Fluffybunny7 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 My girl's about an hour away now, going to college. I think that it's great and she's having tons 'o fun, and meeting new people. But there's this guy she met playing XBox in some guy's room. She called me that night and told me this guy was hitting on her despite the fact that she told him she's got a boyfriend. She tells me tomorrow she'll call me and we'll chat online. So I wait and wait. I get a call much later than expected and she tells me that she's sorry for being so late with the call, and that she was talking with some people. I said no prob. But then she lays it on me that the same guy who hit on her asked her to a dance and she wanted to know if I was ok with it. The whole thing made me sick, but like I told her, I can't keep her in a cage... so I told her to go and have fun. She said ok, and she'll call me at 1am when the dance is over... bye. That's it? I've been waiting all day to talk to her and all I get is, "I'm going to a dance with a guy who likes me talk to you after." Because of work and other complications I only get to talk on the phone with her for less than an hour after work every day, and I get to actually see her about every other weekend. But this long distance thing is new to me and it's driving me nuts. I'm also kinda wondering what's up with this guy? Is he just trying to be friends or what? I trust my girl, but I hate that some guy is getting time with her and I'm losing that time. Any similar experiances? advice? general comments? Please. I think I may be up for another 3.5hrs waiting for her call.
popey Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I hope for you that I am wrong, but I think you may be waiting up too. You are right, you can't keep her in a cage, but she told you this guy was hitting on her. I don't think it is a thoughtful thing to even ask your SO, "can I accompany a guy who hit on me to a dance?" You guys are young and apart. Chances are that others will make their ways into both your lives sooner or later. That being said, she is telling you what's going on (at least it seems). And she respected you enough to ask your feelings on the matter before choosing to accept the invitation. So if she calls you around 1am, as she said she would, tell her you're glad to hear from her. and tell her this turned out to be kind of hard for you, and you'd like to talk about it tomorrow. (in a non accusing, judmemental way.) see what happens. good luck.
Author Fluffybunny7 Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 Well, she called and we talked. It was a group thing. So it wasn't just her and the guy. She says she felt bad about making the call short, she was just busy. Which I understand. We just had a nice talk and we'll get to chat online tomorrow. Sweet. This long-distance thing really sucks.
popey Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Well, good that she called. See how things go tomorrow. Decide if you want to talk to her about how you've been feeling.
Chuckles84 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I wouldn't trust that guy. And to be honest, not trying to judge her character, I wouldn't trust her going and doing things with the guy. There are times when she will be lonely and he will be there trying to comfort her. You two will fight and he will be there. She obviously thinks, at the least, the guy is and OK person and some what attractive other wise she would've never considered going to the dance with him. I'd play it careful, express your discomfort with him if any, and make a concerted effort to see her more than twice a month. Make her know she is the #1 thing in your life and feel like she isn't alone.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 What she did, paired with your permissiveness of it is the beginning of the end. Keep your eyes open, and protect your heart.
bish Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 My girl's about an hour away now, going to college. I think that it's great and she's having tons 'o fun, and meeting new people. But there's this guy she met playing XBox in some guy's room. She called me that night and told me this guy was hitting on her despite the fact that she told him she's got a boyfriend. She tells me tomorrow she'll call me and we'll chat online. So I wait and wait. I get a call much later than expected and she tells me that she's sorry for being so late with the call, and that she was talking with some people. I said no prob. But then she lays it on me that the same guy who hit on her asked her to a dance and she wanted to know if I was ok with it. What he hell is she thinking? Wanting to dance with a guy that is hitting on her and wondering if it will be ok with her bf that knows he wants to bone his gf? So lets get this straight...a guy hits on her, you know about it, and she wants to dance with him? ya..ok..one thing leads to another. She KNOWS he will try to go further with her. The whole thing made me sick, but like I told her, I can't keep her in a cage... so I told her to go and have fun. She said ok, and she'll call me at 1am when the dance is over... bye. That's it? I've been waiting all day to talk to her and all I get is, "I'm going to a dance with a guy who likes me talk to you after." Because of work and other complications I only get to talk on the phone with her for less than an hour after work every day, and I get to actually see her about every other weekend. But this long distance thing is new to me and it's driving me nuts. I'm also kinda wondering what's up with this guy? Is he just trying to be friends or what? I trust my girl, but I hate that some guy is getting time with her and I'm losing that time. Nah dude...her wanting to go to some dance with a guy she KNOWS wants to get in her pants is totally inappropriate. Like you said, you can't be controlling, you are not her daddy, and can't tell her what to do. What you can do is not put up with it and dump her. Any similar experiances? advice? general comments? Please. I think I may be up for another 3.5hrs waiting for her call. Only advice I have...this is a LDR with a girl that obviously isn't into you to be so inconsiderate of your feelings. So just dump her.
