Do you think about them 24/7?

[StaringContest]

Something somebody said in another thread got me thinking about this.

 

Do you think about someone you love 24/7?

 

I've heard some people say that it's not healthy (and even scary when you're on the receiving end) and some people say they knew they didn't love someone because they didn't think about them all the time. What do you all think?

[popey]

When I am in love, the SO is never completely out of my head; but no I'm not thinking about him all the time by any means.

[Ocean-Blue]

Really depends on my mood and what I have going on that particular day/time.

 

At the beginning of my relationship I was consumed by thoughts of SO (and had this overwhelming need to always talk to him). We began our relationship while being thousands of miles apart. Once we met, I wanted to see him even more.

 

Now that we are back being in a LDR, I miss him quite a bit (and think of him many times a day).

 

I go through phases where I obsess about him (think about the way he smells and the feel of his hugs, his laugh, etc). And then there are other times I'm totally into something I'm reading, etc and he's the furthest thing from my mind.

[StaringContest]

Interesting stuff so far. Anybody else care to weigh in?

[quankanne]

nope. But my husband often IS the first one I call whenever something happens here at work or I want to chat , etc. Frankly, unless that other person is going through some serious event (illness, death, marriage, baby, graduation), it's just not healthy to be thinking about that person 24/7. Because then it becomes an obsession!

[IpAncA]

Not 24/7 but I do when I'm not doing anything. Wonder what he's doing.

[Yosef]

It's not healthy to think about your S.O. all the time. It distracts from your studies if you're in school, or your job. Your lack of focus on the more important aspects of your life can create problems that shouldn't exist.

 

As for the amount of time thinking, I think of the person I like every time I listen to my favorite music because it reminds me of the time I spend with her in activities where we sing, or the lyrics of the song could cause me to think of ways that the story relates to either her or both of us.

 

I'm a very focused person that focuses diligently on his schoolwork, so I usually forget about everything else while im working.

[amber1]

Yeah, when I truly love someone they are on my mind pretty much 24/7.

[StaringContest]

Well, I didn't want to come off like a p*ssy, but maybe if I share, more people will.

 

A big part of why this interests me is because it used to be when I was really into a girl, I'd think about her a lot. Maybe not 24/7, but a lot. In the last year or two, I haven't found anybody that I thought about that much. I've been wondering. Is it because none of those girls were right for me or because I've developed a more realistic and mature outlook toward women and dating?

 

And after writing that just now, I'm thinking maybe it was a little of both.

[celesten10]

I think it depends on how long you've been seeing that person. If you're just starting a relationship, you do tend to think about them more than often, i've been seeing someone for a month and i believe we are falling for e/other because we just can't stay apart, or without communicating.

If it's a more stable LTR, by then i would probably have managed to learn when to put my mind at ease and focus on other issues besides my SO.

[StaringContest]

I think it depends on how long you've been seeing that person. If you're just starting a relationship, you do tend to think about them more than often

 

I think you're right that that tends to be the norm.

 

But then I think if you love the person, wouldn't you think about them more after you got to know them well?

 

Isn't it just lust if you're thinking about a person all the time that you don't really know very well?

 

Is it better to start a relationship with a person that you can't get out of your mind or a person you're attracted to, want to get to know better, but don't think about a lot? If you don't think about them a lot to start does that mean it won't go anywhere?

 

These are the questions that go through my head. I expect to find a definite answer, but I do wish more people had some thoughts to share about it.

[StaringContest]

Yeah, when I truly love someone they are on my mind pretty much 24/7.

 

How do you know you love them? Is it just because you think about them 24/7 or is it something else that lets you know?

[Lyssa]

I think a lot about my SO. I don't find it unhealthy or a distraction. If anything, thinking of him all the time makes me happy and want to do a lot more for the day.

 

If he is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I have on my mind when I go to sleep.. I know then that that is love.

[Yosef]

How do you know you love them? Is it just because you think about them 24/7 or is it something else that lets you know?

 

Someone has stated before, You don't know you love someone by sight. You have a crush. It's not the same. To love someone, you get to know them beyond the heart-felt feelings. When you feel that the person you've met and have gotten to know is the person you want in your life, it's love. When you develope feelings for someone outside of your social circle, or are unfamiliar with the person, it's merely a crush.

 

It's wise to know the difference. You don't want to take unnecessary risks.

 

lyssa...

 

You're right. It also makes me feel much better when I think of my SO. The problems of the world disappear, and the desire to be with the person becomes the main focus. Unfortunately, when you DO think of your significant other, it is treated as mental stress, constant focus on a particular subject. It can be distracting if you don't have control over your feelings, so it's a good idea to keep your feelings in check.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree that it's a crush or lust, within the honeymoon period, which can be where the 24/7 comes into play.

 

Love grows slowly and continues to build. Healthy love includes other emotions such as respect and trust, which allows you to grow as a person because of the secure foundation it creates.

