Izzy B Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 The best thing you can do....back off for a while. Be confident, don't always answer the phone. Don't jump at every chance to visit him. Get The Rules, GIRL. It will drive him nuts and he'll fall for you. Right now you're too needy and it's scaring him off.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Duck and weave is sometimes referred to as bob, duck and weave, an old boxing term of how to avoid a direct punch from your opponent. In this situation, I've used it to describe how he isn't direct with his comments, so later on, he can't be held accountable for anything because you must have misinterpreted what he said...
spookie Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 The thing that smells most fishy to me is that he seems to be TRYING to be manipulative. The flowery, over-romanticized writing, the compliments... he's not writing to you to communicate (since he won't tell you what you want to know, ie what he is thinking) but to get you to fall for him, when he himself isn't ready to fall for you. To me it sounds like he's in this for the ego boost and the sex. I'm not saying he doens't like you as a person or anything like that, or that there's anything wrong with YOU or that there's anything YOU lack that's preventing him from falling for you.. but I am saying that I think he's an immature douche and that, if I am right, not someone you should want to have a relationship with. To test this out you should have a tlak with him. You deserve to know where this is headed if you're going to make 4 hour treks to have sex with him three times a day a couple of times a month, so don't let fear of screwing this up stop you; you're definitely entitled to a real conversation at this point. Tell him he's got to lay it out for you so you know how to proceed. And if he doesn't, you'll have your answer.
Author shadowplay Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 Hmm...you guys have all given me a lot to think about. Thanks for the advice. After writing the email, I decided to sit on it because I'd rather have the talk with him in person. When I see him again in a week or so I'll feel him out and broach the subject if I'm still getting the same vibes. I confess a few things have given me second thoughts about ending things immediately. 1) Today when we spoke he said he was worried that something will go wrong (like I won't get into a school in NY) and we won't both be in NY come Spring and how much that would suck. So at least he sees a future for us and wants me nearby...or so he suggests. He also said he was feeling homesick and missing me. 2) I should have mentioned that he said a number of affectionate things when were last together. At one point he was resting his head in my lap, smiled up at me and said "you make me so happy." There was something very sincere and spontaneous about the comment. I could tell he meant it. At another point we were kissing or doing something (can't remember what) and he took me by surprise with "this has been another perfect moment thanks to you." At the end of my first night there he said "you've already made my week and you've only been here one day." 3) He goes through a lot of trouble to see me. He was the first to visit me after he moved and did so after he had been gone for only a few days. He also does most of the driving to pick me up when he's in the same city (it's a 45 min trip to my house from his and I don't have a car). He's usually the initiator in terms of contact. You may just have to take my word for it but he comes off sincere in person. I mean wouldn't he have to be extraordinarily calculating and deceitful to be completely misrepresenting himself like this? How likely is that given these traits don't really mesh with other aspects of his personality? He's fairly laid-back, a bit flakey/absent-minded but generally well intentioned and tends to feel guilty about a lot of things and second guess himself quite often. He is immature and extremely undisciplined, though. Then again, maybe I'm just in denial. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around the situation. I'm having a lot of trouble understanding him and his intentions. My gut says he's good, but my head has doubts. I'm sooo on the fence. I guess I'll just play it by ear and proceed cautiously from here forward.
Author shadowplay Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 Thought i'd write a little update. I decided to give him a chance and I'm glad I did. Things have improved quite a bit since I started this thread. He's visited me twice again and I feel like we've gotten a lot closer in the time we've spent together. The better I get to know him, the more I feel that he's committed to me and wants a serious relationship. Just now he imed me and we had a sweet conversation. He came back to NY earlier today after visiting me over the weekend. I'm going to paste part of our conversation here: Him: heyI don don't know if you are still up... me: hey Him: I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time coming up and seeing you and I hope you enjoyed it too... me: yes i really did. you make me very happy Him: there's a warmth that glows inside me when you say that... I feel the same towards you. baby I've definitely noticed a change in his behavior towards me over the last couple of weeks. Not that he was distant before, but he's even more affectionate and tender now. I see it in the little things he does...like when we're holding hands and I release his hand for a second he'll always pull mine back. Or when we're cuddling in bed and I turn away, he'll grab me back or hold me tighter. He says 'hey baby' in a cute, appreciative way whenever I give him a good morning hug in bed in the morning. He tells me he's crazy about me. He tells me that he misses me over im when he's gone. I've met most of his friends and hung out with his parents on a few occasions. One thing that has helped, I think, is I've made a concerted effort to be more supportive of him. I ask him a lot of questions about himself and try to encourage him about his goals, etc. At the same time I talk about myself and let him know I have my own life. I'm tempted to tell him I love him, but I will probably wait until he does first. There's a possibility he may have mumbled it to me on Sunday morning when he woke up, but I'm not entirely sure so I won't "count" it.
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