up right away and had really good time together to the point I fell in love with her. But because of her situation and my feelings I had told her to stay away and solve her problems first because I did not want to get hurt. She always came back to me saying that she loved me very much and that with her husband was over. Lately, she went on a trip to visit her family. Before she left I repeated to her my concern and told her to leave me alone. But she did not want to give up and once again she told me she loved me more than anything else. I fell for it and told her the same (because I really feel it). She left and few days later she called me from her home town telling me how much she loved me, that she missed me very much and could not wait for the time to come back. A week later, I sent her an email asking how she was and that I missed her. She replied me with much coldness and distance telling me that she was having so much fun there and did not want to come back, without using any of those sweet words she had used just few days earlier. For the next couple of weeks absolute silence but I know she wrote a friend of her. Right away I understood that something was not right. I stopped writing her. The very same day she came back she called me but I did not answer the phone. The following day same thing and this time she left a message asking me to call her back. I didn't but few days later I sent her an email explaining the reason of my behaviour and how hurt I was from reading her cold email and the way she disappeared after all the words of love she had told me before she had left and the first time she called me from there. I also told her not to write and tell me anything else to avoid me other pains and that I wanted to move on and forget about this negative episode. Since then I haven't heard from her. I know that she is still with her husband but don't know in what situation. I decided to disappear from her but I still do love her and cannot think about anything else other than her. Did I do the right thing? Did I rush too much in conclusions? Does her beavhiour mean something?

 

 

Thanks,

[Diplok]

You did the right thing. Let her sort her life first. Stay away.

 

Good job on making the right choice before thing got even more serious.

[alwayshurt]

Ok...part 2.

She called me again asking (almost begging) to meet with her and I decided to do so. We spoke and I told her that I was really hurt from her disappearing. She said that that was a stupid email and that she loves me and bla bal bla. She also told me that while she was there she met a guy and she kissed him. This guy asked her to stay there and he would marry her but she told him she was in love with somebody else (me) (these were her own words...of course). I told her that she needs to sort out her life and decide what she wants to do and that I had no interest in being with her. She was upset that night. We were together in my place but there was no sexual intercourse (there's never been. she keeps on telling me that until she is not divorced she won't do it.) We were just kissing and have good time. She said she always has good time when she is with me and how much she likes me as person. I left her at home and NC is back on. I haven't called/emailed her in 3 days neither did she.

I don't know what to think or do. I need advices...possibly from a woman to try to understand this beavhiour. Thanks a lot

[alwayshurt]

I saw her at work three days ago and first she was surprised to see me but there was no much talk. The same night I wrote her an email telling her not to be a stanger to me and that there was at least the possibility to be friends. She replies saying that after last night spent together she does not know what she is to me anymore. She said she kicked her husband out of the house and that she so down and does not want to talk to anybody. She said she'll be my best friend and I will be her valentine (I guess she took it from a song). I called her the same night but she said she could not talk. Today she called me telling me she could not talk because she was having an important conversation with her husband. They both agrred they cannt live together anymore. She also told me about her plans to move out. She said she wants to share a place with her friends' boyfriend because she said it's better if she moves with a man....she feels more secure. I cut the call short and told her I had to go.

 

I really don't know what to think. Do I have any chance? Can anybody give me some advice? I am going crazy. I will keep the NC but I would like to understand what all this means. Please give me some advice. Thanks.

[Diplok]

This woman has too much emotional baggage to sort out before she can fully commit to a relationship. Do you really want someone like that? No.

 

Stay away!!!

[alwayshurt]

I am trying with all my strenght to stay away but it is not an easy task. Fisrt I just moved to a new city and don't know anybody except for her or her friends (was the firts person I met -----lucky me!!!!!). Second I feel very depressed now and when I feel like this I am not able to be with other people hence the possibility to move on. Third I am too much into it that cannot stop thinking of her. God knows how I have been able to keep the NC and spending long nights sitting in my room doing nothing or be in front of this computer.

When I still was in a status of mind that I could handle the breakup I asked her many times to stay away from me becuase I loved her and did not want to get hurt. I don't understand why she had to tell me all those nice words and then disappear --- to then appear and disappear again. You must be really cruel to to this thing to somebody you know has strong feelings for you. Feels like being kicked on your bloody face after you have been KO by a punch. It really sucks. I am so depressed right know. F...K!!

[alwayshurt]

Any advice is greatly appreciated....

 

I saw her today (we work in the same building). If you read the above, she was the one calling me last time and was me to cut her short. I have kept NC since then. I was in the hall and I knew she was behind me. To go to her office she took a different isle, like she wanted to avoid me. When She showed up from the other side I called her. She jumped right back and looking at me her face was all red and she looked agitated and nervous. I asked her if she was hiding from me. She said (of course) no. I asked her how she was doing (she recently broke up with her husband) and she gave me a thumb up (I did the same to her when I saw her few days erlier than her last phone call and she asked me how I was doing). I asked her to call me and tell me the story. She said ok and left.

 

Is it really over? or do you think she may still want to be with me and because I have maintained distance she is doing the same. Last time we saw each other I was really cold to her and she was sad. She said she loves me and I said I loved her too. But when I left her home during the car ride she was asking me why I was so distant from her. I said I wasn't but really I was trying to show her the opposite of what I really feel. When she called me last time she was telling me her plan of moving out but after 5 min of conv I said I had another call which I had to take and said I was going to call her later. She said don't call me I am going out. I will call you (never did). Was it a mistake this NC? Should I have been more sympathetic considering what she is going thru with this separation? I am so confused and don't know what to think or do. Please help.