[Lyssa]

Love grows slowly and continues to build. Healthy love includes other emotions such as respect and trust, which allows you to grow as a person because of the secure foundation it creates.

 

I agree. It took me a long time to realise I love my SO. Could be the past relationship I was in.

 

Respect for one another is a must!!

[Lyssa]

lyssa...

 

You're right. It also makes me feel much better when I think of my SO. The problems of the world disappear, and the desire to be with the person becomes the main focus. Unfortunately, when you DO think of your significant other, it is treated as mental stress, constant focus on a particular subject. It can be distracting if you don't have control over your feelings, so it's a good idea to keep your feelings in check.

 

I wouldn't exactly go to the extend of the problems of the world disappear!

 

I do keep my feelings in check - now and then.

[OpenBook]

Hi Staring, it's your menopausal friend here . I love your moniker BTW... just makes me want to scratch him/her behind the ears.

 

A big part of why this interests me is because it used to be when I was really into a girl, I'd think about her a lot. Maybe not 24/7, but a lot. In the last year or two, I haven't found anybody that I thought about that much. I've been wondering. Is it because none of those girls were right for me or because I've developed a more realistic and mature outlook toward women and dating?

 

And after writing that just now, I'm thinking maybe it was a little of both.

 

You're right, it's both. Those girls weren't right for you - and you're getting more mature & realistic to realize it. Also, "the real thing" doesn't happen that often over the course of a lifetime. Sometimes you go through pretty long stretches without it appearing on the horizon. During these times, it's easy to try and make something out of nothing.

 

The more years you put under your belt, the more you realize that a "don't worry, be happy" approach is the best one during these dry spells. Things ALWAYS have a way of working out. Usually not the way you expect them to... but everything always turns out fine in the end. You are just wasting energy by worrying about it. And trying to FORCE something to happen when your heart's not really into it, is just nuts.

 

Isn't it just lust if you're thinking about a person all the time that you don't really know very well?

 

I think "the real thing" can start out as lust -- because that's all we have to go on, in the beginning of a relationship. Judging from the biological success of human evolution, it's a pretty good indicator that there's something there for you. Your heart wants what it wants. And no amount of logical common sense can convince it otherwise.

 

Is it better to start a relationship with a person that you can't get out of your mind or a person you're attracted to, want to get to know better, but don't think about a lot? If you don't think about them a lot to start does that mean it won't go anywhere?

 

It's definitely better with a person that you can't get out of your mind.

 

How do you know you love them? Is it just because you think about them 24/7 or is it something else that lets you know?

 

That's impossible to answer. Many (including myself) have tried. It's undefinable. When it happens, you just "know." It's when you can't imagine your life without them in it, by your side. When you make it your top priority to make sure that happens. Without even thinking about it.

 

If you have any doubts or hesitations about this feeling, then it's not the real thing.

[katiebour]

I do think about my S/O a good portion of the time. The reason I do is because I'm generally planning out my day in my head, and it goes something like this:

 

Hm... when I get home I need to clean the house... urgh but I'm so tired I just want to go veg on my computer at loveshack... But my sweetie would be really happy to come home to a clean house- I'd like to surprise him... OK, I guess I'll start cleaning when I get home.

 

Let's see, what do I have in the fridge for dinner? Not much- I wonder if sweetie would be up for some fast food tonight- I'll have to ask him when he gets home... I hope he doesn't have too much homework...

 

I hope we can get those netflix movies watched this weekend- I want to send em back and get some more- hopefully we can get one in before sweetie goes to work...

 

Oh, I like that big poster they've got for sale there- I'd like to buy it for sweetie to replace his painting that fell down and got broken- I wonder if he'd like that...

 

And so on. It's not so much that I'm obsessed with him- it's more that we live together, do things together, and when I think about things that I want to do, they generally involve some consideration for him in the back of my mind.

 

He's never far from my thoughts but when I'm gaming or reading, I generally only wonder occasionally "When is he gonna get home?" or "I wonder if he'll wake up soon?"

 

We're not able to spend much time together lately- between his classes and working overnight at McD's, and me working full-time plus some overtime, we generally are only seeing each other for about 4-5 hours a day not counting sleeping. We see each other even less on weekends because he's working nights, and so when I'm up, he's sleeping,and when he's up and working, I'm sleeping.

[Lyssa]

Katie, I think I would be thinking the same if I was living with my BF. Heck, I'm not living with him and I sometimes think what he's up to, is he home.. etc. But like you, it's not so much of an obsession...

[ToadKing]

I think about my boyfriend al lot when we are not together but not 24/7. If I am doing nothing (just hanging out or whatever) I think about him and when I will see him next. If I am doing something then I am doing something and am mostly not thinking about him.

[Lizzie60]

as long as the 'passion' period lasts... then... when the 'passion' is gone... it's not 24/7... maybe 12/3.5 LOL

 

For sure if something happens, the spouse would be the first one to be notified... but it has nothing to do with 'love' per se...

