Relationship Problem

[flanoir]

My problem has to do with my boyfriends jealousy. I am currently in college, and my major focuses on learning a second language. Through work I have recently found someone who is fluent in the language I'm learning and has offered to tutor me. However it's a guy, and a fairly good looking one.

 

The problem is, is that I don't know how to tell my boyfriend without him getting upset. I have no desire to have an affair with this man or anything, I just want to get help learning my language and he has offered to help me.

 

But I know my boyfriend won't see it that way. I don't want to 'keep this behind his back' or anything, but I know that as soon as I say that I'm getting tutored by a guy that my boyfriend will be upset. And I don't want to lie to him either about it, because I'm not doing anything wrong.

 

Any advice?

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Why do you need to point out that this guy is "fairly good looking"? What relevance does that have to anything?

 

In and of itself, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, but the way you phrased it here makes me wonder a little, so I guess I wouldn't blame your boyfriend if he wondered too.

[flanoir]

Why do you need to point out that this guy is "fairly good looking"? What relevance does that have to anything?

 

Because first he'll be mad when I tell him, and he will ask to see him. Then when he sees him he will be even more mad.

 

If he was unattractive, my boyfriend would probably get over it after he saw him, and thus I wouldn't have a problem.

 

I want to marry my boyfriend and have no desire to screw around or play stupid games. It doesn't mean that I can't see when someone else is cute.

[popey]

You are not doing anything wrong, and you are right to not want to keep it from him. Being constrained from knowing people innocently is no way to live. If you love him, and want to work through this relationship problem; tell him. show him that care about his feelings and want to do what you can to help him feel comfortable and happy. But you can't go through life forgoing opportunities to know people just b/c they are male and this strikes a chord with your bf's insecurities. Make efforts to help him feel reassured.

 

is it practical for him to be around for your tutoring? if so, it would probably be helpful for him to adjust if you welcome him to do so. But I would also tell him, that while this is totally fine, he has to realize that this will not be practical all the time, and that's just the way it is.

 

Are you not going to work with any men after you graduate? not sure what your planning on doig, but what if you have clients that you have to go to dinner meetings with?

 

if he's worth it, work to help him feel more comfortalbe and work towards something more secure. but don't let yourself be sacraficed.

[Trialbyfire]

You need to make the introduction between the two guys and let your b/f be around for the first session so he gets a comfort level and by his presence, the other guy gets the "hands off" message.