I'm living in hell...

[wmrjw82]

I wouldn't do anything until you are on the payroll and started. Do you talk to this mutual friend normally? I don't see anything wrong with saying something as long as it is not out of the ordinary, but definitely wait until you are on board.

 

The best way to get past an ex is to move on with your life better than it was before. You aren't doing this for her, it's for you. If you get satisfaction from improving yourself and her finding out, then fine. Just remember, everything you are doing is strictly for you! Not to impress your ex.

 

Yes you are absolutely right. And no, I don't ever contact that friend so it would be quite out of the ordinary and probably very obvious (my attentions) to the average sane person.

 

I do need to concentrate on myself right now. Thanks once again for the reality check. I just feel like I failed in so many aspects of the relationship but I think I have to keep in mind that I STUCK AROUND BOTH TIMES! She is the one that left me twice now. I wasn't enough for her twice! Ugh... I just wish I could get that notion to stick in my head. But this job (if I indeed get it) I think will help to occupy my time and maybe even boost that self confidence. But even if I don't, I still have 2 other jobs that are wanting me right now. I'm just going for the one with the highest pay!

 

I wish the one week mark would hurry up and get here. I swear this has been the longest one of my life.

[shockandawed]

I wish the one week mark would hurry up and get here. I swear this has been the longest one of my life.

 

I am sure it seems that way. Next week probably isn't going to be much better. But they slowly do get better. Everytime your thoughts go to her, train your mind to switch to what you are doing to be a better person, your job and other things you can do. Play the fantasy if she could just see me now and then do things for yourself that fit that. Just keep the willpower to not contact her yet.

 

You don't see it, but you are on the right track, hang in there.

[Chuckles84]

Do you really want to be with someone who wants you for your job and how much money you make? Trust me I know it sucks to lose the one you love. I'm trying to get over a love of 10 years but I wouldnt want her to be with me simply because of how much money I make. She made the choice to leave and you need to get your life in order for yourself. Like others say, if she wants to be with you then she will contact you. And if she does, it wouldn't be for a few months I'd imagine. By that time you should be established in whatever new job you've chosen and will have a better sense of who you are now and what you want.

 

There are people out there who you will love and who will love you for the inner person and not financial security/well being. In the end money can not buy love.

[wmrjw82]

Do you really want to be with someone who wants you for your job and how much money you make? Trust me I know it sucks to lose the one you love. I'm trying to get over a love of 10 years but I wouldnt want her to be with me simply because of how much money I make. She made the choice to leave and you need to get your life in order for yourself. Like others say, if she wants to be with you then she will contact you. And if she does, it wouldn't be for a few months I'd imagine. By that time you should be established in whatever new job you've chosen and will have a better sense of who you are now and what you want.

 

There are people out there who you will love and who will love you for the inner person and not financial security/well being. In the end money can not buy love.

 

It's not that I think she just loves me for how much money I make. Its more of a work ethic or laziness issue in my eyes. Who knows, what she thinks because obviously I never talk to her anymore. But I could see how she could view me as lazy because that's what I felt of myself. When her mom's plant went on strike her mom lost her job. She had a job at Walmart the next week and stayed there until the plant came off of their strike. I remember my ex telling me she would do that same thing if it happened to her. She grew up in that atmosphere. I can't help but think she thought of me as lazy for being out of work for 5 months. My only excuse was that I was looking for what I wanted in a career and not just a job. I could get a job anytime. Well 5 months went by, I lost my girl because she probably thought I was lazy and I still don't know what I want to do for a career. So i have to take a job because unemployment ends soon.

 

It just sucks because I never wanted her to view me that way and it was a pain for me to not be able to fully support her. That's why I wanted a career, the stability and ability to provide for her and her daughter for the long haul. She struggles financially and I didn't do enough. I just didn't.

[wmrjw82]

FINALLY 1 Week Down!

 

This sucks so bad. I had a dream last night involving her and her daughter and she took me back and then I woke up back in reality and here I am all alone again.

