Heartache11 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I'm a mess. I can't eat, I can't get him off my mind. I'm a skinny girl to begin with (5'6", 110) and I can feel myself weighing less and less. I don' have a scale at school though. I can accept that it's over, but I can't accept that he just started ignoring me and possibly hates me because I kept trying to contact him. We haven't spoken since Labor Day. I stopped contacting him this Monday. I know it's for the better but I still can barely function. The technical break-up was over a month ago. He said he really loved me at the end of August. I blew it. I found out a few of our favorite bands are releasing new cds soon. He is big in the music scene and has some connections. I know he is all excited about it and going to be at the shows with the bigwigs, that I normally would go along with him to. I can't bare to think about this all. I can't even listen to music, where it doesn't even phase him. I guess I'm a mess this morning/afternoon. It's the weekend and I have no clue what he is doing. I want to contact him so bad but I think it will only do worse. Posting here instead.
angie16 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I'm a mess. I can't eat, I can't get him off my mind. I can accept that it's over, but I can't except that he just started ignoring me and possibly hates me because I kept trying to contact him. We haven't spoken since Labor Day. I stopped contacting him this Monday. I know it's for the better but I still can barely function. The technical break-up was over a month ago. He said he really loved me at the end of August. I blew it. I found out a few of our favorite bands are releasing new cds soon. He is big in the music scene and has some connections. I know he is all excited about it and going to be at the shows with the bigwigs, that I normally would go along with him to. I can't bare to think about this all. I can't even listen to music, where it doesn't even phase him. I guess I'm a mess this morning/afternoon. It's the weekend and I have no clue what he is doing. I want to contact him so bad but I think it will only do worse. Posting here instead. dont' contact him about the music, the shows, anything. I had to accept this too. Right now you have to greive, and figure out what you have to do next. New place? New job? New fall wardrobe? Find something that is stable in your life and jump into it That's what I'm doing now with work. You will get past this and you will be better. I have to stop myself as well from reminiscing and hoping -- at this juncture you can't. you must consider that person gone and save yourself. He let you go. He's not it. period. You deserve someone that wants you now and will stick by you when things get tough. That's what love is. That's what a commitment is. My ex told me numerous times that he would "always be by my side". And i believed him. I trusted him. And when it got tough (and it really was with his father dead suddenly, work stress, family issues) he chose to let me go. And that is what keeps me going when i just want to hear his voice, tell him the funny thing that happend at work, text him a smile, or the times my heart breaks and i just want 1 more hug. Thats how i put the phone down. You can do it. :-)
fabulousgal Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I'm really sorry to hear about this. You are doing the right thing by not contacting him. There comes a point when you will realize whether they honestly seek to work things out, or maybe not. By his actions, I think you know. And you know what, you didn't blow anything. You were willing to fight for it, to work things out. Screw it when people say you look desperate after you contact someone after a breakup....every situation is different and there are no "rules". At this point with your guy, if he is being unresponsive...that is just rude and it sounds like his state of mind is to move on. I'm sorry, and it sucks. You will breathe again, eat again, sleep again, and the crying will dissapate over time. I am someone who gets the wind knocked out of me, and I can't eat either during times like this. However, even if you cannot eat a whole meal, you must force snacks into you. I can atest to saying, as much as you want to be loved by X, you are the only one who you can depend on to love yourself. This is going to be hard. I won't sugarcoat it. But you will get through this.
AriaIncognito Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Ok. Here it is in blunt form... It doesn't matter if he hates you or not. He can no longer matter. He looked at you, and thought "eh" for whatever reason. You should never ever settle for someone that can look at you and think they could possibily find better. You want someone to look at you and not care if there's anyone else, because to them, you're it. You deserve that, and someday, you'll find that. Unfortunately it doesn't happen on our time frames. I'm 33 and am still waiting for it. Who knows how long it will be, but I have faith that it will be, someday. What you do need to worry about is how you're treating yourself now. Why give him the control. Don't stop eating from it. You sound like you could stand to gain weight, not lose any. No man or relationship is worth giving up your health. Believe me. In the end, you're the one that has to live in your body, and if you make it sick, you're not going to feel very happy in it. I know right now it seems like it will never end and never get better. Heck i'm on day like 100 of NC or something and I still wonder when I'll be better, but I don't cry every day anymore, heck i dont even cry every week anymore. I still think of him, sure, but what he's doing or who he's with is no longer my focus. I've shifted my focus onto making myself happy, whatever that entails. We can't depend on anyone else to be our happiness. We are born into this world alone and we die alone (so to speak). Try not to fall into the "i can only be happy if i have someone at my side" rut. I've been there, and it's pointless and just drags you down. I hope you can get yourself back on track soon. Don't contact him. All that will do, is reopen the wounds. It doesn't matter how he feels right now because he no longer wishes to be part of your life. now it's your turn to accept that, and move on, so you can potentially find the man who does.
