Saxis Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 So, my post in the Divorce forum must've been completely deleted. I posted in it just the other day, and now it's gone. I decided to start again here, because I don't see us ever getting back together, and now I'm not so sure I'm coping as well as I thought... Anyway, the STBXW and our daughter is in CA right now, about 1200 miles away. I told her that I didn't want contact with her about a week ago. I just can't handle it right now. Today she got a webcam so I could see and talk to our daughter. I saw my X for the first time tonight since they left, and I had a hard time keeping myself together. Didn't talk to her other than us setting it up so we could see/hear each other OK. She looked just too damn good! Still the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on. I kept myself from breaking down, but our daughter could see right through me! She's only 3, and asked if I was sad... This still hurts like hell, but I gave up on us trying to work it out. I just can't fully trust her anymore. I have been talking to a woman I met online, and tomorrow she is coming with her kids to meet me for the first time. I was going to take them up to the lake, have lunch, go hiking and just have a fun day. I'm not so sure anymore. She considers it a date, and I'm just not in the position to do that quite yet. I need to tell her this before it goes any further, but I think it would be fun to still go tomorrow. I need to get out anyway.... I'm just venting here, but any opinions or help would be appreciated. I'm gonna head to the store for more tonic. I sense that a few G&T's will be had tonight!
Izzy B Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 It's not a date if she's bringing her kids.
Touche Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Just tell her you just need a friend now. That's what my H said to me when we first met and I was so recently separated from my ex-H. It took a lot of pressure off of me. Of course it turned into more than a friendship, and rather quickly I might add. We recently celebrated our 12th anniversary. Oh, and he used to bring his son with him to my apt. He'd bring a pizza and I'd help his son with his homework. And we'd all talk and laugh together. I didn't think of it as a date. Just a friend coming over with his kid. You'll make it through. Hang in there. We're all here for you.
Author Saxis Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 It's not a date if she's bringing her kids. I didn't think so either... That's why when we were setting it up I asked her to bring her kids, because they would have fun. Then talking about it the other night, she explicitly called it a date... Kinda freaked me out a bit!
Touche Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 I didn't think so either... That's why when we were setting it up I asked her to bring her kids, because they would have fun. Then talking about it the other night, she explicitly called it a date... Kinda freaked me out a bit! That's silly though. I mean I know as a woman, if I set a lunch appointment for example, with a friend (a girlfriend) I'll say "It's a date!" It doesn't mean anything really. I agree with Izzy. This isn't really a "date." Relax.
directx Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you keep it as just spending time with her and her kids. Give it a shot
get.mos Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Just tell her you just need a friend now. agreed. i imagine you informed your friend of your situation. if she has any concern for you, she'll completely understand. i don't think many people are interested in getting involved in a "rebound" relationship. my thoughts go out to you, dahling.
Author Saxis Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 Thanks all... the G&T's are starting to set in now, and I'm feeling much better! Perhaps you are all correct. The girl I'm seeing has also been separated for 2 months, and only waiting for her X to sign the papers. It's a bit different situation than your regular "dating" though. She's Russian, and lives in a Russian community, in which they usually marry very young and as virgins. Since she's obviously no longer one, her only hope to finding another husband is an American guy... She's told me this, and said she's "searching" for a husband. Almost too forward for me at this point, but I sympathize in her situation: X was cheating on her, banished from community, she's raising 2 kids which he now wants nothing to do with etc... Just a horrible story. She knows my story, as we went through all the "X bashing rituals", or whatever! Hah! Anyway, I'm pretty darn sure she's considering this a date, as she's also looking for a father figure for her children. I'm scared that I will hurt her, even though we've never met... I think I'm pretty well prepared for the "I'm not ready, but we can be friends..." talk. I'm just really not ready for even a dating relationship.
Author Saxis Posted September 17, 2007 Author Posted September 17, 2007 I'm feeling alot better now! My STBX messaged me yesterday morning out of the blue, saying that she was very sick. I instantly became worried about her, so I called to let her know that she still has insurance through my work if she needed to go to a doctor. My anger just completely disappeared and I feel so much better for talking to her. We messaged a bit this morning too, and I actually got a "Thank-you" and "I miss you" out of her, and now I'm feeling kinda energetic and happy about us getting along at least a little bit. The emotions are still a roller-coaster ride, but I prefer this feeling much more over being sad and depressed about it. It takes an immense amount of energy to be angry/sad, and that is no way to get over someone. The sooner I realize that I'll always care about her, the sooner I can move on...
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