Is he trying to get to me?

[Lynz]

My ex- boyfriend broke up with me, on my birthday and over MSN, on a whim about a month ago when we were having an argument over something stupid. We were already on a break, and apparently he had been trying to break up with me for the previous two days but didn't.

However once I said to him I don't ever want to see him ever again he freaked out and couldn't understand why. He had just assumed we would stay as friends.

I couldn't understand it because all the way through our relationship (which was for nearly 10 months) he had told me loads of times how much he loved me and I could see that he did love me.

The next day he called and told me he completely regretted what he had done, he called me a few times after that saying similar things, saying that he wanted me back and that he would always love me because I am so special.

Then the last time he called me first it was the same as the previous phone calls, but then he asked me straight out 'do you love me?' I told him no, and he seemed a little shocked by this but seemed to take it quite well. 'OK.' He said 'Well I hope you find someone special because you deserve it.'

 

That was the last time I'd spoken to him, but according to my friends who live in the same building as him, he has started smoking again (he quit at the start of our relationship and vowed to never touch them again because he has realised not to endanger his life (his father died of cancer when he was quite young)), He has also made a point of smoking a lot in front of my friends as if he wants them to tell me that he has been smoking. When he first saw one of my flatmates he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and said to her 'Do you mind if I smoke?' and he then proceeded to smoke about 3 cigarettes one after the other.

 

Also, he had made it clear to me that he'd completely regretted what he'd done and he doesn't want another girlfriend for at least a year because he just doesn't want anyone else but me. But apparently (he told my friend) he's seeing someone else who he met on a night out. He also said to her that he doesn't care what I think, he is going to go out and meet someone and sleep with them because that's what he wants to do. (Again this is something he seems to have completely changed about, when I was with him, he converted to Catholicism because I am Catholic and he told me he would never have sex with anyone again unless he truly loved them).

 

I don't want him back at all. I'm ready to move on, but it just hurts me so much that he is being like this. You think you know someone and as soon as you break up they completely change.

My friend thinks that he does truly regret what he has done but he knows that I would never want him back, so he's doing all that he can to try and get to me.

 

I'm trying my best not to let it bother me. I mean he broke up with me not the other way round so he shouldn't even be doing anything like this at all!

 

The fact that he has started smoking again is what has upset me the most though. When we were together he really opened up about his father and what happened to him. His father didn't die of lung cancer but it was still some form of cancer and he died when he was about 32 when my ex-boyfriend was a boy. He told me that he was stupid to smoke because after his dad fought so hard for his life when he had cancer, it just seems so awful to increase your own risk of developing cancer yourself. He vowed that he would never smoke again because I had made him realise that it was stupid.

 

Why then has he changed all of a sudden? Has he always been like this and has he just been lying throughout our whole relationship? Because if he has he is an exceptionally good actor, not to mention a compulsive liar. Or is he just doing what my friend thinks he is doing and is regretting that he ever broke up with me but realises that I would never want him back and so is doing everything he can to try and upset me?

[Lynz]

Does anyone have any advice? I can't understand why he is acting like this. He broke up with me not the other way round. People I know who didn't know what happened just assumed that I broke up with him because of the way he is acting.