 

Good news is I accepted a job offer and will start Monday. That will atleast occupy my time.

 

Someone please tell me, if I were to go to her face to face would this matter to her? She hasn't actually seen me in a month and a half. I've lost 10 pounds from working out everyday and i'm pretty tan (as tan as an Irish/Scottish man can get) I want to just look her in the eye and tell her how I feel. Does it matter? I mean the text messages I have sent doesn't nearly equal the impact of a face to face conversation does it?

 

Anyway, the first week is down and another begins. Like I said earlier in the thread the longest NC i've been able to maintain in this breakup was 2 weeks. That's when she gave me our dog and decided it was best that she be with me instead of share custody. I was so mad and disappointed in her because it was like she was giving up on our dog too. Its like we both got dumped.

 

Thank you for your continued support for those who read this thread and comment. It really makes a difference in my life.

[wmrjw82]

Hey guys, for those of you actually following my pathetic story here is a recap of our breakup last December. Funny enough, Shock, you told me to do the NC back then as well.

 

Here's a recap of my situation in case you missed it from the first breakup in December:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108840/

followed by...

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t107189/

followed by...

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110826/

 

 

I was trying to notice similarities in the breakups and sadly I realize that she tried alot harder back then. She would go to the gym to see me or run into me. Granted, our same gym doesn't do child care anymore but if she really wanted to see me i'm sure she would have come up with a way to see me.

 

That breakup was 2 months. The 2 month mark is coming up this time around but I have very little hope anymore. I mean honestly, the only time she has contacted me in 7 weeks we've been apart was a txt message to see how my dad was (we thought he had throat cancer at the time). The only thing I have going for me is the NC i've been keeping up for 1 week now. I can just tell though its different this time. She doesn't care. Very non-chalant about the whole situation. That's what makes this so difficult.

 

Sorry about this but i wanted to show you guys who are reading this the similarities/differences between our two breakups. Any feedback? Am I on track here with thinking she doesn't care about me anymore...?

[Curious139]

It sounds like she has accepted that you aren't a couple anymore and the emotional bond for her is fading. Sad for you and I'm experiencing the same loss so I understand how this cuts you up.

 

Honestly No Contact is your best chance of healing and regaining vitality in life. I know it is hard but after breaking NC myself last week, the result was that I ended up spending a day in bed because I became so depressed. It put me back at least a month. So - don't do it.

 

Be strong.

[kirikat]

I read through your whole thread now.... and, yes, the story is very sad... but there is something that sort of bothers. me.

 

On one hand, you are saying you are a "nice guy, all in, totally in love".... on the other hand, you admit doing a myspace thing to hurt her. You are spying on her. You are e-stalking her by looking at her sites and profiles. You are going off on her about who she may be dating or moving in with.... you are broken up, and if she wants to take on the NFL, she is a free person.

 

In other posts, I have seen you say things about women in general that are not very complimtary, all the while pleading to being sensitive guy....

 

I dont know her, of course... and of course I didnt live in your shoes... but your behavior sounds like it might be really controlling and really passive aggressive (passive aggression is STILL aggression)

 

Im sorriest of all for the little girl, and for her sake, I wish that you two had remained friends, and handled this break up like grown ups. You had choices in this, but this poor child never did... and it seems that she lost more than either of you.

[wmrjw82]

I read through your whole thread now.... and, yes, the story is very sad... but there is something that sort of bothers. me.

 

On one hand, you are saying you are a "nice guy, all in, totally in love".... on the other hand, you admit doing a myspace thing to hurt her. You are spying on her. You are e-stalking her by looking at her sites and profiles. You are going off on her about who she may be dating or moving in with.... you are broken up, and if she wants to take on the NFL, she is a free person.

 

In other posts, I have seen you say things about women in general that are not very complimtary, all the while pleading to being sensitive guy....