[StaringContest]

Hi Staring, it's your menopausal friend here . I love your moniker BTW... just makes me want to scratch him/her behind the ears.

 

Thanks. You can scratch me behind the ears anytime.

 

The more years you put under your belt, the more you realize that a "don't worry, be happy" approach is the best one during these dry spells. Things ALWAYS have a way of working out. Usually not the way you expect them to... but everything always turns out fine in the end. You are just wasting energy by worrying about it. And trying to FORCE something to happen when your heart's not really into it, is just nuts.

I mostly agree with you, it's just that... huh, maybe I should tell you guys about this girl I've been going out with. My most pressing (though not the only) thing I've been thinking about is whether to keep seeing her. We've been on about 3 dates. She's gorgeous, with an adorable smile. She's sweet, smart and exactly my type.

 

She always acts really into me when we go out. She touches me, kisses me, holds my hand. But then when I call or text her, she takes forever to get back to me. If she's into me and just busy, I'm fine with that. If she's playing a game to try to increase my interest, that just turns me off. And if she's not interested, I'm not interested.

 

I guess I do think about her fairly often, but I don't get the same type of excited feeling as when I'd think about girls I liked in the past. But then again, I'd feel excited whether they seemed interested in me or not and when I didn't really know them that well. When they didn't call me back, I'd feel awful for anywhere from a day to a week. When she doesn't call me back right away, I'm disappointed but it doesn't ruin my day.

 

So maybe the way I'm feeling, or rather not feeling, is just because I'm being more cautious because I don't want to be disappointed when I find out she's not who I think she is or she's not interested in me. I think maybe if I knew she was into me and I got to know her better, I'd feel more excited... but maybe I wouldn't be.

 

If I was really into her, would I have that "excited, thinking about her all the time" thing going on despite my cautions?

 

I almost want to just ask her if she's interested and see if that changes things, but that seems like it would come off as really insecure.

 

It's definitely better with a person that you can't get out of your mind.

See, I don't know if I agree with that. When there was a girl I just couldn't get out of my head, I always felt like I was a little bit crazy. I don't really like that feeling.

 

I was dating a girl up until about 4-5 months ago where I didn't have that 24/7 thing going on. We dated about 9 months, and it was better than any of my other relationships, which usually fizzled out in less than a month or two.

 

That's impossible to answer. Many (including myself) have tried. It's undefinable. When it happens, you just "know."

My question was actually not general, but to that person who said they thought about everyone they loved 24/7. I was hoping to find out what perspective they were coming from.

 

If you have any doubts or hesitations about this feeling, then it's not the real thing.

But isn't it normal to have hesitations at the beginning? Wouldn't you say that in the beginning, it's never the real thing?

 

And so on. It's not so much that I'm obsessed with him- it's more that we live together, do things together, and when I think about things that I want to do, they generally involve some consideration for him in the back of my mind.

 

He's never far from my thoughts but when I'm gaming or reading, I generally only wonder occasionally "When is he gonna get home?" or "I wonder if he'll wake up soon?"

 

Katie, if you don't mind me asking, how did you feel about him when you first met? Were you thinking about him all the time?

[OpenBook]

So maybe the way I'm feeling, or rather not feeling, is just because I'm being more cautious because I don't want to be disappointed when I find out she's not who I think she is or she's not interested in me. I think maybe if I knew she was into me and I got to know her better, I'd feel more excited... but maybe I wouldn't be.

 

I think you're overthinking it.

 

If I was really into her, would I have that "excited, thinking about her all the time" thing going on despite my cautions?

 

I almost want to just ask her if she's interested and see if that changes things, but that seems like it would come off as really insecure.

 

Why are you even worried about it?? She obviously enjoys your company. Enjoy it! Go have fun! Let the relationship play itself out.

 

My question was actually not general, but to that person who said they thought about everyone they loved 24/7. I was hoping to find out what perspective they were coming from.

 

Well ex-CUH-YUZZZZE ME.

[StaringContest]

I think you're overthinking it.

 

Probably. People tell me that about a lot of things.

 

Why are you even worried about it?? She obviously enjoys your company. Enjoy it! Go have fun! Let the relationship play itself out.

I probably shouldn't have mentioned her. I did because I thought it would help people understand what I meant, but I think it did the opposite.

 

As far as she's concerned, I'll probably give it a few more dates or a few weeks, whichever is shorter. If things don't change, I'll forget about her.

 

But what I've been thinking about isn't really about her or whether she likes me. This is about me not feeling the way I used to. I'm wondering why that is and also trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing, and even if it's relatively normal. Am wonder things like "am I getting more mature or just more jaded and closed off"? I don't think I'm explaining very well though, and probably coming off as pretty weird in the process.

 

I'd still like to hear people's thoughts on the original question and get any feedback from anybody who thinks they might know what I'm getting at.

 

So far, the responses have been thought provoking.