daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 hey guys, there is this girl. i went to high school with her and back then it was all fun and games. had no feelings for her. now we are both sophmores in college. it all began this summer when i got hired at this customer service job and to my surprise she was too. we became friends at first, then became even better friends. after about a month or so i started developing these feelings for her. everytime she would talk to someone in a all touchy feely manner it would drive me crazy. i thought about asking her out but she is engaged with some guy from her home country. she doesn't even like the guy and has nothing in common with him. but thought i should wait until she breaks it with him. but then early august she told me she has been seeing someone who just happened to be our instructor for the job training. at first i thought she was just playin with my head but when i found out it was true i was crushed. i spent a couple of days avoiding everyone and sitting in my room listening to sad songs. i know sounds a bit retarded but it made me feel a lil better. i wasn't myself around her like i had been before. then one day she confronted me about it. i just told her that i have things going on in my life which i can't talk about. i wasn't sure how she would react if i had told her how i felt. i tried to tell her how i feel but everytime i think about it, the fear of her not feeling the same way kills me and also i don't want to lose the friendship we have which is why it always stops me. besides seems like she has a good thing going with the other guy. i mean from wat i can tell he seems to be a very nice guy. i tried to be happy for her but i can't seem to bury my feelings for this girl. i have never had a hard time with this kind of a thing before but she seems so perfect for me. also i am not quite sure if she likes me or not. she is all touchy and feely with me but thats how she is with everyone. she laughs at everyone of my corny jokes even the ones i threw out there to test it out but then again she likes to laugh it up. recently we've been flirting quite a bit..but i don't know if its friendly or something else. idk i am so confused and wanted some advice. i honestly have no idea of wat to do. i keep trying to bury my feelings deep inside but it is easier said than done. i can't get her out of my head and having to see her in my class isn't helping me forget her. plz give me some advice..anything would help let me know if you want any more details..i will greatly appreciate it
popey Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 She may like you, or may just like your attention. Talk to her. The posibility of rejection can't be worse the the insanity of not knowing, which you describe. Go for it. If you are met with disappointment, it will hurt, and it will pass. But the dwelling will likely end sooner. Not to mention the "crazy" (sarcasm) possibility that she may respond positively.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I've been there. I would take the gamble and tell her, the friendship is killing you inside anyways! Do you need to steal her from her current BF? If so there are some strategies which would be good for you to use.
Author daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 thanks guys appreciate the replies.. but i can't just tell her how i feel without jepardizing our friendship..it would also help if she would break up with him..but i am not one of those guys who would ruin a good thing for her just because of the way i feel..doesn't seem rite... but anywayz..wat were some of your ideas Cobra X30 for having her break up with him??? i might try some of them and see wat happens
Saxis Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 On getting her to break up with the boyfriend, whatever you do, DO NOT start putting him down in front of her. Unless she trusts you way more than she trusts him, I don't think it would work. She would probably resent you for it. I really don't know any GOOD way to go about it. If you make it obvious that you're trying to split them up, you're doomed.
Author daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 i agree with ya 100% Saxis..i haven't done any of that well maybe a little but all comments were light and honest..there was this one time when she started talking about when they kissed and i told her to stop because i was beginning to get visuals and was getting grossed out.. she asked me later on why i was grossed out but i told her i couldn't tell her because i didn't want to upset her..she kept insisting so i told her that in my opinion they don't make a good couple..again i was just being honest and they don't..she did admit that he is not her type but then she said its his personality that she likes..but i dont know how reliable that comment would be considering the fact that he is her first boyfriend...and like 25 or 26 years old and a college drop out..not trying to put him down or anything but stating the facts..but overall he is a nice guy anywayz after i gave her my opinion she said that she wasn't mad and that i was her friend and it was just my opinion..this was a couple of weeks ago... more like a month ago we have come a long way since then..apparently not far enough..lol
Saxis Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I think you need to get yourself out of the friend zone. That's a deadly place... Maybe if you perked up in showing some serious interest in her, she'd drop this guy (who already isn't her type) and give you a chance. This kind of situation is so common, and there's still not really a good way to go about it. The options are usually either "Go for it" or "Deal with it" it seems. I hate that kind of advice, but I think most people have been in this situation at some point and didn't know what to do.
Author daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 yea i realize that but how should i do that?? and when do you know if its too late to get out of it??
Author daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 how do i do this?? i will consider it if i can't find any other alternative
Author daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 plz reply with your ideas and advices for this little problem
halfarock Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I would never try to break up a relationship but if there was a girl that I was interested in and she was in a relationship, I would still pursue her with the idea that eventually she would pick me over the other guy. I would say nothing about the other guy, just pretend he doesn’t exist. Reading the OP reminded me of a relationship that I once had. There was this woman, like a friend of a friend. I barely knew her. I had moved to another state and ran into her again. We became close friends because neither of us really knew anyone else. At first I thought that something romantic would pop up between us but never did. It was just that need to have familiar people in our lives.
Author daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 yea i would not want to break them up either..but as long as he is in the picture i don't think she will say yes to me..even though we would make a wayyyy better match..we have so many things in common..i can always make her smile and she can get stay mad at me..shes even said that to me millions of times.. i just hope i am not in the friend zone..wat are some things i can do to keep out of it??
halfarock Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 i just hope i am not in the friend zone..wat are some things i can do to keep out of it?? Go find another girl.
Author daZed&confUsed005 Posted September 17, 2007 Author Posted September 17, 2007 guess thats worth a shot and who knows maybe i might get over her..hopefully..thanks man
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