Clam_chowder Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 If she can't tell that you'll get pissed off because she's dancing with a guy that likes her, she seems to be really dumb down. She doesn't respect you and believes there's nothing wrong with it. Leave her imo, if you don't there's going to be a lot of hurt down the road.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Hey, I've been to college in that environment! You need to set some groundrules... bigtime! Personally, I'd initiate a breakup with her!
love4ever Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Me personally if I was her, I wouldn't do anything to encourage the other guy. I don't know why she would dance with someone that obviously like her.
Nevermind Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Well...at first read I looks really bad. But coming to think about it...it might not be so terrible after all. She told you. Everything. She told you that there is a guy who likes her. She told you he asked her out. She told you she wanted to go. She asked you before she went. She didn't just tell you after a while, no she came to you and asked openly and freely. That is a good sign. She is involving you in her daily life, all of it, and she does not show any signs of bad conciousness. Probably because she didn't do anything wrong. The fact that she just asked you if it would be okay if she went to dance with that particular guy shows she might not even be aware of anything bad related to it. She is a girl and she wanted to go to a dance, she has been asked out (and that's always flattering), she liked to go and she did. You don't like that and you have to talk about it. Tell her how you feel...that you miss her and would love to be the only one who takes her for a dance. But as you said, you cannot put her in a cage. Tell her this again, tell her that you understand and trust her. The idea of her dancing with a guy who has shown interest hurts you, you should let her know this. But (!) do not mistrust her just because she is far away. You know her best, you know if she is a person to hurt you, to act thoughtless. You know if there is any reason to mistrust her. This is the question: Can you trust her, absolutely, from a distance? The guy does not matter here, it is all about you and her. It might be nothing. It might be the end. It might make your relationship stronger. Do not mistrust your partner on principle. And believe in love. P.S. Wow...I wrote more than I should have. Deep apologies for mistakes, but English is not my mother tonque.
bish Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Me personally if I was her, I wouldn't do anything to encourage the other guy. I don't know why she would dance with someone that obviously like her. Its easy...she knows he will try to get in her pants, she will lay the groundwork for that to happen...she will let him get in her pants and then call crying to her bf that it was just a "mistake" and that it didn't mean anything. This guy just needs to dump her and move on to someone who respects his feelings.
bish Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Well...at first read I looks really bad. But coming to think about it...it might not be so terrible after all. She told you. Everything. She told you that there is a guy who likes her. She told you he asked her out. She told you she wanted to go. She asked you before she went. She didn't just tell you after a while, no she came to you and asked openly and freely. That is a good sign. Thats what alot of cheaters do. I know first hand. My ex-wife told me things about a guy and they were real similar to this girl telling things to her bf. Turns out she was boning him all along. So I kicked her out and filed for divorce. Alot of cheaters, but not all, will tell you things about someone else that they are messing around with so that it appears to look like they are being truthful and honest...when really it is to delay your suspicions. Just dump her dude. It is totally unacceptable for her to be rubbing her body up against another guy, ESPECIALLY if he wants her.
