dideverything Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Wanted to post again on my thread for an update if anybody was interested. But unfortunately it looks like my thread was deleted for some reason. Anyway, was at my lowest ebb for a while. Even almost took pills for a while. Blamed myself for what happened and the seperation. and why my wife left. Realize now that it wasn't my fault. I did everything in the marriage to try and save it. Now have been seperated for four months. She moved in with her controlling mother and has been living it up this summer, going on vacation twice, going to theme parks and parties. All the while, telling me she was not sure of what she wanted. So I have been waiting and sitting and waiting and working and supporting her little mini-break-vacation. In my mind, I felt as if I didn't do everything I could to save this marriage I would forever look back with regret and doubt. Because I truly love my wife. This summer I have gone to a great therapist and rediscovered myself and realized that though I was young, I was entitled to make mistakes. I didn't make mistakes that endangered the marriage. There was no infidelity, no abuse, nothing that couldn't have been worked out. My wife was a communication void. A constant avoider that tried to avoid her problems. Sadly I feel that she will repeat the same mistakes over and over again for the rest of her life. She has become so detached from reality that it is hard to see. Tommorow I go to the marriage counsler for what seems like the last time, because I am not going to take I don't know for an answer. Either she begins to work on herself and work this out, or we go our seperate ways and I never talk to her again. I cannot ever see her or communicate with her and I never want to see her again. The point I am trying to make is that, women ages 18-??? tend to not know what they want, its important that no person be put on a pedestal and for those who think their life is over and that you love the other person too much. I was in your shoes. I love my wife with all my heart, she just wanted to party and refused to grow up. I thought that it was my fault when she left, it wasn't she refused to communicate and when your partner shuts off communication, how are you ever really to work on a true marriage. The important thing, is to buck up. Many guys are in the same shoes I was in. The point is, you can do it. You are worth it, and life is just learning from mistakes, even if you aren't the ones who made them.
Cad Rake Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Dump her and get out of town for awhile. Don't just sit in one place or you will go nuts. Go on an adventure across the country if you can. Keep yourself busy, cut the cords, and stop paying for her.
Toolate Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 A communitcation void, a constant problem avoider. Boy that sounds like my EX. I couldnt ever get my ex to go to therapy even after i had been going for 3 years for my own problems and was getting around to talking about our problems. Im taking this VERY hard because i had some abandonment issues that popped up when she left. My ex has had a very troubled past and sexual abuse. Not saying this is your ex as there are many things that could cause this. But this happens to many little girls, 1 out of 3 i think. But, whatever the case, she had/has a choice. She can run and run in the rat wheel of life and never fix her problems or she can jump out get some help and be the healthy trusting calm wife yoiu deserve.
Cad Rake Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 here's the thing though: you can't help them.
Gunny376 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Ahhhhh! Hellllll! LISTEN THE HELL UP PEOPLE! YOU'VE got one and only person you're responsible for ! And that's you! You've got one and only one person you can CHANGE and that's YOU! You've got only one person you can WORK on, and that's YOU! Thats all you've got to work with! YOU! Go grab your azz a hugh cup of WTFU! (Wake the **** UP) Mama's gone! Daddy's gone! Your azz is on your own! Its "root hog or die" now! Get "busy living? Or get busy dying!" "By God!"
Cad Rake Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 the drill sergeant act is a bit tiresome
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 the drill sergeant act is a bit tiresome Actually it's not and G is one of the most helpful posters in this section.
Cad Rake Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Go grab your azz a hugh cup of WTFU! (Wake the **** UP) Wow, you're so right. Never seen such profundity.
Ladyjane14 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 ... unfortunately it looks like my thread was deleted for some reason. There seem to be several missing threads this morning, JessLindy's among them. I'm wondering if it's some sort of accident or glitch. There's usually not much cause here in Separation/Divorce for deletions. Tommorow I go to the marriage counsler for what seems like the last time, because I am not going to take I don't know for an answer. Either she begins to work on herself and work this out, or we go our seperate ways and I never talk to her again. I cannot ever see her or communicate with her and I never want to see her again. I can't remember the specifics of your situation. But as long as you don't have children together, I see no reason for you to feel bad about refusing to be dropped into "the friend zone". I do think it's unrealistic for women to believe they can drop a husband and then turn around and make a buddy out of him. Childish, even. ... life is just learning from mistakes, even if you aren't the ones who made them. That might be the "thought for the day". Cool observation. p.s. to Cad Rake... Nobody's got a gun to your head making you read other people's posts. "Take what you like and leave the rest" is the least troublesome policy. the drill sergeant act is a bit tiresome
Cad Rake Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Nobody's got a gun to your head making you read other people's posts. Thanks but there's no way to block individual users' posts on this board. If there were, I could, and avoid his meaningless rambling altogether. Nobody would like that more than I, believe me.
Cad Rake Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I take it back! I just figured out how to "ignore" somebody. Thanks!
Recommended Posts