Author Heartache11 Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 Ahh he called. I picked up. First thing he said was he was sorry he's been avoiding me, he doesn't hate me, and he's been busy. Now thinking about that, was he so busy he felt it was ok to avoid my texts or IMs? I asked him how he was and he said not good. He got caught doing something bad at work, his new x-box doesn't work, he's been gambling 3 of the past 4 weekends (which is 2 hours away from him), and he wouldn't go into much more detail as to what was wrong. He said he might need to go to therapy, his mom said or something. Then he had to go. I don't know how I should feel about this because right now I might be in shock or disbelief. In a sad way, him not doing well and me not being there makes me feel horrible. He always should have gone to therapy. Why is he going now? Will the therapist shed some favorable light on me, that I was a good girlfriend? So many thoughts. Back to square one.
angie16 Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 and breathe. you must not contact him anymore. His life and your life are not intermingled anymore. If he wanted you back to help him he would have ASKED YOU BACK. He's lying about being too busy to respond to any of your calls/texts.IMS. You can't control what people say about you after a realtionship is over. Seriously. Thinking about what his mother/therapist/family is saying is counter productive. Have you eaten yet? What are you doing this weekend? Who can you call to hang out with? Keep moving. Don't dwell on what he's doing or how he's doing. Worry about YOU. Its hard, but trust me, I'm 2.5 weeks out and doing MUCH BETTER. Once you break from your normal routines with your ex, and make your own, you will start to heal. Don't answer if he calls again. No texts/im's/emails. NOTHING. You are still right there, he's knows it. (i am not trying to be rude because i'm in the same position), but if he wanted you back he would have asked you back. And if he really loved you, he wouldn't have let you go to begin with. Keep saying that to yourself. That's the TRUTH.
AriaIncognito Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 You are still right there, he's knows it. (i am not trying to be rude because i'm in the same position), but if he wanted you back he would have asked you back. And if he really loved you, he wouldn't have let you go to begin with. Keep saying that to yourself. That's the TRUTH. Angie that is such a great point. I had a hard time accepting it myself back when my ex and I split but it's so true. If they loved us, they never would have let us go to begin with. Heartache - listen to angie. She's right. And you deserve so much more than that.
Author Heartache11 Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 Thanks everyone. I do need to listen. So he called me back Friday night and we talked for another ten minutes. He opened up a tiny bit and then was being kind of cutesy, I have to go play video games. I let it be and didn't contact him again until the following afternoon. I IMed him online briefly and he went back to cold, one word answers. I asked if I could call and he said no. I was upset but I left it telling him please don't just not respond and I know you need your space, just think for me when you're ready. Well, I buckled and text him later last night saying "Can I call or do you want me to leave you be until you call me? I wanna give you space so tell me what you need" He didn't respond. I know he isn't good for me and I don't think I even want to be with him. I guess I'm seeking his approval and missing him in my life even on a friends level. But we aren't ready to be friends, as much as I want to be. So I haven't contacted him today. I won't until he calls me. I still don't think it's right he can talk to me when he wants to but he won't open up to me.
wmrjw82 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 honestly if the guy is pulling this **** he's feeding you lines and keeping you at bay. All the while, you're back to square 1 with the NC. Come on girl! Be strong! I'm struggling with day 3 of NC but if she was doing this **** with me i wouldn't even buy into it one bit. I can tell both of you are pretty young so immaturity has alot to do with it. He's not asking you to be back with him. And that's the bottom line. Matter of fact, i bet if you told him point blank you're tired of his BS instead of playing the concerned emotional needy ex, he'd wonder what the hell was going on and suddenly all his problems would disappear and you would become the center of his attention. On one side, it's nice for you because i know you love him and it's not over (you have so much more power in this situation then you realize) on the other hand the other posters are right in saying that if he loved you he wouldn't have left the first time. Now if only I could take my own advice and move on from my ex.... Oh well, insecurities and low self esteem are a bitch!
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