Nevermind Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Hello bish, sorry to hear about it. There is not much I could say to this...just: I am sorry you were hurt and I hope you are better now. You said: Alot of cheaters, but not all, will tell you things about someone else that they are messing around with so that it appears to look like they are being truthful and honest...when really it is to delay your suspicions.Not every cheater does....and not everybody who does is a cheater. There are some naive, innocent people left on the planet. Well..so I heard. I am a woman in a long distance relationship. We live in different countries, we speak different languages, everything is different. We met while being in a 3rd country, we lived together for nearly one year. Now, we are apart. He is back home, so am I. We talk and I tell him when I meet someone, just to include him. If someone hits at me, I tell him. Just because it is part of my day-to-day life. If a guy asked me to a concert or something (not on a date! just as part of a group etc) and I'd like to go, I will tell him about it. If the guy has shown interest, I will ask my bf if he is okay with my going out with that guy. And I will accept the answer. But this doesn't make me a cheat. It makes me a person who expects trust. I trust him. He trusts me. My ldr is far from perfect, in fact, it might end any minute...not for lack of trust or love, but for practical, wordly reasons. Giving up my love just because I feel jealous and uncertain (as we all do, from time to time) would be the last thing I'd ever do. Call me a hopeless romantic, but my advice would be not to get worked up by comments on the internet, but just talk to your girlfriend about your feelings. In the end, your relationship is something only you two can handle.
Timberlane Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I honestly have no idea why anyone tolerates this sort of crap in college romances. Kick her to the curb, meet a LOT of new women, settle on one that is nice and lives IN YOUR TOWN. Back in high school, I knew my girlfriend and I would be torturing ourselves if we tried to stay together while she was away at school. I suggested we make the relationship open for that reason. And so we did. We dated in summer and over break. And it lasted another year. Neither of us was lonely at school and there were no hard feelings about dating around while away. To this day we are friends. We really weren't that great a couple, anyway, but I did and still do care about her. I cared enough to cut her loose.
bish Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Hello bish, sorry to hear about it. There is not much I could say to this...just: I am sorry you were hurt and I hope you are better now. You said: Not every cheater does....and not everybody who does is a cheater. There are some naive, innocent people left on the planet. Well..so I heard. I am a woman in a long distance relationship. We live in different countries, we speak different languages, everything is different. We met while being in a 3rd country, we lived together for nearly one year. Now, we are apart. He is back home, so am I. We talk and I tell him when I meet someone, just to include him. If someone hits at me, I tell him. Just because it is part of my day-to-day life. If a guy asked me to a concert or something (not on a date! just as part of a group etc) and I'd like to go, I will tell him about it. If the guy has shown interest, I will ask my bf if he is okay with my going out with that guy. And I will accept the answer. But this doesn't make me a cheat. It makes me a person who expects trust. I trust him. He trusts me. My ldr is far from perfect, in fact, it might end any minute...not for lack of trust or love, but for practical, wordly reasons. Giving up my love just because I feel jealous and uncertain (as we all do, from time to time) would be the last thing I'd ever do. Call me a hopeless romantic, but my advice would be not to get worked up by comments on the internet, but just talk to your girlfriend about your feelings. In the end, your relationship is something only you two can handle. And thats all fine and dandy...there are always exceptions to some people's rules. But some people don't and won't take the chance that they are naive. If I am in a committed relationship, and if a woman that has the hots for me shows interest...I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going out with them...that is of course unless I didn't respect my SOs feelings....hell...even if my SO other was ok with it(which I have yet to meet a woman that would be) I wouldn't to it.
Nevermind Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 One question (away from the thread topic)...what is "going out" in an American (or British, or whatever) context? I am European, and usually when I go out, it is in a group of at 3-4 people, often more. We usually go to a local pub or coffee house, have a drink, talk, laugh, and retreat to our separate homes. That, to me, is something a woman or man in a relationship could do without problems, even if there were someone in the group who has a crush on this person. A romantical date, of course, is something different.
cocoa Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 One question (away from the thread topic)...what is "going out" in an American (or British, or whatever) context? For N America, I'd say "going out" emphasizes that you are "going out" of the house. So you can use that for a friendly context or a romantic context. ie. If you have a romantic date with John tonight and your friend asks you what you are doing you could say "I'm going out with John tonight." That would make sense too right? So in your country's context, what would you say if you are 'going out' with a single friend? Or do a single female and a single male just don't go out as friends themselves? remember guys are known to conceal their intent, haha, and attractions can be developed on non-date outings just the same. I've seen some people say, "It's not I don't trust her (my gf), I don't trust that guy (that she'll go out with)." Some people choose leaving it to trust, some couples choose a rule of "no meeting a member of the opposite sex alone". I'm off topic too... go on...
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