katty774 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I haven't posted in a while, matter of fact I was just giving myself a good pat on the back this morning about how I seem to take break ups, etc. so much better these days. Figured just maybe I had finally been thru enough that it didn't affect me anymore, boy was I wrong, I am now posting and crying like a crazed idiot. My ex and I have been broken up for some time and unlike most break ups our's was pretty tame. We still talked on occassions and get together about once or twice a month. I always figured he was dating someone else and I was always honest about my dating again. Well he called on Thursday and wanted to come over, I told him no. He called on Friday and wanted to come over and I was really tired and so I said No. Well he called on Tuesday and we made plans for Wed. night. He spent the night, and I know this is wrong and I am sure I will get lots of lectures but so far it really hasn't been a problem. We had a good time together, well he tried calling me on Thurs. but I didn't get back to him until today. Well when I called him back a girl answered his phone and said he was in the store, she then told me she was his girlfriend Mindy could she help me. I said no thank you and hung up. I know I have no right to be upset, I have no right to be mad or even cry but try and tell that to my shaking body. I was mostly disappointed bc I even ask him on Wed. if he was dating anyone and he said NO. I said come on you don't really expect me to believe that you aren't seeing anyone after all this time and he said no all I do is work. Well my emotions were a little out of whack after the phone call so I gave it about 15 minutes (time for him to get out of the store) and I text him a short message that went something like "I was just calling to tease you about leaving the condom wrappers all over the bedroom but obviously you have been busier than you have led me to believe. I wish you had not lied to me. Have fun with Mindy" Ok I know the text was immature and I should not have sent it but I was just so upset at the moment I wasn't thinking. All I could think about is how he had lied to me and I wanted him to know that I knew. It doesn't matter because I obviously wasn't anything more than a booty call to him. I feel like a cheap piece of trash now and also I keep thinking about how awful it would be to be his girlfriend right now. It made me think that he probably cheated on me when we were bf and gf. We dated for 2 years but even after it was over I felt ok because I have gotten thru worse endings. Remember I am the girl who came on here after her 6 year rs came crashing down. I am just venting and ranting now because I just feel so lousy. I am getting too old to keep starting over. I live in a small town and the choice of men is few and far between. I really hate my life right now at this moment. I am hoping it gets better soon.
Mandy5 Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 I feel your pain, my ex did the exact thing to me, he told me he wasn't dating anyone, and we two were together one night, while he was going out with this other girl behind my back. it sucks, im still not over it, but we will find someoe one day, that wont leave us, and wont do these things to us:) keep your head up
alwayshurt Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Hi Katty, I am sorry for what you're going thru and I can guarantee that you're not alone. I know that what I am about to tell you is going to hurt even more but it may also help you not to make the same mistake again. You definetely made a mistake by allowing him to come into your life again and especially giving him right away what he wanted. So, what you're going thru now, is in part your fault. I am a 37 years old man and I have gone thru a lot lately becuase of women. A special person I lost thought me a lot and one thing is that a broken relationship is broken period. If you broke up in the past with this person something was not working between you two. Why did you think it was going to work this time? Sometime we need to realize that no matter how much we want something we need to give it up to avoid us future pains. This is what I just did with a person I love more than anything else and if you read my post you'll understand. Don't give up! right now all seems dark to you. Allow yourself sometime and deal with your emotions as all of us are doing now. The sun will come again. Ciao.
Author katty774 Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 mandy and alwayshurt I appreciate your replies. Mandy I know we will both be better off later but now it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I do appreciate your kind words. alwayshurt I already know that I wasn't handling the breakup properly but to be perfectly honest I have been thru this a time or two and I know that I was in the wrong. It was just holding on to a small piece of what we had I guess, plus I guess I was kind of thinking that it wasn't hurting anything to get together but now I know differently. I hate myself right now for all of the stupid mistakes I have made. Anyway I just wanted to say thanks to both of you for your wisdom and kind words. It is much appreciated.
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