do guys always turn into their fathers?

[katie82]

hello everyone! i am new to this website and thought it was really neat- i would like some opinions on the following topic- thanks!

 

today i was talking to a friend who told me that she thinks that men treat their wives the way they saw their fathers treat their mothers. is that always true? sometime true? does that have no merit?

 

the reason i am wondering about this is that my boyfriend is a wonderful, caring guy who would do anything for anyone- but his father is not the nicest man- he was never physically abusive but it sounds like he was emotionally abusive to his mother and eventually they got divorced. my boyfriend says that he totally disagrees with his fathers behavior and i could never see him acting like that

 

my question is, where do theories like that come from? is it legit? i am no psychologist so i have no idea. sometimes i feel like i'm turning into my mother so maybe its true! i cant imagine boyfriend decades down the line turning into a dishonest and abusive man....

[Woggle]

God I hope not. My father was a spineless wimp to my mother.

[Saxis]

God I hope not. My father was a spineless wimp to my mother.

 

Doh! So that's where I get it from! But then I have some of my mom's traits too. When someone walks all over me, I let them do it for a while, until one day I just can't take it anymore...

 

I think what you're referring to, is how genetics plays a role in how people age, not necessarily how they mature and their behavior, although it would be interesting to know. I'm sure there's been lots of research done on it...

[Triple]

mostly when i hear that term i think of same kind of humor, taste in beer, movie likes, etc, not really abusive traits.

My father cheated on my , but I will never do that. Just don't worry about it.

Look at serial killers, all their fathers weren't serial killers, lol. IMO anyways

[Trialbyfire]

People either become the role models that they grew up with or they consciously break the cycle of abuse. It sounds like your b/f has chosen the latter more healthy and in many ways, more difficult path to take.

 

It sounds like you got a good'un katie82.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Do people turn into their father or mother? Sometimes. Not always.

 

But their parents' behavior - as individuals, and together in the marriage - does affect the child's own attitude.

 

An over-controlling parent, a negligent one, or one who cheats on his/her spouse: while these don't mean that their children will turn out the same way, it does affect the child's own perception of himself and relationships. This is where traits like self-centredness, continual mistrust, "doormat" behavior, lack of confidence, etc. come from.

 

The point is: Although people don't necessarily become a spitting image of their father or mother, they do develop traits and attitudes that are an offshoot of the kind of environment they grew up in.

 

All said and one, however, there are also individual characteristics that determine how much a person or lets himself or herself be affected. There are those who become a product of their environment, and there are those who learn to overcome the negatives and use the tough times to become better, more mature people.

[directx]

If i am lucky and blessed, I will.

 

But alas, I fear that is just not going to happen.

[Green]

A question easier answered would be will you turn out like your mother and have relationships that models your mothers to men.... well are u like ur mother in the way you view men...

[halfarock]

My father was rather abusive (physically and verbally). I grew up telling myself that I would never be like him. One doesn’t have to just take what is thrown at them, one can make their life and themselves what they want it to be.

[JCD]

I think the anger issue is passed down because my grandpa passed it down to my dad and he to me. However, how I deal with the anger is what differentiates me from others.