 

I dont know her, of course... and of course I didnt live in your shoes... but your behavior sounds like it might be really controlling and really passive aggressive (passive aggression is STILL aggression)

 

Im sorriest of all for the little girl, and for her sake, I wish that you two had remained friends, and handled this break up like grown ups. You had choices in this, but this poor child never did... and it seems that she lost more than either of you.

 

Imagine if you actually KNEW and CARED about the child kiri...you don't have to slam me/ex about that situation. That's pretty low.

 

I haven't done the estalking thing as you call it, since our first breakup so I don't know why you're talking as if that is present tense but it definitely wasn't a mature thing to do on my part i admitted it before and i admit it again now, okay?!

 

And i've tried to be as adult as I possibly can kiri. It just hurts sometimes ya know?

 

And i'm sorry you feel I have been derogatory to women in general I have no idea where that came from but I never meant to come across that way.

 

I don't mean to defend myself in anyway because I know that it takes 2 to mess up a relationship. I never denied that. Hell, it was probably more me than her for the sake of argument. Just like I told her in my last text message word for word: "I'm sorry _____. All these text messages lately have been immature attempts to just be with you again. I accept this situation and our breakup and the only thing i can do is move on and try to better myself. I hope in time you can understand where i was coming from" I have stuck to my word and i haven't bothered her since.

 

I love her. I never cheated on her, I never abused her or called her names. I respected her. She was my best friend and my lover. THAT is why iam heartbroken and THAT is why its hard for me to move on. Sorry if it feels to you as though i'm just some whiny loser. Nevermind, it must be the fact that i'm a controlling and passive aggressive ******* like you pointed out. Take your pick.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have much other advice to give you other than it sounds like NC is your best option. Hugs.

[kirikat]

wm...

 

I am not slamming you about the child. I have one of my own, and am esp sensitive about it (and for the sake of said child had to stay on absolutely freindly terms with an ex husband who woke up one day after a zillion years and bought a yacht, girl, and no longer wanted a family)....

 

I swear, Im not slamming you there, I just wish that there had been ANY way for you to remain friends, and for you to stay in her life.

[Aintayankee]

Stay away from her, cause she don't need you, so you don't need to be around her. It is hell, but don't bother her or tread on her. Texting won't help. The butterfly effect won't work for you in getting her back. She has done to you what many women have done to other guys. Ya gotta take the pain. Don't drag it on though. Let her move on and not stress about that. It is curious how they can just change almost instantly.

 

Try listening to death metal. Might help.

[Chuckles84]

Let her move on and not stress about that. It is curious how they can just change almost instantly.

 

 

Yeah women are twisted... One moments it's all about you and then next they're willing to just throw everything to the wind and turn their backs on you. (Not a sexist just voicing my pain with one!)

[wmrjw82]

I'm getting ready for my first day of work tommorow and its all strange and new because the last time I was working I was with her. It pissed me off because when I got the job last week I wasn't able to share the news with her. I've kept up my NC for 10 days now. I know it doesn't sound like much but it is to me.

 

I've been having really strange feelings lately. Like what if she died tommorow... how would I feel? I mean, being so close for so long she really was my best friend and we were so very close. If she died I know I would feel horrible forever about it. I know NC is the best thing for "me" to do but the whole thing is just so sad.

 

Should I just be a man and suck it up and say "you know what? if you can handle being friends then so can i"...because she is the one that brought it up and i pretty much shot it down with the "is that how you view me?!" immature crap.

 

Like it has been said earlier, there is a little girl involved. She's gotta be wondering what the **** is happening. I mean she's only 4 but she ran up to me at the gym last Saturday and gave me a hug! I'm not her dad but damn i love that little girl.

 

The whole situation is just so ****ed up and i'm just wondering what the outcome would be if i just called her up and asked her about the friend thing and just shoved my own feelings away and locked them up. Is this healthy or even possible? Have any of you tried this?

 

A part of me wants to do it just to talk to her again and another part of me is saying there is something bigger here. Like i'm throwing away something special between two people. And besides, what if she did want to get back together on down the road but was so scared that I hated her that she was afraid to even contact me? Has that ever happened to any of you? Ugh....