liddie Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I have been in a relationship with my MM for almost 9 months. It started off purely sexual, as I am sure most do, and has turned into an extremely emotional relationship. Although the words have never been spoken he knows that I love him and I know that he loves me. He has been married for his whole adult like to his high school sweatheart. They have 3 kids. From what I understand from mutual friends and others their marriage has not been good for quite some time (long before I came along). He told me that he had a one night stand a few years back and that his W found out about it. They come from very well known families in our town and his W is very much all about how things are preceived, if they look happy then thats all that matters. We have been caught 3 times now. I have spoken with her on the phone a few times and she admits that she is not a good wife and that their problems started before me. She told me that she knows that I can made her H happier than she can and that if she could accept it and figure out a way to deal with it then she would give us her blessing. Sounds kinda crazy if you ask me! I beat myself up over this relationship all of the time. Yet do nothing about it. I try to walk away and allow him to lure me back in. Aside from him being M we have the perfect relationship...we talk about everything, share the same interests and hobbies, and not to mention the sex is out of this world! Am I just fooling myself? A part of me thinks that one day we will be together...
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Only answer I have for ya is, she probably has an OM on the side and neither of them are willing to change their life, give up their marriage, ruin the 'facade' of being a married couple. They'll probably stay together for the sake of the kids and have affairs to keep their marriage going. If you can accept that, then you'll be the OW for a long time in his life. If you want more than that, or more than he is willing to offer you, the choice is easy. End it. Either way, the choice is yours.
werty Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 ill never be an OM(again). theres just no assurance at the end. and you'll never have that peace of mind. until he/she is free to love and be loved, thats the only time the relationship should be made,else keep it at a friendly level or if can, run away... hehehehe
RealityCheck Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Only answer I have for ya is, she probably has an OM on the side and neither of them are willing to change their life, give up their marriage, ruin the 'facade' of being a married couple. They'll probably stay together for the sake of the kids and have affairs to keep their marriage going. If you can accept that, then you'll be the OW for a long time in his life. If you want more than that, or more than he is willing to offer you, the choice is easy. End it. Either way, the choice is yours. Yep! These are my thoughts as well. Bottom line, "love" knows knows no boundries and not even practicality can keep somone from being with you if he "really" loves you. The longer you stay, the harder it will become. Don't waste your time, when someone "real" can be in your future.
scaredinlove Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 I have been in a relationship with my MM for almost 9 months. It started off purely sexual, as I am sure most do, and has turned into an extremely emotional relationship. Although the words have never been spoken he knows that I love him and I know that he loves me. He has been married for his whole adult like to his high school sweatheart. They have 3 kids. From what I understand from mutual friends and others their marriage has not been good for quite some time (long before I came along). He told me that he had a one night stand a few years back and that his W found out about it. They come from very well known families in our town and his W is very much all about how things are preceived, if they look happy then thats all that matters. We have been caught 3 times now. I have spoken with her on the phone a few times and she admits that she is not a good wife and that their problems started before me. She told me that she knows that I can made her H happier than she can and that if she could accept it and figure out a way to deal with it then she would give us her blessing. Sounds kinda crazy if you ask me! I beat myself up over this relationship all of the time. Yet do nothing about it. I try to walk away and allow him to lure me back in. Aside from him being M we have the perfect relationship...we talk about everything, share the same interests and hobbies, and not to mention the sex is out of this world! Am I just fooling myself? A part of me thinks that one day we will be together... Some woman go along with affairs, she probably feel secure enough that he won't leave her if she let him stray. Itis like a bargain... I was reading about this typeof arrangment some time ago, it kind of open marriage. You have her blessing and if you enjoy the relationship stay.The only thing is there is no chance he will ever leave, if that is what you want. Again it happens more often than you think....
norajane Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Am I just fooling myself? A part of me thinks that one day we will be together... Since his wife knows about you, and he's made no move to leave his wife or divorce, yeah, I think you're fooling yourself. And you're wasting your precious time, energy, and emotion on a man who will never be your husband...not to mention you're overlooking all the other men out there you could potentially fall in love with because you're so tied up with this MM.
BubblesKittyShed Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Since his wife knows about you, and he's made no move to leave his wife or divorce, yeah, I think you're fooling yourself. And you're wasting your precious time, energy, and emotion on a man who will never be your husband...not to mention you're overlooking all the other men out there you could potentially fall in love with because you're so tied up with this MM. Who wouldn't want to be tied up. what's wrong with that. I love that.
overandout Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Yep! These are my thoughts as well. Bottom line, "love" knows knows no boundries and not even practicality can keep somone from being with you if he "really" loves you. The longer you stay, the harder it will become. Don't waste your time, when someone "real" can be in your future. I echo that. It is a point that seems to get lost, totally ignored or shot down in flames on this forum. It is not very palatable to admit that the MP isn't that into the OP. Wild horses will not keep someone from doing whatever it takes to be with the woman he loves 100% of the time. Kids, finances, are lame excuses from someone who isn't going anywhere now or ever.
Author liddie Posted September 18, 2007 Author Posted September 18, 2007 He seperated from her for a few weeks a while back. However, after much pressure from his parents and his son he went back to give it another chance. The problem is that we have never stopped seeing eachother. We have broken up but he can't let me go. I guess I make it easy for him by always taking him back..
VIP Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 after much pressure from his parents and his son he went back to give it another chance. Why don't you try to apply some pressure, it might work too.
vaguelette Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Why can't I leave? You don't have high self-esteem, a good enough self-image and/or the right morals.
PoshPrincess Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 It is not very palatable to admit that the MP isn't that into the OP. Wild horses will not keep someone from doing whatever it takes to be with the woman he loves 100% of the time. Sorry but I don't agree with this at all. Yes, some men who AREN'T into their OW in a big way do use kids, family commitments, money, etc as excuses why they can't leave but for many who DO genuinely love their OW, it is a valid reason. Some people just have different priorities in life to others, that's all. I have a child and I know that no matter HOW much I loved a man I would NEVER leave my son to be with them. This is not to say that those who choose to do that are in the wrong. I am just trying to point out that everyone is different. Saying all this, going out with a MM and wanting them to leave is like playing russian roulette. You NEVER know what's going to happen, no matter what they tell you. And even if they do have the courage of their convictions and leave to be with you, that doesn't mean they won't ever go back to their wife. Let's face it, these situations are always going to end in immense pain and heartache for someone - whether it be the OW or the BS. Even the MM on ocassions, IF he is in love with the OW.
Author liddie Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Finally some since of reasoning...that is exactly how I think about it. I am sure that alot of MM do use excuses to stay married. However, for the ones that actually do love the OW I would imagine that is a very hard place to be. I see it in my MMs eyes and espically this morning. He is completely miserable as a MM and as a MM having an A with me. He is leaving for a month soon and I hope that he does some soul searching while he is away from all of this.
Author liddie Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 One thing I do know for damn sure is my level of self esteem. I do think fondly of myself and my values as well as my morals. You simply have no control over who you fall in love with!! If you did this forum would have no purpose now would it?
PoshPrincess Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Finally some since of reasoning...that is exactly how I think about it. I am sure that alot of MM do use excuses to stay married. However, for the ones that actually do love the OW I would imagine that is a very hard place to be. I see it in my MMs eyes and espically this morning. He is completely miserable as a MM and as a MM having an A with me. He is leaving for a month soon and I hope that he does some soul searching while he is away from all of this. Fingers xd for you, Liddie. It sounds like he needs to make a decision once and for all, as difficult as it is, so hopefully, like you say, this time away will do you both some good.
Author liddie Posted September 21, 2007 Author Posted September 21, 2007 Thanks Posh!! We started to get some things out on the table this morning before I had to go to work and he knows that he is going to have to make some changes both before he leaves and when he gets back from his trip. Seems like we have a few good days then I get mad. I am nearing my breaking point with all of this.
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